Brick House

Brick House

anchor.fm/brick-house
Filmmaker and recovery podcaster Ben Fraser shares ways we can reframe our thinking about porn addiction. You are good. More at http://www.brickhousewebseries.com


081 To Your Health!
Dec 15, 2019 • 14 min
Rather than thinking that “porn is bad,” maybe it’s more useful to think of it as “bad for your health.” Ben also explores the similarity between healthy activities and recovery activities. Appreciation: local wildlife! (especially chipmunks) Contact Ben…
080 Hello Again!
Sep 5, 2019 • 13 min
After a hiatus, Ben Fraser returns to podcasting and reintroduces himself and his perspective on quitting porn. It’s a worthwhile journey! Links: Matt Dobschuetz’s PornFree Radio podcast…
079 Anger, Anxiety and Therapy
May 28, 2019 • 14 min
Ben is angry today. That’s a trigger, but so is anxiety. Is porn use the best way to deal with these feelings? Probably not. Somatic Experiencing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_experiencing Appreciation: Brené Brown…
078 Miistakes and Other Disasters
Apr 1, 2019 • 17 min
Ben tells the story of a recent “disaster” at an open mic performance. Rather than being mad about it, he laughed instead. Appreciation: Amazon Alexa Echo Dot. https://amzn.to/2FMl8Vt Watch the web series http://www.brickhousewebseries.com The Brick House…
077 Comfort and Joy
Dec 24, 2018 • 6 min
God rest ye merry gentlemen Let nothing you dismay Remember Christ our Savior Was born on Christmas Day To save us all from Satan’s pow’r When we were gone astray Oh tidings of comfort and joy Comfort and joy Oh tidings of comfort and joy Music this week…
076 Ogling
Dec 17, 2018 • 14 min
This week Ben answers a question from a listener (and accountability partner) about ogling. It seems like it can easily be an edging behavior. How can we change that pattern? Appreciations: Dear Sugars podcast about dating an addict…
075 Easy Women
Dec 3, 2018 • 12 min
Porn offers the persistent fantasy that women exist in order to please men. But that doesn’t match up with reality very well. Or does it? Watch the web series http://www.brickhousewebseries.com The Brick House Facebook page:…
074 Restructuring Your Life
Nov 19, 2018 • 15 min
It may be that some of the triggers that cause you to act out have to do with major aspects of your life - like relationships and work - and the only solution is to make major changes in the underlying structure of your life. Watch the web series…
073 VOTE! (for the person you want to be)
Nov 5, 2018 • 10 min
Every decision you make in your daily life is a vote for the kind of person you want to be - whether it’s an athlete, a musician, or a person with a healthy sexuality. Inspired by James Clear’s book Atomic Habits.https://jamesclear.com/ Matt Dobschuetz…
072 Sustainability
Oct 22, 2018 • 15 min
Ben muses on what it takes to change your habits permanently. What is sustainable and what’s not? Darya Rose Foodist Podcast - ideas about sustainability -…
071 Love and Compassion
Sep 24, 2018 • 10 min
Major events can show us that life is short, and precious. Do we want to spend it pursuing compulsive behavior, or in finding love and compassion with those we are close to? Appreciation: Libby https://meet.libbyapp.com/. Borrow thousands of ebooks and…
070 Learning From Relapse
Sep 10, 2018 • 20 min
Ben had a relapse, which is a drag. But what did he learn from it? And what can you learn from his mistakes? Appreciation: Vacations! Take more of them. Watch the web series http://www.brickhousewebseries.com The Brick House Facebook page:…
069 Vulnerability
Jul 24, 2018 • 7 min
This week, Ben talks about a simple strategy to deal with times when your sobriety is more vulnerable. Hint: it may have something to do with connection. Appreciation: Johann Hari’s book: Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and…
068 Change Is Possible
Jun 27, 2018 • 17 min
If you are an addict, it’s easy to get discouraged that things will never change. Ben Fraser says that change is not only possible, it’s unavoidable. There is hope! This episode was inspired by an Invisibilia podcast.…
067 Porn Saved My Life
Jun 5, 2018 • 10 min
You might think that porn ruined your life. But is it possible that it also saved your life? Ben Fraser explores the impact of compulsive porn use on his early life. Foodist Podcast with Darya Rose…
66 The Meaning of #MeToo
May 25, 2018 • 19 min
As Harvey Weinstein goes to court to face charges of rape, Ben Fraser reflects on what meaning the #MeToo movement has for those of us struggling with porn addiction. Tea and Consent: https://youtu.be/oQbei5JGiT8 Slate Interview with Weinstein accusers.…
065 Resistance
May 15, 2018 • 13 min
Ben Fraser reflects on how resisting something might actually make us more likely to engage in the behavior, and how to deal with that. Also, are current events triggering you? Appreciation: The Instant Pot! http://a.co/d9DQaNR Watch the web series…
064 Three Useful Tools
May 3, 2018 • 18 min
In this practical episode, Ben Fraser talks about three tools that have been very useful in his recovery - a filter, meditation, and the FAST check in. A filter that Ben uses: https://x3watch.com/ A meditation app that Ben likes:…
063 A Diet of Junk Food
Apr 21, 2018 • 15 min
Ben Fraser discusses how porn is like junk food. Consuming it gives you nothing of value, and is a poor substitute for what you really want. Inspired by Darya Rose’s class on Creative Live called “Lose Weight without Dieting.” https://cr8.lv/2HhJaep Also…
062 Behind the Scenes of the Porn Industry
May 19, 2017 • 13 min
It’s easy for a consumer of porn to forget that there is a human being behind the photos and images. And that smile is probably fake. Ben Fraser tells the story of one woman who got involved in the porn industry in the late 70s, and how her life was…
061 “Unbroken Brain” - Porn addiction is a developmental disorder
May 8, 2017 • 9 min
Ben Fraser reviews “Unbroken Brain” by Maia Szalavitz, and discusses why adolescents are more vulnerable to addiction and why kindness and hope is most helpful to treating addiction. The book:…
060 An Artist’s Approach to Porn Addiction
Aug 28, 2016 • 16 min
Musician, filmmaker and creative person Ben Fraser shares some of his ideas about an artist’s take on porn addiction, including changing the narrative, listening to your feelings, and when to ignore your feelings. Matt Dobschuetz’s Excellent podcast:…
059 Internet Dating For Porn Addicts
Jul 3, 2016 • 14 min
Ben Fraser talks about the specific challenges of internet dating as it relates to recovering porn addicts, including fantasy and projection, taking sex out of the picture, and being a good potential partner. Matt Dobschuetz’s Porn Free Playbook:…
058 After The Breakup
Apr 12, 2016 • 23 min
Ben Fraser talks about the challenges of refraining from porn and masturbation in the 7 days immediately after a breakup. He faces the triggers of feeling bad about himself, isolation, and lack of sleep, and offers suggestions on how to cope. Also, is it…
057 Ben Grosscup Song And Interview
Apr 6, 2016 • 14 min
Ben Fraser interviews activist folksinger and organizer Ben Grosscup. Ben G. also sings an original song about internet porn addiction, “Every Day”. Discussion ensues! Check out Ben Grosscup’s songs on YouTube!…
056 Feeling The Love
Mar 30, 2016 • 11 min
After a 3 month break, the podcast is back! Season 2 of the web series is available now! http://brickhousewebseries.com/ Ben reflects on how it feels to produce a web series about porn addiction, and reads some feedback from viewers. Read the feedback:…
055 Happy New Year!
Dec 31, 2015 • 9 min
As we think about the New Year, Ben chooses a few key points from the past year that have helped him to quit porn and stay sober. PornFree Radio episode about making a plan for 2015 http://pornfreeradio.com/057-go-porn-free-in-2016/ Going after a good…
054 Self Care
Dec 25, 2015 • 13 min
Are you taking good care of yourself? That is a key step in the challenge to quit porn. Matt Dobschuetz - PornFree Radio episode about making a plan for 2015 http://pornfreeradio.com/057-go-porn-free-in-2016/ Appreciation: Sue Grafton’s books about Kinsey…
053 Darkness And Light
Dec 16, 2015 • 8 min
Ben Fraser reflects on the challenge of dealing with the darkness in our lives, literally and figuratively. This 2013 article has some interesting facts about the Winter Solstice: http://mashable.com/2013/12/20/winter-solstice-2013/#ML1cWk1.6sqA Leonard…
052 What I Learned From Juggling
Dec 9, 2015 • 9 min
How is learning to juggle like learning how to quit porn? Ben Fraser counts the ways. The show about yoga: https://soundcloud.com/ben-fraser-19/039-breathe-into-it-things-i-learned-from-yoga Learn to juggle: https://youtu.be/kCt1bmSASCI Appreciation:…
051 The Wrong Reasons To Quit
Dec 2, 2015 • 8 min
Ben Fraser talks about some of the wrong reasons to quit porn, and eventually gets to the right reason. Appreciation: Dogs Decoded PBS documentary. Watch on Vimeo for free.https://vimeo.com/19472436 The Brick House Facebook page:…
050 Gratitude
Nov 25, 2015 • 9 min
As a porn addicts, it’s easy to feel bad about ourselves, or notice how difficult things are. On this Thanksgiving, Ben Fraser takes a moment to think about what we he is thankful for. Some of the things I am grateful for: “This must be the place” - Shawn…
049 Advice To My Younger Self
Nov 18, 2015 • 10 min
Today Ben thinks about what he would say to his younger self about porn, specifically when he was 12 years old. He’s learned a lot in the last 40 years. Appreciation: Alexander Rhodes, the founder of NoFap. Thanks Alex!…
048 I Wouldn’t Date A Woman Who…
Nov 11, 2015 • 9 min
Back in Ben’s single days, there were a few woman who he wouldn’t consider dating because of the way they looked. But now he wonders if maybe his porn consumption got in the way of meeting possible partners who might’ve been a good match. Want to be a…
047 Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Nov 4, 2015 • 9 min
You may know the old country song by Johnny Lee. Looking at porn is kind of like looking for love in all the wrong places, since porn cannot give you love. But we try anyway! Want to be a guest on the show? I’d like to hear your voice! Email Ben…
046 Entertainment For Men
Oct 27, 2015 • 10 min
If you grew up with a certain magazine, then you know that phrase. Ben Fraser talks about how being a man makes us vulnerable to the “sex sells” techniques of capitalism, and encourages everyone to not be a cog in the machine. Want to be a guest on the…
045 Feeling Terrible
Oct 21, 2015 • 7 min
Most of us use porn to avoid feeling terrible. But the only way to really quit using is to just feel terrible for a while. Want to be a guest on the show? I’d like to hear your voice! Email Ben http://brickhousewebseries.com/contact Appreciation: Man On…
044 All I Need
Oct 14, 2015 • 6 min
When you’re craving porn, you think it will satisfy your needs. But it never does. What do you really need? Want to be a guest on the show? I’d like to hear your voice! Email Ben http://brickhousewebseries.com/contact Appreciation: Bernie Sanders.…
043 Day Four
Oct 7, 2015 • 11 min
What it feels like to be on Day Four after a relapse. I hope you learn from my mistakes. Want to be a guest on the show? I’d like to hear your voice! Email Ben http://brickhousewebseries.com/contact Appreciation: Naomi Klein. Here’s an interview she did…
042 Choose Life (song demo)
Oct 1, 2015 • 4 min
The podcast is on a break this week, so Ben Fraser is sharing a demo of a new song from the web series - “Choose Life.” Vocals by Gershon Eigner. The final song will be re-mixed and mastered with new rhythm tracks. This song is an attempt to give advice…
041 Ramblings
Sep 23, 2015 • 13 min
Ben Fraser speaks on a wide variety of topics, including why he is doing the podcast, how a headache is affecting him, some of his most popular triggers, and the 10% solution to solving all the world’s problems. Appreciation: Music videos by OK Go. Rube…
040 I Am An Addict, Dammit!
Sep 16, 2015 • 7 min
Ben Fraser refutes Dr. David J. Ley’s claim that “the label of ‘porn addict’ causes depression, but porn watching doesn’t.” While shame is indeed an issue, the label isn’t the problem, but in fact can be a solution. We’re fundraising to make new episodes…
039 Breathe Into It - Things I Learned From Yoga
Sep 9, 2015 • 10 min
Ben Fraser has been doing yoga for 34 years. Along the way, he learned a few things that are useful if you want to quit an addiction like porn. For instance, try to “breathe into the pain” instead of numbing it. We’re fundraising to make new episodes of…
038 My Story - Part 3: Lowest Of The Low
Sep 2, 2015 • 11 min
Ben Fraser talks about “hitting bottom” and why he finally decided it was time to quit looking at porn. We’re fundraising to make new episodes of the web series! $5 can help a lot! http://www.igg.me/at/brickhousetv Thanks for checking it out! My story -…
037 Willpower
Aug 26, 2015 • 7 min
There’s a common idea that to quit an addiction, you need to have a lot of willpower. But Ben Fraser thinks willpower is only one component to quitting porn addiction, and there are other things more important. We’re fundraising to make new episodes of…
036 Give Yourself A Break
Aug 19, 2015 • 8 min
If you’re an addict, your idea of taking a break is probably doing the addictive behavior, If you quit the addictive behavior, it’s sometimes hard to figure out what to do to relax. We’re fundraising to make new episodes of the web series! $5 can help a…
035 Good Sex
Aug 12, 2015 • 9 min
Ben Fraser wonders what good sex really looks like. Is it something we are used to seeing, or is it completely different? Dr. Ruth: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruth_Westheimer Appreciation: Easy-going people The Brick House Facebook page:…
034 How Does It Feel?
Aug 5, 2015 • 11 min
Ben Fraser walks through a hypothetical porn experience and examines the feelings along the way. Obviously, there’s some pleasure. But what other feelings come along for the ride? Appreciation: Tune In: The Beatles: All These Years by Mark Lewisohn…
033 I Am You
Jul 29, 2015 • 6 min
Being an addict is no fun. But if you look around, you may notice that everyone else around you is addicted to something, whether it’s porn, or caffeine or sugar, or just bad TV. This means that addiction can give us compassion. And that is a kind of…
032 Entitlement and Deprivation
Jul 22, 2015 • 8 min
Ben Fraser examines how, as addicts, we might feel entitled to look at porn, because we feel deprived. We feel like we deserve it. But maybe there are better ways to think about it. Check out other episodes (including the missing #31) here:…
030 The Turning Point
Jul 8, 2015 • 8 min
Ben Fraser reflects on what it’s like to be in the middle of a binge, and then re-commit to sobriety. He also talks about the feelings that come up when deleting a stash. Appreciation: the Pixar Movie “Inside Out”…
029 Starting Over
Jul 2, 2015 • 7 min
Ben Fraser talks about his strategy for starting over after a slip. This method works for him. What works for you? Appreciation: Community Fireworks The Brick House Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Brick-House/266939153469555 Check out the…
028 Asking For Help
Jun 24, 2015 • 9 min
Ben Fraser wonders why asking for help is so difficult, when it’s so obvious that we need it. What kind of help can you get if you are trying to quit porn? And how much should you lean on your significant other? A great list of ways to get support:…
027 Father’s Day
Jun 17, 2015 • 11 min
Ben Fraser talks how his father’s magazines were his first exposure to pornography, and an alternative to blaming. How do you stop addiction when it’s passed down from father to son? Appreciation: The library https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Library The…
026 The Rat Park
Jun 10, 2015 • 5 min
Ben Fraser talks about the Rat Park experiments of Bruce Alexander. What happens to rats who get addicted to morphine? And how do they become drug free? A great cartoon explanation of the Rat Park idea. http://www.stuartmcmillen.com/comics_en/rat-park/…
025 Opening Your Heart
Jun 3, 2015 • 9 min
Ben Fraser talks about how opening your heart might be key to recovery from porn addiciton. The Brick House Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Brick-House/266939153469555 Appreciation: bike paths! Find trails in your area:…
024 Update
May 28, 2015 • 8 min
Ben Fraser shares updates about his recovery, trigger challenges, and his recent guest appearance on an internet radio talk show. He also explores the question of what tolerance might mean in porn addiction. The Brick House Facebook page:…
023 Springtime!
May 21, 2015 • 7 min
Spring brings some challenges for the recovering porn addict. The winter coats are gone and it’s easier to see the shapes of people’s bodies, so how do we keep focused on recovery when temptations are more apparent? Appreciation: Social Dancing! Here’s…
022 Three Short Stories
May 14, 2015 • 8 min
Ben reads three short stories related to the struggles of porn addiction. Do you have any stories that you’d like to share? Pass them along! Poem by Portia Nelson about the hole in the sidewalk…
021 Accepting The Present
May 6, 2015 • 9 min
Ben takes a road trip and talks about acceptance and being present. Porn is a great escape. But if we can be more satisfied with the present, porn and other drugs will be less appealing. James Taylor’s song “The Secret O’ Life”…
020 Ben Fraser Interviewed By Jeremy Jones (Tea And Crumpets Podcast)
Apr 29, 2015 • 9 min
Ben Fraser gets interviewed by Jeremy Jones for the Tea and Crumpets Podcast and answers questions about the Brick House Web Series. Topics include how the series developed, new cast for Season 2, and why he chose “quitting porn” as the theme. - By the…
019 You Are Still Good
Apr 22, 2015 • 7 min
Ben reminds every one struggling with addictive behaviors that feeling bad about yourself doesn’t help. If you have a set back, how can you turn things around so you feel better? Appreciation: http://pornfreeradio.com/027-how-idiots-track-success/ A…
018 Checking In
Apr 15, 2015 • 10 min
Ben does a check-in about the challenges of staying sober this week, including unexpected triggers like helping a friend with computer stuff. Appreciation: Iyengar Yoga:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iyengar_Yoga Want to do the “legs up the wall pose/” It’s…
017 Ignoring The Obvious
Apr 9, 2015 • 7 min
Sometimes you can get caught up in the addiction and ignore the obvious things you can do to quit. Ben talks about H.A.L.T.S., which stands for Hungry, Anxious, Lonely, Tired, and Stressed. (Some people think the “A” stands for Angry, which works too!)…
016 A Little Seed Of Hope (Song)
Apr 1, 2015 • 4 min
The podcast is on vacation this week, so Ben is sharing a song. Originally written and recorded in 2008, Ben was wrestling with urges on a daily basis. The process of writing and recording the song helped him get through a difficult time. He hopes it will…
015 Beautiful Girls
Mar 26, 2015 • 12 min
This phrase, often used in porn, seems harmless, but what are we saying when we use it? How are men and women affected by standards of beauty that are portrayed in the porn industry and commercial culture? Appreciation:…
014 Not Enough Porn In The World
Mar 19, 2015 • 13 min
The internet is full of porn, but Ben thinks that it is still not enough. He’ll tell you why that is, and also what happened recently when he had a relapse after 498 days of sobriety. Appreciation: Gary Wilson’s website: http://yourbrainonporn.com/ Also,…
013 That Would Be Telling
Mar 11, 2015 • 11 min
Ben answers a question from Chris about when and how to tell a significant other about his porn habit. The answer is: it depends. But you should definitely tell. Appreciation: The NoFap (no masturbation) community at Reddit. Find some people who are…
012 Is Porn Bad?
Mar 5, 2015 • 8 min
The answer may not be what you think. In any case, it doesn’t help to feel guilt or shame about it. Ben continues his discussion with Jim from episode 9. Appreciation: Johann Hari article about real causes of addiction. Hopeful and fascinating.…
011 Fifty Shades Of Grey
Feb 25, 2015 • 8 min
Ben hasn’t watched it, but he still has a lot to say about it. What’s it like to be a recovering porn addict and be inundated with the media frenzy regarding a popular book and movie that is about a BDSM relationship? Here’s a movie that Ben recommends…
010 Snowed In!
Feb 19, 2015 • 13 min
Ben Fraser was recently snowed in at a motel far from home with nothing to do. Triggers! Hear how he dealt with real triggers in real time, without relapsing! More advice for traveling porn free by Matt Dobschuetz:…
009 Joking Around With Jim
Feb 12, 2015 • 11 min
There’s a lot of laughing going on during this episode when Ben talks to a guy who uses humor to help ease the tension when talking about quitting porn. Jim quit looking at porn over 8 years ago, and is one of the key people who helped Ben quit himself.…
008 Aliens Attack! Radio Play By Ben Fraser
Feb 4, 2015 • 9 min
An original comedy radio play is featured this week. What happens when aliens try to attack Earth? How can the Earthlings resist if they are in a porn-induced stupor? Appreciation: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg…
007 A Year Without Porn
Jan 29, 2015 • 8 min
Ben Fraser talks about what he did to make it through one year without porn, including exercise, counseling, compassion for yourself, and not counting days. Appreciation: Matt Dobschuetz at http://www.PornfreeRadio.com Craig Perra…
006 My Story - Part 2 Seeds Of Addiction
Jan 22, 2015 • 9 min
Telling stories of early struggles can be a great step in the recovery process. Combine porn magazines, a sex education book, and feelings of isolation and shame, what do you get? But it’s not your fault. Watch the Web Series…
005 I’m Not An Addict! Am I?
Jan 15, 2015 • 7 min
Ben Fraser talks about the word “addiction” in regards to a porn habit, and says why he thinks it applies to himself. And how is compassion related to addiction? Links: Dr. Gabor Maté’s book “In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts” http://bit.ly/1xtVs6E…
004 My Story - Part 1
Jan 8, 2015 • 9 min
Telling our stories can be a way to end feelings of isolation. You may recognize yourself in Ben’s story of how he first encountered pornography as a kid, and how it led to addiction. Yes, there was a time before porn! For more, go to…
003 Why I Quit Porn
Jan 1, 2015 • 9 min
Reasons Ben Fraser quit porn. If you are trying to quit, you may sometimes forget why you are doing it. Here are some reasons that have been useful to Ben in his recovery. What are some reasons that have worked for you? Add your comments in iTunes, or on…
002 How To Deal With How You Feel
Dec 26, 2014 • 6 min
How do you deal with the feelings that come up when you quit an addiction? Ben Fraser gives you some tips. More info at http://www.brickhousewebseries.com If you like this podcast, please rate or review it at iTunes: http://bit.ly/1zhJnUj
001 Quitting Porn - The Hero’s Journey
Dec 3, 2014 • 8 min
Ben Fraser talks about how quitting porn is like the Hero’s Journey as described by Joseph Campbell. What is your “Call to Adventure?” Who are your allies? Who are your enemies? Watch the webseries: http://bit.ly/1zajKTJ More at:…