Speculative Grammarian Podcast

Speculative Grammarian Podcast

specgram.com
Speculative Grammarian is the premier scholarly journal featuring research in the neglected field of satirical linguistics.
Language Made Difficult, Vol. L
Jan 9 • 44 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. L — The SpecGram LingNerds are on their own this time. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss the dangers of mispronouncing the names of Canadian provinces, and then advise students as to what…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLIX
Jan 2 • 42 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLIX — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by returning guest Tim Pulju. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss purported evidence against Chomsky, and then reveal the titles of their books, all…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLVIII
Dec 26, 2016 • 51 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLVIII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by returning guest Kean Kaufmann. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss a one hundred word language, and then move on to the royal and other orders for…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLVII
Dec 19, 2016 • 55 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLVII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by guest Kean Kaufmann. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds briefly discuss some innovative bits of English Grammar—no, totally!—and then try out some new…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLVI
Dec 12, 2016 • 53 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLVI — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by returning guest Pete Bleackley. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss something *else* that tries to look like iconicity, and then look at some…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLV
Dec 5, 2016 • 38 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLV — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by guest Pete Bleackley. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss something that tries to look like iconicity, and then share their favorite linguistical…
Language Made Difficult—Update, Nov. 2016
Nov 19, 2016 • 0 min
As you may have noticed, we’ve been off the air for a few months, and Language Made Difficult has been missing in action for quite a while. I have some good news! We’ve made it back to the studio and we’re recording another six episodes of Language Made…
The History of the Indo-Europeans—An Agony in Six Fits
Jun 11, 2016 • 8 min
The History of the Indo-Europeans—An Agony in Six Fits; by Tim Pulju; From Volume CLXXIV, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, December 2015 — Once upon a time, on a warm spring day about 5500 years ago, a young Indo-European named Bright-Fame drove an…
Plagiarize This!
Jun 4, 2016 • 1 min
Plagiarize This!; by An Unidentifiable Subset of the SpecGram Editorial Board; From Volume CLXXII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2015 — It has come to our attention that entirely unfounded, spurious, and indefatigable accusations of heinous…
Plagiarism Uncovered in SpecGram Pages
Jun 4, 2016 • 5 min
Plagiarism Uncovered in SpecGram Pages; by The Linguistic Inquirer; From Volume CLXXII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2015 — Pursuant to the terms of the pre-litigious resolution of “Grammar Entelechy v. Speculative Grammarian” the editors of…
Degenerative Grammar
May 9, 2016 • 3 min
Degenerative Grammar; by Desirée-Debauchée Cyntacks & Dec A. D’Cadence; From Volume CLXXII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, February 2015 — Since the 1950’s, linguistics has been wild with excitement over Chomsky’s insights, collectively known as…
Hazards of Fieldwork Among the Hiithrobnsn
Apr 24, 2016 • 2 min
Hazards of Fieldwork Among the Hiithrobnsn; by William Moore-Crusoe; From Volume CLXXIV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, October 2015 — The Hiithrobnsn live in a remote, marshy and inhospitable region of Guyana. A traditional greeting amongst them is…
Top Tips For Linguists—Part II
Apr 16, 2016 • 2 min
Top Tips For Linguists—Part II; by The SpecGram Editorial Board; From Volume CLXXIV, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, December 2015 — Realizing that many linguists, young and old, find themselves unsure of how best to succeed (or have success thrust…
Top Tips For Linguists—Part I
Apr 16, 2016 • 2 min
Top Tips For Linguists—Part I; by The SpecGram Editorial Board; From Volume CLXXIV, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2015 — Realizing that many linguists, young and old, find themselves unsure of how best to succeed (or have success thrust…
Linguistic Contributions To The Formal Theory Of Big-Game Hunting
Apr 11, 2016 • 10 min
Linguistic Contributions To The Formal Theory Of Big-Game Hunting; by R. Mathiesen; From Lingua Pranca, June, 1978 — The Mathematical Theory of Big-Game Hunting must surely be ranked among the major scientific achievements of the twentieth century. That…
Ye Olde Punnery—The Jigglepike Fragment
Apr 3, 2016 • 2 min
Ye Olde Punnery—The Jigglepike Fragment; by SpecGram Wire Services; From Volume CLXX, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, May 2014 — A small fragment of a manuscript believed to be part of the lost play “Ye Olde Punnery” by Willhebe Jigglepike has been…
Reviewerish Field Notes
Mar 25, 2016 • 3 min
Reviewerish Field Notes; by Cy Tayshon and M. Paktphaq-Torr; From Volume CLXXV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, February 2016 — One of the most important skills linguists-to-be must develop is the ability to interpret the true meaning behind…
Features of Tea: A Potted History
Mar 19, 2016 • 2 min
Features of Tea: A Potted History; by Pete Bleackley; From Volume CLXXIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, June 2015 — According to legend, tea originated when an emperor of China was adding the feature [+boiled] to his drinking-water, having deduced…
The Devil’s Dictionary of Linguistics and Phonetics
Mar 14, 2016 • 4 min
The Devil’s Dictionary of Linguistics and Phonetics; by David Krystal &Adam Baker; From Volume CLXXV, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2016 — C-command. A f-formal r-relationship m-made n-necessary by an u-unfortunate e-early c-commitment to…
Close and Extended Relative Clauses—A Critical Account
Feb 29, 2016 • 6 min
Close and Extended Relative Clauses—A Critical Account; by Fang Gui-Ling; From Volume CLXIV, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, June 2012 — Analytical approaches to relative clauses have by and large incorporated the growing body of evidence regarding…
Handy Definitions for Newcomers to the Field of Linguistics
Feb 21, 2016 • 1 min
Handy Definitions for Newcomers to the Field of Linguistics; by Ken Miner and David J. Peterson; From Collateral Descendant of Lingua Pranca, October 2009 — back-formation: lumbar exercises / circumfix: unhealthy fascination with circuses; a cross inside…
Kill All Phoneticians—Rebroadcast
Feb 13, 2016 • 1 min
Kill All Phoneticians; by Die Lingulelen; From Volume CLXIX, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2014 — The taste of love is sweet / When two syntacticians meet / But can our love survive / If we don’t agree how to derive? (Performed by Die…
λ♥[love] (Linguistics Love Song)—Rebroadcast
Feb 13, 2016 • 3 min
λ♥[love] (Linguistics Love Song); by Christine Collins; From Volume CLXII, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, June 2011. — let me have your heart and i will give you love / the denotation of my soul is the above / if there’s anything i lack, it’s you /…
Val Harmony—Rebroadcast
Feb 13, 2016 • 2 min
Val Harmony; by Edgar Allan Slater; From Volume XVI, Number 1 of Langue du Monde, The Journal of the Linguistic Society of South-Central New Caledonia, September 1991. — It was many and many a year ago, In a tower of ivory, That a maiden there lived who I…
The Phonetician’s Love Poem—Rebroadcast
Feb 13, 2016 • 0 min
The Phonetician’s Love Poem; by Epiphanios o Phantasiopliktos; From Volume CLXI, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, February 2011. — Sweet modulations of fundamental frequency / Air particles dancing to and fro (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
Love Queries of a Linguist—Rebroadcast
Feb 13, 2016 • 0 min
Love Queries of a Linguist; by John Miaou; From Volume CLVII, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, November 2009. — If I were a stop, would you be my explosion? If I were a nasal, would you be my syllabification? (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
My Love is Like a Colorless Green Simile—Rebroadcast
Feb 13, 2016 • 0 min
My Love is Like a Colorless Green Simile; by Rasmus Burns; From Volume CLXIV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2012. — O my love’s like a colorless green simile That’s newly sprung from your lips. (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Draw a Tree Diagram—Rebroadcast
Feb 13, 2016 • 1 min
How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Draw a Tree Diagram; by Alex Savoy; From Volume CLXI, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, March 2011. — How do I love thee? Let me draw a tree diagram— I was maundering, lonely as a bilabial trill, When I first heard your…
Parenting Styles and Progeny Success—A Practical Guide to Broken-Record Parenting
Jan 31, 2016 • 5 min
Parenting Styles and Progeny Success—A Practical Guide to Broken-Record Parenting; by Psammeticus Press; From Volume CLXXI, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2014 — Parents, do you feel like a broken record? “Bath time!” … “Shut the door!” ……
The Man Who Left His Deictic Center in San Francisco
Jan 16, 2016 • 2 min
The Man Who Left His Deictic Center in San Francisco; by Edward Tapir and Benjamin Wharf; From Volume CLXX, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, May 2014 — One of our esteemed colleagues has attended numerous semantics conferences around the world, from…
The Compleat Linguist
Jan 10, 2016 • 0 min
The Compleat Linguist; by John-Boy Walton; From Collateral Descendant of Lingua Pranca, October, 2009 — Man’s sentence’s in vain, for it’s subject is pain… (Read by Brock Schardin.)
Perpetuation of Traditional Gender Roles by European Languages
Jan 2, 2016 • 1 min
Perpetuation of Traditional Gender Roles by European Languages; by Douglas S. Files; From Volume I, Number 1, of Babel, March 1990 — Several European languages encourage the continuation of traditional sex roles through the gender underlying their nouns.…
Selections from Hymns for the Reverent Linguist
Dec 19, 2015 • 1 min
Selections from Hymns for the Reverent Linguist; from The Linguistick Hymnary (1845); From Volume CLXVI, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2012 — Typology, Typology; Joy to the Word. (Performed by Anna Weingarten.)
Saving Endangered Languages with Prescriptivism
Dec 12, 2015 • 3 min
Saving Endangered Languages with Prescriptivism; by Neil de Veratte; From Volume CLXXII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2015 — All over the world, languages are being lost at an alarming rate. Field linguists do their best to preserve these…
On the Mytholinguistic Significance of Butterflies
Dec 5, 2015 • 1 min
On the Mytholinguistic Significance of Butterflies; by Mary Hadlitt-Lamb; From Volume CLXXI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, December 2014 — A remarkable cross-linguistic pattern can be observed in the words for “butterfly”. While these words seldom…
A Possible Prional Source for Linguistic Degeneration from Prolonged Ailuric Exposure
Nov 28, 2015 • 4 min
A Possible Prional Source for Linguistic Degeneration from Prolonged Ailuric Exposure; by B. Bubo, T. Tyto, S. Strix, and A. Asio; From Volume CLIII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2007 — Over the past two decades, an increasing number of…
Redundantly Multilingual Pretension Markers in BWFSEDPRCLCEE
Nov 22, 2015 • 3 min
Redundantly Multilingual Pretension Markers in BWFSEDPRCLCEE; by Saszkwacz Qumkwaat & Yýŷỳ Yẙÿẙÿẙ; From Volume CLV, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, February 2009 — After generating minimal interest in linguistic circles during the 1960’s, very little…
How Linguistics Got Her Groove Back
Nov 14, 2015 • 3 min
How Linguistics Got Her Groove Back; by Gunnr Guðr Entgegenlächeln; From Volume CLXIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2012 — Common wisdom—an oxymoron if ever there was one—has it that linguistics and linguists themselves have a bit of a…
The Quotta and the Quottiod
Nov 9, 2015 • 6 min
The Quotta and the Quottiod; by Vére Çélen; From Volume CLI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, October 2006 — It is not news to linguists that particular forms of punctuation can be problematic. One frequent source of considerable friction in certain…
The Laziest Language on Earth
Oct 31, 2015 • 5 min
The Laziest Language on Earth; by Claude Searsplainpockets; From Volume CLIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2007 — Back in 1922, my Historical Linguistics professor, Benjamin Ide Wheeler, noted that ease of articulation is a driving force…
On the Cryptographic Uses of TLAs
Oct 25, 2015 • 2 min
On the Cryptographic Uses of TLAs; by Dash Ŋ. Ooba-Nuhd; From Volume CLXXIII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2015 — Claude SPP in his angry screed, “TLAs DOA? TBD!” entirely missed the point of BizSpeak, as do most speakers of BizSpeak. (Read…
TLAs DOA? TBD!
Oct 18, 2015 • 2 min
TLAs DOA? TBD!; by Claude Searsplainpockets; From Volume CLII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2007 — In the course of several months of anthropological and linguistic data collection among native speakers of BizSpeak, a degraded and virulent…
Großwortbuch—Book Announcement from Psammeticus Press
Sep 26, 2015 • 0 min
Großwortbuch—Book Announcement from Psammeticus Press; by Vürffle Tsyllynda; From Volume CLVIII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2010 (Read by Trey Jones.)
Proto-Indo-Spamopean—An Early Exemplar of “Ye Olde Baite of Yon Clicke”
Sep 26, 2015 • 1 min
Proto-Indo-Spamopean—An Early Exemplar of “Ye Olde Baite of Yon Clicke”; by X. Kuvador, R. Kialugist, and Pael E. O’Ntolojiss; From Volume CLXXIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2015 — While many today lament the imminent demise of the…
Labyrinths & Linguists
Sep 20, 2015 • 3 min
Labyrinths & Linguists; by Craig Kopris; From Volume CLXXIII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2015 — While perusing the wax cylinder recordings stored at one of the major archives on the eastern seaboard (which will be left unnamed to protect…
The Linguistic Placebo Effect
Sep 13, 2015 • 4 min
The Linguistic Placebo Effect; by I. Tinerant; From Volume CLXXI, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2014 — Literature Review / Of course it is important, when setting out on an academic adventure, to properly prepare by briefly reviewing the…
Phonologist’s Shanty
Sep 5, 2015 • 1 min
Phonologist’s Shanty; Traditional; From Volume CLXXIV, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2015 — What shall we do with the velar nasal? / What shall we do with the velar nasal? / What shall we do with the velar nasal? / Early in the morning.…
Chickenese—A Grammatical Sketch
Aug 22, 2015 • 2 min
Chickenese—A Grammatical Sketch; by Damon Lord; From Volume CLI, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2006 — Many linguists and animal psychologists have sought to discover if mankind is the sole species to have developed language. Recent experiments…
The “Vowel Space” DVD Boxed Set
Aug 15, 2015 • 4 min
The “Vowel Space” DVD Boxed Set; Advertisement; From Volume CLXXI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, December 2014 — The “Vowel Space” DVD Boxed Set—Available for the first time ever in one collection! (Read by Trey Jones.)
“Language” Characteristics in Certain Higher Primates—(Professors of Education)
Aug 8, 2015 • 5 min
“Language” Characteristics in Certain Higher Primates—(Professors of Education); by Charles Bishop; From Son of Lingua Pranca, November, 1979 — Scientists have long recognized that the average professor of education is remarkably close to man himself in…
On THE Speculative Grammarian
Aug 2, 2015 • 2 min
On THE Speculative Grammarian; by THE Editor-in-Chief; From Volume CLXXIII, (173) Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, May 2015 — We are often asked why we don’t use “the” in front of “Speculative Grammarian” in the name of our journal. (Well, that’s a…
Ambiguity In Action: A Bawdy Count
Jul 27, 2015 • 17 min
Ambiguity In Action: A Bawdy Count; by Norman C. Stageberg; From Lingua Pranca, June, 1978 — One major source of humor is found in the many and various situations of everyday life, both as they occur in actuality and as they are refined and recounted in…
The Art of the -ome
Jul 11, 2015 • 4 min
The Art of the -ome; by Z. En ‘Bud’ Dhist; From Volume CLX, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, October 2010 — Despite the fact that, contrary to my expectations, I did not receive a request to be an invited speaker at the CELGA workshop “Perspectives on…
A Warning for Linguists
Jul 3, 2015 • 3 min
A Warning for Linguists; by Keith Slater; From Volume I, Number 2, of Babel, April 1990 — We in linguistics are well-accustomed, by now, to the fact that other disciplines—notably the “hard” sciences—regularly upstage us and grab all the glory in the…
Linguistic Emissions Reduction Sought
Jul 3, 2015 • 2 min
Linguistic Emissions Reduction Sought; by SpecGram Wire Services; From Volume CLIII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2007 — Sanaa, Yemen—Tempers flared at global climate talks today, as environmental and linguistic concerns met head-on. The…
Grammar Cop
Jul 1, 2015 • 0 min
Grammar Cop; by Trey Jones; From Volume CLXXIII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2015 — Theirs know kneed two feere! / Grammer Kop iz hear! (Performed by The 3x3 Men’s Room Chorus.)
Linguistics Nerd Camp—Marsha and Her Thesis
Jun 26, 2015 • 0 min
Linguistics Nerd Camp—Marsha and Her Thesis; by Bethany Carlson; From Volume CLXI, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2011 — Marsha and her thesis made a cute couple, but their friends worried that she was trying to change him. (Described by Keith…
One Hundred Words for Snowclone
Jun 26, 2015 • 10 min
One Hundred Words for Snowclone; by Claude Searsplainpockets and X. Izthunüblakk; From Volume CLXX, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, June 2014 — Any linguist worthy of attending SALT knows of the linguistic myth that eskimos have hundreds of words for…
Current Issues in Gastronomy
Jun 19, 2015 • 5 min
Current Issues in Gastronomy; by Elan Dresher and Norbert Hornstein; From Lingua Pranca, June, 1978 — The mounting rumours that the noted linguist James D. McCawley has written an annotated translation of a Japanese cookbook on oriental cuisine have…
Cartoon Theories of Linguistics—Part 九
Jun 19, 2015 • 1 min
Cartoon Theories of Linguistics—Part 九; by Phineas Q. Phlogiston, Ph.D.; From Volume CLIV, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, May 2008 — Lexicostatistics vs. Glottochronology (“Insightful!” … “Balderdash!”) (Described by Keith Slater.)
The ’Trilaa Counting Song
Jun 19, 2015 • 0 min
The ’Trilaa Counting Song; A ’Trilaa Folk Song; From Volume CLX, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2010 — ʙ̥ r̥ ʀ̥ ɦ / 1 2 4 8 / ʀ r ʙ ʙ̥͡ʀ̥ ʙ̥͡r̥ / 12 10 9 5 3 (Performed by Trey Jones.)
On the Correct Usage of the Ellipsis
Jun 12, 2015 • 8 min
On the Correct Usage of the Ellipsis; by Darius D. Dolesworthy, Otis Oswald Ott, and T. Thadeus Theotokopoulis; From Volume CLX, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2010 — It has come to our attention that there are certain individuals…
Ten New Commandments for Linguists
Jun 12, 2015 • 4 min
Ten New Commandments for Linguists; Transcribed from the original Stone Tablets by Trey Jones, et al.; From Collateral Descendant of Lingua Pranca, October, 2009 — As a Linguist, thou art an ambassador for the scientific study of Language and languages in…
Introducing.. The SpecGram ⅔ Ellipsis™©
Jun 5, 2015 • 1 min
Introducing.. The SpecGram ⅔ Ellipsis™©; by The Editors of SpecGram; From Volume CLIX, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, June 2010 — Introducing.. The SpecGram ⅔ Ellipsis™©—More than a Comma.. Less than a Semicolon!℠® (Read by James Campbell.)
The Typesetter’s Nursery Rhyme
Jun 5, 2015 • 0 min
The Typesetter’s Nursery Rhyme; by Author Unknown; From Volume CLXXII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2015 — soft hyphen, & shy; hyphen, / a little break prefer… (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
The Ten Commandments
Jun 5, 2015 • 1 min
The Ten Commandments; by Evan Smith; From Lingua Pranca, June, 1978 — The Ten Commandments: Linguistic Universals—A Finite Set of Rules from Infinite Wisdom, As Told To Moses by God. (Read by Trey Jones.)
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLIV
May 29, 2015 • 45 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLIV — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined once again by returning guests Jason Wells-Jensen and Tim Pulju. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss tongue twister research and reveal their academic…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLIII
May 22, 2015 • 49 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLIII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by returning guests Tim Pulju and Jason Wells-Jensen. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss how to fake a language, and then contemplate ways in which…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLII
May 15, 2015 • 62 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by returning guest Hedvig Skirgård. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds see what comes out of their mouths after reading an article claiming awareness comes…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLI
May 8, 2015 • 48 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLI — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by guest Hedvig Skirgård. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds go into denial about their own “fingerprint words”, and then flip the script with some…
The Nasal Tone: An Honest Tale
Apr 24, 2015 • 5 min
The Nasal Tone: An Honest Tale; by Barb Tyd-Laika and Tessie Chopp Durnford; From Volume CLXVI, (166) Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2013 — One of our favourite places for a “Speculative-Grammarian–style” afternoon is at the home of our dear…
Evidential Complexity and Language Loss in Pinnacle Sherpa
Apr 17, 2015 • 9 min
Evidential Complexity and Language Loss in Pinnacle Sherpa; by Keith Slater; From Volume CLI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, October 2006 — Abstract / In this paper I describe an unprecedented situation of language loss: that which is found in…
UXⁿ: The Implications of Sampson’s Proof of Universal Science
Apr 10, 2015 • 5 min
UXⁿ: The Implications of Sampson’s Proof of Universal Science; by Bjorn-Bob Weaselflinger; From Volume CLIV, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, May 2008 — As this author has noted elsewhere, it is not uncommon in linguistics—just as in other…
Language Reviews
Apr 3, 2015 • 4 min
Language Reviews; by Dr. P. Nonoir; From Volume CLIX, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2010 — This month we asked avid SpecGram reader Dr. P. Nonoir, Professor of Oenological Linguistics at the Sorbonne, to review some of his favourite languages.…
A Yonge Philologiste’s First Drynkynge Poime
Mar 27, 2015 • 3 min
A Yonge Philologiste’s First Drynkynge Poime; Author Unknown; From Volume CL, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2005 — Whan that Apryl, with hir bosooms soote, / The draughtes of beere hath feched barefoote … (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
Velum, Velum, Little Thing
Mar 27, 2015 • 1 min
Velum, Velum, Little Thing; by Phrançoise Phonétique; From Volume CLXVI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2013 — Velum, velum little thing. / How I wonder where you swing. / Up above the tongue so high, / Like a larynx in the sky. (Read by Les…
ODE TO ALCUIN
Mar 27, 2015 • 0 min
ODE TO ALCUIN; by Anonymous; From Volume CLVI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2009 — ALCUIN, O ALCUIN, YOU RENAIS- / SANCE-Y CAROLINGIAN BASTARD, / YOU HAVE GONE AND NEARLY DOUBLED / THE COUNT OF LETTERS TO BE MASTERED. (Read by Trey Jones.)
Spaz Attack in the Corner—Look! Look! I’m flying…
Mar 20, 2015 • 0 min
Spaz Attack in the Corner—Look! Look! I’m flying…; by Don & III; From Volume CXLVII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, March 1993 — Linguistics: “Look! Look! I’m flying…” (Described by Keith Slater.)
Linguistics Nerd Camp—Small Talk
Mar 20, 2015 • 0 min
Linguistics Nerd Camp—Small Talk; by Bethany Carlson; From Volume CLX, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2011 — Surprisingly, Marty found that his small talk skills had actually declined during his summer at linguistics school. (Described by…
The Dog Days of Summer—A Letter from the Nordic Editor
Mar 20, 2015 • 1 min
The Dog Days of Summer—A Letter from the Nordic Editor; by Rötmånad Mätäkuu; From Volume CLIV, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2008 — Welcome to the time of year when the seas boil, wine turns sour, dogs grow mad, and all creatures become…
SpecGram, the Religion
Mar 13, 2015 • 6 min
SpecGram, the Religion; by Margo T. Cip, A. M. Grössten, & Strčprst Kskrzkrk; From Volume CLXI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2011 — Linguists have always had several choices of deity—including Bloduwedda and her lot, or Θωθ, the…
New Course Offerings in Linguistics
Mar 6, 2015 • 1 min
New Course Offerings in Linguistics; from l’École de SpecGram, Paris; From Volume CLXVI, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, February 2013 — NEW: Degree in Linguodontics / The Paris campus of l’École de SpecGram is pleased to announce the introduction of…
The Necessity of Sound Theoretical Frameworks in Linguistic Education
Feb 27, 2015 • 4 min
The Necessity of Sound Theoretical Frameworks in Linguistic Education; by Noah McMosky; From Volume CLXVI, (166) Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2013 — Theoretical Linguistics has the loftiest of goals, namely the creation of a theoretical…
How They Do It In Linguistics
Feb 20, 2015 • 1 min
How They Do It In Linguistics; by James Crippen; From Volume CLV, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, December 2008 — Sociolinguists do it with variety. … (Read by Trey Jones.)
The Prudent Fieldworker’s Guide to Preparation and Packing—Part II
Feb 13, 2015 • 9 min
The Prudent Fieldworker’s Guide to Preparation and Packing—Part II; by Athanasious Schadenpoodle; From Volume CLIX, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, May 2010 — [Editor’s Note. This is Part II of Professor Schadenpoodle’s authoritative guide to…
The Prudent Fieldworker’s Guide to Preparation and Packing—Part I
Feb 6, 2015 • 9 min
The Prudent Fieldworker’s Guide to Preparation and Packing—Part I; by Athanasious Schadenpoodle; From Volume CLVIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2010 — [Editor’s Note: While Prof. Schadenpoodle has, to our knowledge, only gone on two…
On the Meta-Abstractness of the Abstract Abstract
Jan 23, 2015 • 1 min
On the Meta-Abstractness of the Abstract Abstract; by Métha Maxwell; From Collateral Descendant of Lingua Pranca, October, 2009 — ABSTRACT: Little note has been taken of the linguistically universal logical and empirical implications and consequences that…
The Abstract Abstract
Jan 23, 2015 • 1 min
The Abstract Abstract; by Edith Maxwell; From Son of Lingua Pranca, November, 1979 — On the Abstractness of Abstractness / This paper will present new evidence which bears crucially on an empirical question not only directly relevant to the future of…
Linguistic Deskwork
Jan 16, 2015 • 2 min
Linguistic Deskwork; by H.D. Onesimus; From Volume CL, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2005 — Since the so-called ‘discovery’ of endangered languages, much breathless attention in linguistics has been devoted to the topic of methods for…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XL
Jan 9, 2015 • 56 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XL — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined yet again by returning guest Madalena Cruz-Ferreira. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss Twitter Tribes and why biologists shouldn’t do corpus…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXIX
Jan 2, 2015 • 45 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXIX — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined again by returning guest Madalena Cruz-Ferreira. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss angry texting orthography, and then attempt to lend a helping…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXVIII
Dec 26, 2014 • 47 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXVIII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined yet again by returning guest Tim Pulju. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss automating historical linguistic reconstructions, and then discuss ideas…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXVII
Dec 19, 2014 • 43 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXVII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by returning guest Tim Pulju. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss cross-linguistics differences in language acquisition (with special references to…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXVI
Dec 12, 2014 • 54 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXVI — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined again by guest Jason Wells-Jensen. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss the pointlessness of baby talk compared to the pointlessness of lemur…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXV
Dec 5, 2014 • 51 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXV — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by guest Jason Wells-Jensen. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss the wisdom of trying to revive “Indo-European”, and partake in some Linguistic Parlor…
Old Professor Hockett
Nov 28, 2014 • 1 min
Old Professor Hockett; by James Riley Whitcomb; From World of Language, Volume I, Number 2 of The Journal of the Linguistic Society of South-Central New Caledonia, February 1991 — Old Professor Hockett came to our school one day, / To teach us some…
Annual Realgedankenexperiment Grant
Nov 21, 2014 • 5 min
Annual Realgedankenexperiment Grant; by the Journal of Forbidden Experiments; From Volume CLXVII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2013 — Once again, the Journal of Forbidden Experiments is accepting applications for its Annual…
The Texas World Cultural Festival and Poetry Recitation Competition
Nov 14, 2014 • 13 min
The Texas World Cultural Festival and Poetry Recitation Competition; by Damian Grammatical; — I’m Damian Grammatical, Radio Highbrow’s Culture Correspondent based in Austin, Texas. On Saturday, the 18th of October, 2014, the Texas World Cultural Festival…
The Definition of Progress
Nov 7, 2014 • 3 min
The Definition of Progress; by Sam Crusemire; From Volume CLXVI, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, February 2013 — The average member of Richmond’s “jeunesse dorée” will be delighted to discover that our university plans to release its own “Dictionary…
Using NLP to Defeat NLP
Oct 24, 2014 • 2 min
Using NLP to Defeat NLP; by The Γραμματο-Χαοτικον; From Volume CLXV, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, October 2012 — We are the Γραμματο-Χαοτικον, an underground alliance of linguists, philologists, and polyglots. Our self-appointed role is to…
Important Idioms in Contemporary Science
Oct 17, 2014 • 1 min
Important Idioms in Contemporary Science; by Metalleus; From Lingua Pranca, June, 1978 — Text: (28) is very likely a universal constraint. / Read: I know, for sure, that (28) works for English, French, and certain Lolo-Burmese dialects. (Read by Trey…
Linguists Don’t Need Prescriptivists
Oct 10, 2014 • 2 min
Linguists Don’t Need Prescriptivists; by Dr. D. Schkrbtov; From Volume CLVIII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2010 — I was very disturbed and exceedingly disappointed when I first read Afiresay, Iresaf, and Safopireop’s screed “Linguists…
Linguists Need Prescriptivists, and probably Pig Latin, too
Oct 3, 2014 • 3 min
Linguists Need Prescriptivists, and probably Pig Latin, too; by Dr. Illiamway Afiresay, hDPay; Dr. Iamwill Iresaf, DPh; and Dr. Willopiamop Safopireop, PophopDop; From Volume CLVI, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2009 — It has been theorized…
Don’t Baby That Baby, Baby
Sep 26, 2014 • 2 min
Don’t Baby That Baby, Baby; by Butch McBastard; From Volume CLXVIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, October 2013 — Despite the attempts by those who study the phenomenon to dress it up in jargon (“caretaker speech”), cutesiness (“motherese”), or…
A Psychosis of the “Framework Psychosis” Framework
Sep 19, 2014 • 4 min
A Psychosis of the “Framework Psychosis” Framework; by Jonathan van der Meer; From Volume CLXVIII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2013 — Framework Psychosis, as expertly reified by Dr. Pill, is a very useful window on the world. It provides…
Linguistic Koans
Sep 12, 2014 • 3 min
Linguistic Koans; by Z. En ‘Bud’ Dhist; From Volume CLIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2007 — What is the sound of one vocal cord flapping? (Read by Trey Jones.)
The Swiss Data Massage Villa
Aug 29, 2014 • 1 min
The Swiss Data Massage Villa; From Volume CLXVIII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2013 — Are your data feeling tense? Unable or Reluctant to bend gently to fit the graceful contours of your new theory? Are your N’s too small? Your P’s too…
Where are the Vampire Linguists?
Aug 22, 2014 • 2 min
Where are the Vampire Linguists?; by F. Ang Bangah; From Volume CLVII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2009 — Though many people have had trouble coming to terms with the truth about vampires since they “came out of the coffin” in the…
Dialect Continuum Language Studies
Jul 25, 2014 • 4 min
Dialect Continuum Language Studies; by Psammeticus Institute; From Volume CLIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2007 — Psammeticus Institute—the Language Education branch of linguistics publishing powerhouse Psammeticus Press—allows you to…
The Symptoms and Warning Signs of Framework Psychosis
Jul 18, 2014 • 3 min
The Symptoms and Warning Signs of Framework Psychosis; by Dr. Pill, M.D.; From Volume CLV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2008 — Framework Psychosis, a new and dangerous affliction sweeping through academia like wildfire, is the unhealthy…
Degenerative Grammar—Our Current State of Linguistic Degradation
Jul 4, 2014 • 4 min
Degenerative Grammar—Our Current State of Linguistic Degradation; by D. T. R. O’Rait, D. Bauch, and Wayne N. DeKay; From Volume CLXVI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2013 — Since the 1950s, linguistics has been wild with excitement over…
On Linguistic Death Cults
Jun 27, 2014 • 2 min
On Linguistic Death Cults; by The Managing Editor; From Volume CLXII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2011 — For those not familiar with the casting of pods in which some of the editors of SpecGram engage, I feel obligated to comment on a…
The No. 1 Linguists’ Detective Agency
Jun 20, 2014 • 8 min
The No. 1 Linguists’ Detective Agency; by Keith W. Slater; From Volume CLXIV, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, February 2012 — M̥ma Makutsi had just poured the tea. Red bush tea for M̥ma Ramotswe, and ordinary tea for M̥ma Makutsi, who preferred…
University Sues Self for Plagiarism
Jun 13, 2014 • 2 min
University Sues Self for Plagiarism; by SpecGram Wire Services; From Volume CLXVII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2013 — The University of Texas at Austin has filed suit against itself for theft of intellectual property. A countersuit, also…
Compound Nouns for Frances
Jun 6, 2014 • 3 min
Compound Nouns for Frances; by Keith Slater and Kean Kaufmann; From Volume CLXVII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2013 — Frances and her baby sister Gloria were playing dodge ball in their front yard when Albert came along. Albert was pulling…
Speculative Grammarian—Our Story
May 30, 2014 • 1 min
Speculative Grammarian—Our Story; by Trey Jones; From the Speculative Grammarian “About Us” web page — The august journal Speculative Grammarian has a long, rich, and varied history, weaving an intricate and subtle tapestry from disparate strands of…
The Patented SpecGram 5 Minute Interview: Arika Okrent
May 23, 2014 • 4 min
The Patented SpecGram 5 Minute Interview: Arika Okrent — My guest today is Arika Okrent, linguist, author of “In the Land of Invented Languages”, fan of conlangs and, I think, conlangers, speaker of Klingon and Hungarian, signer of ASL, and contributor to…
The Patented SpecGram 5 Minute Interview: Philip Resnik
May 23, 2014 • 3 min
The Patented SpecGram 5 Minute Interview: Philip Resnik — My guest today is Philip Resnik, a professor at the University of Maryland, with joint appointments in the Department of Linguistics and at the Institute for Advanced Computer Studies. Phillip is…
Grrr!
May 16, 2014 • 0 min
Grrr!; by Trey Jones—from The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics Video Contest
I Study Linguistics
May 16, 2014 • 0 min
I Study Linguistics; by Vince Wilson—from The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics Video Contest
We Didn’t Start the Satire
May 16, 2014 • 1 min
We Didn’t Start the Satire; by Audie O. & Hannah Graham—from The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics Video Contest
Studying Abroad
May 16, 2014 • 1 min
Studying Abroad; by Tuuli Mustasydän—from The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics Video Contest
Rasmus McRask of the Clan McRask
May 16, 2014 • 0 min
Rasmus McRask of the Clan McRask; by Rasmus McRask—from The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics Video Contest
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXIV
May 2, 2014 • 55 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXIV — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by once again by returning guest Devan Steiner. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss whether or not all the forms of “to be” in Indo-European languages…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXIII
Apr 25, 2014 • 46 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXIII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by returning guest Devan Steiner. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss how physicists rediscovered glottochronology and have used it to date the Iliad…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXII
Apr 18, 2014 • 62 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXII — The SpecGram LingNerds go it alone again in this episode. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss their prescriptive confessions, whether science is generally screwed, and whether…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXI
Apr 11, 2014 • 49 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXI — The SpecGram LingNerds go it alone in this episode. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss word aversion and random interesting linguisticky factoids.
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXX
Apr 4, 2014 • 34 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXX — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined yet again by Madalena Cruz-Ferreira. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss a prescriptive terrorist, and our favorite SpecGram articles.
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXIX
Mar 28, 2014 • 54 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXIX — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined again by Madalena Cruz-Ferreira. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss a proposal for a new character for “the”, and reflect on the coolest features…
Remembering Better Times
Mar 21, 2014 • 2 min
Remembering Better Times; by Herbert Theodore Howlingstonshire, XII; From Volume CLXIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2012 — It wasn’t long ago that the editors and staff of Speculative Grammarian could be found enjoying a snifter of…
SpecGram Suzie!
Mar 14, 2014 • 3 min
SpecGram Suzie!; by Psammeticus Entertainment; From Volume CLIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2008 — Psammeticus Entertainment proudly presents… SpecGram Suzie! (Read by Trey Jones and Sheri Wells-Jensen.)
Frog and Toad Teach Linguistics
Mar 7, 2014 • 2 min
Frog and Toad Teach Linguistics; by Keith Slater and illustrated by Kean Kaufmann; From Volume CLXIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2011 — Frog was sitting in his office. He looked at his watch. He saw that it was 10:00. “This is a fine…
Kill All Phoneticians
Feb 28, 2014 • 1 min
Kill All Phoneticians; by Die Lingulelen; From Volume CLXIX, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2014 — The taste of love is sweet / When two syntacticians meet / But can our love survive / If we don’t agree how to derive? (Performed by Die…
Riches of Embarrassment
Feb 21, 2014 • 2 min
Riches of Embarrassment; by The Managing Editor; From Volume CLXVII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2013 — Every young, eagerly partying Facebook user has, at some point, woken up one morning to discover that they have posted online an…
The I in Team
Feb 14, 2014 • 3 min
The I in Team; by The Managing Editor; From Volume CLXVI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2013 — The writers of business books, corporate cheerleaders in HR, and other reprobates like to say that “There is no I in team,” meaning, of course,…
To the Computational Linguists
Feb 7, 2014 • 2 min
To the Computational Linguists; by The Managing Editor; From Volume CLXV, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2012 — First, why isn’t there more Computational Philology out there? Okay, I know no one is going to actually answer that, and most…
Linguistic Cocktails
Jan 31, 2014 • 6 min
Linguistic Cocktails; by The SpecGram Mixologists; From Volume CLX, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, December 2010 — Interest in cocktails has had a resurgence lately, with people trying new combinations and reviving forgotten blends. We shouldn’t…
The Assumption of Slang
Jan 24, 2014 • 4 min
The Assumption of Slang; by Jonathan “Ði ’Phone” van der Meer; From Volume CL, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, October 2005 — It will come as no surprise to anyone to hear that cliquish groups—such as gangs, glee clubs, and various academic…
Public Service Announcement from The Ministry of Silly Sounds
Jan 17, 2014 • 4 min
Public Service Announcement; by The Ministry of Silly Sounds; From Volume CLXVI, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2012 — The Ministry of Silly Sounds wishes to inform the public that the following sounds have been collaboratively developed in…
An Apology to Mathematicians
Jan 10, 2014 • 2 min
An Apology to Mathematicians; by Yahya Abdal-Aziz; From Volume CLVII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2009 — It has been brought to our attention that the ‘Lettres to the Editour’ in the special “Canada Day” edition of SpecGram, Vol CLI, No…
The Hidden Language of Public Seduction—An Anthropological Linguistic Study of Spanyol
Dec 27, 2013 • 10 min
The Hidden Language of Public Seduction—An Anthropological Linguistic Study of Spanyol; by Claude Searsplainpockets; From Volume CLIII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2007 — Earlier this year, in preparation for fieldwork in Mozambique,…
The Original English Movement
Dec 20, 2013 • 2 min
The Original English Movement; Announcement; From Volume CXLIX, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2004 — For decades descriptive linguists and professional prescriptivists—technical writers, editors, and English teachers—have been at war. As most…
Review of “The Semantics and Pragmatics of Voice Systems: A Functional Analysis”, by Carrie Cameron
Dec 16, 2013 • 3 min
Review of “The Semantics and Pragmatics of Voice Systems: A Functional Analysis”, by Carrie Cameron; by Zoltan Lazar; From Volume I, Number 2, of Babel, April 1990 (Read by Keith Slater.)
A Review of Wailin’ Jennings’ “Mommas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Linguists”
Dec 13, 2013 • 1 min
A Review of Wailin’ Jennings’ “Mommas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Linguists”; by Praenomen Gentilicium Cognomen, Esq.; From Volume CLXV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2012 — Well-known kʌn.trɪ.n.wɛs.tʌrn star Wailin’ Jennings—son of…
People with Lack of Original Research Ideas (PLORI)
Dec 9, 2013 • 2 min
People with Lack of Original Research Ideas (PLORI); Advertisement; From Volume CLXVIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, December 2013 — People with Lack of Original Research Ideas in Linguistics (PLORI), is a national support group for postgraduates…
Recision and Precall—Accuracy Measures for the 21st Century
Dec 2, 2013 • 4 min
Recision and Precall—Accuracy Measures for the 21st Century; by Jonathan van der Meer; From Volume CLII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2007 — Thanks to a decades-long case of physics envy and the advent of cheap computational power,…
On Saving Endangered Languages as Part of Doing Doctoral Research
Nov 25, 2013 • 2 min
On Saving Endangered Languages as Part of Doing Doctoral Research; by Albertrinette Q. Yue-Ramirez; From Volume CLXIV, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, June 2012 — Searching for a dissertation topic gives one an abundance of time for introspection.…
Ozymandian semicolon.. lying in the sand.. An Ode to the Two-Dot Ellipsis..
Nov 22, 2013 • 1 min
Ozymandian semicolon.. lying in the sand.. An Ode to the Two-Dot Ellipsis..; by J.. K.. Eats..; From Volume CLXV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2012 — Thou still incomplete bride of punctuation.. (Read by Trey Jones.)
The Traditional Grammarian as Poet
Nov 22, 2013 • 0 min
The Traditional Grammarian as Poet; by Ted Hipple; From Volume CLXVIII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2013 (Read by Trey Jones.)
Paramount Seeks To Leverage Linguistic Capital
Nov 15, 2013 • 1 min
Paramount Seeks To Leverage Linguistic Capital; by SpecGram Wire Services; From Volume CL, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2005 — Attempting to leverage the success of its Klingon monopoly, Star Trek owner Paramount Pictures has been making…
Language Death by Speaker Rejection—More Case Studies
Nov 12, 2013 • 4 min
Language Death by Speaker Rejection—More Case Studies; by William Carlos Williams Carloses Williamses; From Volume CLXV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2012 — In a previous article I introduced a new mechanism of language death: that by which…
On Some Acoustic Correlates of Isoglossy
Nov 8, 2013 • 4 min
On Some Acoustic Correlates of Isoglossy; by Robert L. Rankin; From Lingua Pranca, June, 1978 — At the very end of Anton Chekhov’s play The Cherry Orchard there is a reference to a peculiar sound. (Read by Cathal Peelo.)
Language Death by Speaker Rejection—A Few Case Studies
Nov 5, 2013 • 5 min
Language Death by Speaker Rejection—A Few Case Studies; by William Carlos Williams Carloses Williamses; From Volume CLXV, (165) Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2012 — Much recent work has focused on the death of languages worldwide. Such sad…
The European Dialects of Cheese
Oct 29, 2013 • 4 min
The European Dialects of Cheese; reviewed by Ms Carpone; From Volume CL, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2005 — This comprehensive study of European Cheese dialects contains chapters on historical reconstruction, olfactory linguistics, politics,…
Tridekavalent Verbs of Telenovelity in Mydlováskji
Oct 25, 2013 • 3 min
Tridekavalent Verbs of Telenovelity in Mydlováskji; by Śūnyatā Qoɣusun; From Volume CLIX, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, May 2010 — This summer I set out to do some introductory fieldwork on an endangered minority language in Mexico of possibly…
The Original Language of Winnie-the-Pooh
Oct 18, 2013 • 9 min
The Original Language of Winnie-the-Pooh; by Aureliano Buendía; From Volume CXLVIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 1998 — The text known in English as “Winnie-the-Pooh” occurs in dozens of different languages. Scholars have long debated the…
Davie Dunnit’s Disparaging Dictionary
Oct 16, 2013 • 2 min
Davie Dunnit’s Disparaging Dictionary; Advertisement; From Volume CLXVI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2013 — Davie Dunnit’s Disparaging Dictionary — Practical Prescriptivism at its Finest! (Read by Trey Jones.)
Dates in the Month of May that Are of Interest to Linguists
Oct 11, 2013 • 3 min
Dates in the Month of May that Are of Interest to Linguists; by James D. McCawley; From Lingua Pranca, An Anthology of Linguistic Humor, June, 1978 — May, the month in which Goodspeed day is celebrated, by recently established tradition, can be seen from…
The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics Book Trailer
Oct 4, 2013 • 1 min
The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics Book Trailer; by Trey Jones.
Review of John Stuart Mill and the Temple of Doom
Sep 27, 2013 • 2 min
Review of John Stuart Mill and the Temple of Doom; by Vervet Vandiver Vanlandingham-Vanderveer; From Volume CLXVII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, June 2013 — This weekend I went to see the new high-spectacle action-adventure film, “John Stuart Mill…
Everything psychologists wanted to know about linguistics but were afraid to ask
Sep 24, 2013 • 2 min
Everything psychologists wanted to know about linguistics but were afraid to ask; by Herr Prof. Dr. Harold Twistenbaum; From Volume CLXV, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2012 — Where’s linguistics? / Linguistics is a branch of psychology,…
The Speculative Grammarian Survey of Grammar Writers—Phonology
Sep 20, 2013 • 2 min
The Speculative Grammarian Survey of Grammar Writers—Phonology; by Morris Swadesh III; From Volume CLXVII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2013 — Introduction / For the past 40 months, Speculative Grammarian’s Office of Linguistic Documentation…
The Sociolinguistic Impact of Hippie Linguist Naming Practices
Sep 17, 2013 • 5 min
The Sociolinguistic Impact of Hippie Linguist Naming Practices; by ɹɒbɪn O’Jonesson; From Volume CLXIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2011 — There is little discussion in the literature concerning the social and psychological effects of…
O Socio, Socio! Wherefore art thou Socio?
Sep 13, 2013 • 0 min
O Socio, Socio! Wherefore art thou Socio?; by Thomas Basil Callan Bernstein-Hodson; From Volume CLXVI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2013. (Read by Brianne Hughes.)
Philologer’s Kvetchwhinge 32
Sep 13, 2013 • 0 min
Philologer’s Kvetchwhinge 32; by Athanasious Schadenpoodle; From Volume CLXVI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2013. (Read by Brianne Hughes.)
Texan for Linguists
Sep 6, 2013 • 4 min
Texan for Linguists; by Katy Jo Parker and Truman ‘Tex’ Beauregard; From Volume CLXI, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2011 — This article is not about the descriptively interesting linguistic features of Texan dialects of English (such as…
Verner’s Law, Parts 1-3
Sep 3, 2013 • 18 min
Video: Verner’s Law, Parts 1-3; by Ari Hoptman. Part 1 deals with the “discovery” of the first consonant shift, which, in effect, gave birth to the Germanic languages. Part 2 deals with Verner’s Law itself, an exception to the first consonant shift. Part…
Adaptive Heuristic Caching in Name Recall
Aug 30, 2013 • 5 min
Adaptive Heuristic Caching in Name Recall; by Trey Jones; From Volume CXLIX, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2004 — This paper will present a brief case study and provide data pertaining to an apparently inconsistent linguistic behavior…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXVIII
Aug 27, 2013 • 36 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXVIII — The SpecGram LingNerds go it alone once again. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss some problems with (the) French, and reveal their least favorite subdisciplines of linguistics.
Linguistics and Television
Aug 23, 2013 • 2 min
Linguistics and Television; by C Robson; From Volume CLXVI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2013 — It occurred to me the other day that despite a great range of educational channels available to the modern television viewer, it appears that…
Simon M. Tating
Aug 20, 2013 • 1 min
Obituary for Simon M. Tating; From Volume CLXVI, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2012 — Prof. Simon M. Tating, 63, of Farborough, passed away 19th November 2012 attempting to learn the pronunciation of certain Bantu words involving various…
On the Quantum Nature of Linguistic Fame—A Reply to Slater
Aug 16, 2013 • 6 min
On the Quantum Nature of Linguistic Fame—A Reply to Slater; by Cadwallader Colden; From Volume CLXVII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, June 2013 — Dear Sirs: / Your a̶u̶g̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶s̶t̶e̶r̶l̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶h̶o̶n̶o̶u̶r̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶e̶s̶t̶i̶m̶a̶b̶l̶e̶…
Fifty Grades of A
Aug 13, 2013 • 1 min
Fifty Grades of A; by i ɛl dʒemz; From Volume CLXV, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2012 — Get the book that everyone’s talking about… (Read by Trey Jones, Cathal Peelo, Claude Searsplainpockets, Veronika Reeve, and Brianne Hughes.)
Optimality Theory Was a Hoax—Prince and Smolensky finally come clean
Aug 9, 2013 • 2 min
Optimality Theory Was a Hoax—Prince and Smolensky finally come clean; by SpecGram Wire Services; From Volume CLXVI Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2013 — At a tearful news conference during the 2013 Annual Meeting of the Linguistic Society of…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXVII
Aug 6, 2013 • 36 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXVII — The SpecGram LingNerds go it alone this time. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss the grammaticalization of “slash” and review some Comprehensive Exam questions and answers.
The Mandarin Informant
Aug 2, 2013 • 4 min
The Mandarin Informant; by Scott Belden and Shadrack M. Kakui;
A Student’s Guide to the History of Linguistics Based on Example Sentences
Jul 26, 2013 • 2 min
A Student’s Guide to the History of Linguistics Based on Example Sentences; by Franz Neumayer; From Volume CLXII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2011 — The following sentences exemplify important concepts in linguistics, and relate them to…
Linguist Sues Language Community
Jul 19, 2013 • 1 min
Linguist Sues Language Community; by SpecGram Wire Services; From Volume CLXVI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2013 — Graduate student Simon Ticks, of University of Minnesota Department of Linguistics, is suing a White Hmong village in…
Rock, Paper, Scissors, Computational Linguist, Nasal-Ingressive Voiceless Velar Trill, Chomsky—A New Game for Every Linguist
Jul 12, 2013 • 2 min
Rock, Paper, Scissors, Computational Linguist, Nasal-Ingressive Voiceless Velar Trill, Chomsky—A New Game for Every Linguist; by Phlange Kadigan; From Volume CLVII, Number 3, Speculative Grammarian, November 2009 — We are almost all quite familiar with…
Strings and Things: A Unificational Meta-Theory for All Linguistics
Jul 5, 2013 • 4 min
Strings and Things: A Unificational Meta-Theory for All Linguistics; by Trent Slater; From Volume CLXVII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, May 2013 — Despite the best efforts in those sciences that ignore the importance of morphological…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXVI
Jun 28, 2013 • 37 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXVI — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined again by guest Aya Katz. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss whether English has a perfectly phonetic orthography, and some of the interesting…
Everything Linguists Ever Wanted To Know About Prime Numbers
Jun 21, 2013 • 2 min
Everything Linguists Ever Wanted To Know About Prime Numbers; by A. Nonymous; From Volume CLXII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, June 2011 — How do various types of linguists go about analyzing, for themselves and their conspecifics, the primality of…
Guidelines for the Behavior of Graduate Students of Phonetics
Jun 14, 2013 • 1 min
Guidelines for the Behavior of Graduate Students of Phonetics; by Felicity ConditionsFrom Volume CLVI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2009 — 1. The IPA symbol for a bilabial click is not called “the cervix,” even if it really looks like one.…
Whettam’s “Linguistics: an extraordinarily short introduction”
Jun 7, 2013 • 2 min
Whettam’s “Linguistics: an extraordinarily short introduction”; by Reviewed by A. Crostic; From Volume CLI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2006 — “Linguistics: an extraordinarily short introduction”. / H.P. Whettam. Droxfo University Press,…
Handbook for Linguistic Elicitation, Volume 28: Laziness and Inactivity
May 31, 2013 • 1 min
Handbook for Linguistic Elicitation, Volume 28: Laziness and Inactivity; by Editors of Psammeticus PressFrom Volume CLXVII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, May 2013 — Handbook for Linguistic Elicitation, Volume 28: Laziness and Inactivity / From the…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXV
May 23, 2013 • 41 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXV — The SpecGram LingNerds (including new LingNerd Sheri Wells-Jensen) are joined by guest Aya Katz. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss the applications of involuntary gripping in response…
Help with the SpecGram Podcast!
May 17, 2013 • 0 min
Help with the SpecGram Podcast; by Trey Jones
The Γραμματο-Χαοτικον Manifesto
May 17, 2013 • 3 min
The Γραμματο-Χαοτικον Manifesto; by The Γραμματο-Χαοτικον; From Volume CL, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, October 2005 — We are the Γραμματο-Χαοτικον, an underground alliance of linguists, philologists, and polyglots. Our self-appointed role is to…
On the Taxonomic Classification of minimalistici
May 10, 2013 • 14 min
On the Taxonomic Classification of minimalistici; by Athanasious Schadenpoodle; From Volume CLXIII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, October 2011 — To the toiler in the full-furrowed fields of taxonomy, there can be no surprise attendant upon the…
Términos Lingüísticos Autorreferentes
May 3, 2013 • 1 min
Términos Lingüísticos Autorreferentes; by T. B. Geller; From Volume CLXVII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, May 2013 — Términos Lingüísticos Autorreferentes / eɫe veɫar / elʲe palʲatalʲ / cponsonante cpoarticulada / consonantse apfricada … (Read by…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXIV
Apr 26, 2013 • 52 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXIV — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined yet again by Gabe Olsen. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics—with returning guest Jonathan Downie—the LingNerds discuss the unreasonable prestigiousness of mathematics, and…
Review of Crystal Gayle’s “Dictionary of Essential Linguistics Vocabulary”
Apr 19, 2013 • 2 min
Review of Crystal Gayle’s “Dictionary of Essential Linguistics Vocabulary”; by Jean-Pierre LeBeau; From Volume I, Number 1, of Babel, March 1990 — Seldom does a field so young and controversy-fraught as modern linguistics benefit from disciplined research…
An Analysis of easy-Type Adjectives
Apr 5, 2013 • 4 min
An Analysis of easy-Type Adjectives; by A. Word; From Volume CLIII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2008 — In certain academic circles, there is a well-known category of adjectives, often referred to as easy-type adjectives. These include…
Saussure and Bloomfield: The Question of Influence
Mar 29, 2013 • 3 min
Saussure and Bloomfield: The Question of Influence; by Tim Pulju; From Volume I, Number 4 of Gaugauh Kamadugha, The Journal of the Linguistic Society of South-Central New Caledonia, August 1991 — One of the more vexed questions in modern linguistic…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXIII
Mar 22, 2013 • 29 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXIII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined again by Gabe Olsen, this time for the whole show. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics—with guest Jonathan Downie—the LingNerds discuss whether English is a Scandinavian…
Review of “Mathematical Games, Puzzles, and Fallacies” by Sydney Lamb
Mar 15, 2013 • 3 min
Review of “Mathematical Games, Puzzles, and Fallacies” by Sydney Lamb; by Henry Morgan; From Volume I, Number 4 of Gaugauh Kamadugha, The Journal of the Linguistic Society of South-Central New Caledonia, August 1991 — Review Article: Lamb, Sydney. 1977.…
The Linguist’s Self-Definer for Humanistic Greek and Latin Lingo
Mar 8, 2013 • 1 min
The Linguist’s Self-Definer for Humanistic Greek and Latin Lingo; by R.L. Rankin; From Lingua Pranca, June 1978 — vowol harmono / ümlaut / dithsimilation / to back formate / metasethis … (Read by Trey Jones.)
Review of Zhang, Jiannan, “The Relationships between Processes and Participants in Chinese: A Cognitive Approach”
Feb 15, 2013 • 2 min
Review of Zhang, Jiannan, “The Relationships between Processes and Participants in Chinese: A Cognitive Approach”; by Jan Vanderkeller; From Volume I, Number 3, of Better Words and Morphemes, The Journal of the Linguistic Society of South-Central New…
Review of Van Der Fort’s Guide to Field Linguistics
Feb 8, 2013 • 4 min
Review of Van Der Fort’s Guide to Field Linguistics; by Webley Louis Severson III; From Volume CLXI, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2011 — Van Der Fort’s Guide to Field Linguistics by J. S. S. van der Fort / Rating: ƛƛƛƛ / ƛƛƛƛ (Underlyingly…
Review Article: Carmichael, James Grant III. The Structure of Bee Communication.
Jan 25, 2013 • 2 min
Review Article: Carmichael, James Grant III. The Structure of Bee Communication.; by James Grant Carmichael III; From Volume I, Number 2, of World of Language, The Journal of the Linguistic Society of South-Central New Caledonia, February 1991 — Truly a…
Reply to Kathman (Letter to the Editor)
Jan 18, 2013 • 1 min
Reply to Kathman (Letter to the Editor); by William D. Pinkerton-Umlaut; From Volume XVI, Number 2, of Psammeticus Quarterly, February 1989 — Attn: Editors / I have never been so insulted as when I read Dave Kathman’s thoroughly unfounded attack on my…
Review of Pinkerton-Umlaut’s Back to Basics: The Real Truth About Language
Jan 18, 2013 • 2 min
Review of Pinkerton-Umlaut’s Back to Basics: The Real Truth About Language; by Dave Kathman; From Volume XVI, Number 1, of Psammeticus Quarterly, November 1988 — William D. Pinkerton-Umlaut: Back to Basics: The Real Truth About Language. Adelaide,…
Grey Duck or Goose?—Mapping variation in a children’s game in Minnesota
Jan 11, 2013 • 2 min
Grey Duck or Goose?—Mapping variation in a children’s game in Minnesota; by Sven Slater and Ollie Bickford; From Volume CLXIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2012 — Research Question / Last year, a new kid named Tyler P. joined our fourth…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXII
Jan 4, 2013 • 38 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined yet again by Sheri Wells-Jensen. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, they discuss whether linguists make grammaticality judgements like “normal people”, and confess more of…
Hymns for the Reverent Linguist
Dec 24, 2012 • 2 min
Hymns for the Reverent Linguist; from The Linguistick Hymnary (1845); From Volume CLXVI, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2012. — Great is Thy Faithfulness; Typology, Typology; The Linguist’s One Foundation; Joy to the Word. (Performed by Jay…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXI
Dec 6, 2012 • 38 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXI — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by returning guest Sheri Wells-Jensen for Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, and she sticks around for the rest of the show. They discuss the “reading level” of US Congressional…
A Preliminary Field Guide to Linguists, Part Two
Nov 25, 2012 • 5 min
A Preliminary Field Guide to Linguists, Part Two; by Athanasious Schadenpoodle; From Volume CL, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2005. — The previous installment, dealing with Neoplatonicus and Functionalisticus, comprised a brief discussion of…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XX
Nov 5, 2012 • 48 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XX — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined again by guest Madalena Cruz-Ferreira for Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics. They also discuss the spread of the -ome suffix and the biological approach to solving the riddle of the…
A Preliminary Field Guide to Linguists, Part One
Oct 25, 2012 • 9 min
A Preliminary Field Guide to Linguists, Part One; by Athanasious Schadenpoodle; From Volume CL, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2005. — While naturalists have long observed the behaviors of some of the better-known families within the Order…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XIX
Oct 5, 2012 • 42 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XIX — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by guest Madalena Cruz-Ferreira for Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics. They also discuss the fact that German speakers can’t say “squirrel” and whether “modulo” is the nerdiest…
Variation in the English Indefinite Article
Sep 15, 2012 • 6 min
Variation in the English Indefinite Article; by Tim Pulju; From Volume XVI, Number 4, of Psammeticus Quarterly, August 1989. — The problem of variation in the English indefinite article between the forms “a” and “an” has long vexed linguists. In his 1933…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XVIII
Sep 5, 2012 • 42 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XVIII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined again by guest Editor Emeritus Tim Pulju for Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics; and then he sticks around for the rest of the podcast, again. They also discuss otovermology and…
Hunting the Elusive Labio-Nasal
Aug 25, 2012 • 6 min
Hunting the Elusive Labio-Nasal; by Claude Searsplainpockets; From Volume CLI, No 3 of Speculative Grammarian, July 2006. — The now well-known clicks found in certain African languages must have come as quite a shock to the first European linguists who…
The Language of Prehistory
Aug 15, 2012 • 8 min
The Language of Prehistory; by Merritt Greenberg and Joseph Ruhlen; From Volume CLI, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, October 2006. — Sticks and stones may break my bones and words used to hurt a lot, too. (Read by Keith Slater.)
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XVII
Aug 5, 2012 • 41 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XVII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by guest Editor Emeritus Tim Pulju for Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics; and then he sticks around for the rest of the podcast. They also discuss aggressiveness in teenage girls…
Descriptivism X!
Jul 25, 2012 • 5 min
Descriptivism X!; by Ldaxin Kushtaka; From Volume CLX , Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, January 2011. — Most practicing linguists (and even many who have gotten pretty good at it) will declare a philosophical allegiance to descriptivism, while…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XVI
Jul 15, 2012 • 39 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XVI — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined again by guest Scott Yarborough for some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics. They also discuss doing NLP “from scratch” and automated news story writing, as well as exploring a number…
Noam Chomsky’s Syntactic Structures (Review)
Jul 5, 2012 • 1 min
Noam Chomsky’s Syntactic Structures (Review); by Robert E. Lee; From Volume XVI, Number 3 of Psammeticus Quarterly, May 1989. — This slim volume, first published in 1957 and occasionally reprinted since then, has attracted surprisingly little attention in…
Book Review: Point’s A Grammar of the Lederhosen Tai
Jul 5, 2012 • 3 min
Book Review: Point’s A Grammar of the Lederhosen Tai; by Enrich Barbarosa del la Boca, Ph.D; From Volume CLII, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, January 2007. — After her landmark lexical study of the Frog-eating Aika in 1999, this year Point has given…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XV
Jun 26, 2012 • 45 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XV — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by guest Scott Yarborough for some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics. They also discuss bio- and linguistic diversity, the likability of simple names, and give high-quality sample…
Review of Pulju’s An Optimality-Theoretic Account of the History of Linguistics: Past, Present, Future
Jun 15, 2012 • 6 min
Review of Pulju’s An Optimality-Theoretic Account of the History of Linguistics: Past, Present, Future; by TJP, Lecturer in Linguistics and Classics, Dartmouth College; From Volume CLI, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, April 2006. — It is a great…
The Collected Wisdom of Linguists, Part Γ
Jun 15, 2012 • 2 min
The Collected Wisdom of Linguists, Part Γ; by The SpecGram Council of Sages; From Volume CLXIV, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, May 2012. — In this third of three installments, we share with you the proverbial wisdom of ancient sages of philology and…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XIV
Jun 5, 2012 • 36 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XIV — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined again by guest Gabe Olsen for some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics. They also discuss how our brains make other people less boring, the likability of left-handed- vs…
Is Translation Possible? The Answer Rhymes with Noh
May 20, 2012 • 4 min
Is Translation Possible? The Answer Rhymes with Noh; by Trent Slater; From Volume CLVIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, February 2010. — While translation studies continues to grow as a field, with benefits being felt not only in applied…
Reconstructed Proto-Franco-Sino-Indonesian: Eleven Examples
May 20, 2012 • 3 min
Reconstructed Proto-Franco-Sino-Indonesian: Eleven Examples; by Tim Pulju; From Volume XVI, Number 3, of Psammeticus Quarterly, May, 1989. — In 1986, I published in Psammeticus Quarterly (Vol. XII, No. 4) an article entitled “Similarities in Form and…
The Collected Wisdom of Linguists, Part Β
May 20, 2012 • 2 min
The Collected Wisdom of Linguists, Part Β; by The SpecGram Council of Sages; From Volume CLXIV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2012. — In this second of three installments, we share with you the proverbial wisdom of ancient sages of philology…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XIII
May 10, 2012 • 35 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XIII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by guest Gabe Olsen for some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics. They also discuss chimpanzee gestures and the shutter-upper gun, and indulge in more Prescriptivist Confessions.
The Collected Wisdom of Linguists, Part Α
Apr 27, 2012 • 2 min
The Collected Wisdom of Linguists, Part Α; by The SpecGram Council of Sages; From Volume CLXIV, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, February 2012. — In this first of three installments, we share with you the proverbial wisdom of ancient sages of…
Spaghetti or Lasagna for Linguists
Apr 27, 2012 • 4 min
Spaghetti or Lasagna for Linguists; by The LSA Committee on Comestibles in Linguistics; From Volume CLXIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2011. — In order to understand various types of linguists better, we conducted a controlled…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XII
Apr 7, 2012 • 30 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XII — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss goat and other mammalian accents, and liberal vs. conservative linguistics. They also investigate more Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics with repeat guest Sheri Wells-Jensen, and have…
Ph.D. Qualifying Examination for Linguistics (2009)
Mar 20, 2012 • 1 min
Ph.D. Qualifying Examination for Linguistics (2009); by Saudade Gezellig; From Collateral Descendant of Lingua Pranca, October 2009. — Historical & Comparative Linguistics … Computational Syntax … Sociolinguistic Semantics … Documentary Linguistics (Read…
Ph.D. Qualifying Examination for Linguistics (1978)
Mar 20, 2012 • 0 min
Ph.D. Qualifying Examination for Linguistics (1978); by Keith Mountford; From Lingua Pranca, June 1978. — Historical … Theoretical (Read by Trey Jones.)
Gavagai with Peppers
Mar 20, 2012 • 1 min
Gavagai with Peppers; by Rob van der Sandt; From Volume CL, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2005. — Many tasty gavagai recipes were brought from the jungle by linguists and missionaries in the first half of the 20th century. After the…
Language Acquisition Device Found
Mar 20, 2012 • 2 min
Language Acquisition Device Found; by R. Davis; From Volume CLI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2006. — At a recent press conference in Istanbul Prof. I. Jones, chief on-site archeologist at an excavation of an Upper Paleolithic site in…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XI
Mar 10, 2012 • 33 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XI — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss how vowels control your brain, and whether toddlers listen to themselves, or are just stupid. They also investigate more Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics with guest Sheri Wells-Jensen,…
Feature Girl Episode 1
Feb 20, 2012 • 4 min
Feature Girl Episode 1; by Friday Night Linguistics — Linguistic superhero Feature Girl enjoys a night out.
Speech Disorders as Indicators of Potential for Lyrical Success
Feb 20, 2012 • 3 min
Speech Disorders as Indicators of Potential for Lyrical Success; by Ozzie Tchomzkij; From Volume CLI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2006. — In recent decades, there has been a subtle shift in popular music, as the idea that the human voice…
Val Harmony
Feb 10, 2012 • 2 min
Val Harmony; by Edgar Allan Slater; From Volume XVI, Number 1 of Langue du Monde, The Journal of the Linguistic Society of South-Central New Caledonia, September 1991. — It was many and many a year ago, In a tower of ivory, That a maiden there lived who I…
The Phonetician’s Love Poem
Feb 10, 2012 • 0 min
The Phonetician’s Love Poem; by Epiphanios o Phantasiopliktos; From Volume CLXI, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, February 2011. — Sweet modulations of fundamental frequency / Air particles dancing to and fro (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
Love Queries of a Linguist
Feb 10, 2012 • 0 min
Love Queries of a Linguist; by John Miaou; From Volume CLVII, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, November 2009. — If I were a stop, would you be my explosion? If I were a nasal, would you be my syllabification? (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
My Love is Like a Colorless Green Simile
Feb 10, 2012 • 0 min
My Love is Like a Colorless Green Simile; by Rasmus Burns; From Volume CLXIV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2012. — O my love’s like a colorless green simile That’s newly sprung from your lips. (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Draw a Tree Diagram
Feb 10, 2012 • 1 min
How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Draw a Tree Diagram; by Alex Savoy; From Volume CLXI, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, March 2011. — How do I love thee? Let me draw a tree diagram— I was maundering, lonely as a bilabial trill, When I first heard your…
Stepfather Goose, or, Just Take a Gander
Jan 20, 2012 • 0 min
Stepfather Goose, or, Just Take a Gander; by U No Hu (alias Carleton T. Hodge) ; From Lingua Pranca, June 1978. — This little phone had high tone, This little phone had low, This little phone was nasalized, This little phone was not so, … (Read by Trey…
The Learner’s Task
Jan 20, 2012 • 1 min
The Learner’s Task; by K. Slater; From Volume I, Number 1 of Linguist of Fortune, The Journal of the Linguistic Society of South-Central New Caledonia, November 1990. — Some say it isn’t any fun to imitate another’s tongue; while idioms and turns of…
Gothic for Travellers
Jan 20, 2012 • 1 min
Gothic for Travellers; by A Judzis, the Visigoth; From Volume CXLVII, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, April 1993.. — Hints for the traveller: The Goths are a very friendly and gregarious people. They will be quick to invite you to their homes for…
The Linguistic Rapture
Jan 11, 2012 • 1 min
The Linguistic Rapture; by LaTim ElHaye and Leeeerooooy Jiŋkins; From Volume CLXI, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, February 2011. — We have been watching with interest the ongoing debate in Speculative Grammarian over the so-called “ultimate truth” of…
An Editorial Comment on ElHaye and Jiŋkins
Jan 11, 2012 • 1 min
An Editorial Comment on ElHaye and Jiŋkins; by Butch McBastard and Jonathan van der Meer; From Volume CLXI, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, February 2011. — We, too, have been “watching with interest” the “ongoing” cosmolinguological “debate” among…
The Linguistic Doomsday
Jan 11, 2012 • 1 min
The Linguistic Doomsday; by Dr. X. Nibiru; From Volume CLX, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, January 2011. — While the parallels between physics and linguistics, between the physical universe and the linguoverse, are useful as a metaphorical lens…
The Linguistic Singularity and the Linguistic Multiverse
Jan 11, 2012 • 3 min
The Linguistic Singularity and the Linguistic Multiverse; by Mikio Chachu; From Volume CLX, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, December 2010. — The tripe piles higher and deeper in the pages of SpecGram, a journal I once respected, as so-called…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. X
Dec 20, 2011 • 37 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. X — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss Danish and its vowels, and Proto-Ape-Wave. They also investigate more Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, and confess their prescriptive tendencies.
The Linguistic Big Bounce
Dec 11, 2011 • 2 min
The Linguistic Big Bounce; by Dyman Freeson; From Volume CLX, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, November 2010. — I have watched with horror over the last several issues as the wrong-headed, ill-conceived, tripe-laden discussion of the ultimate fate of…
The Linguistic Big Freeze
Dec 11, 2011 • 1 min
The Linguistic Big Freeze; by John Tipler and Frank J. Barrow; From Volume CLIX, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, September 2010. — It is with some disappointment that we feel obligated to submit this article to the previously respectable Speculative…
The Linguistic Big Rip
Dec 11, 2011 • 2 min
The Linguistic Big Rip; by Charlie Saygone; From Volume CLIX, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, July 2010. — In the June 2010 issue, Block claims that there is an impending “Linguistic Big Crunch.” I am appalled that SpecGram would allow such tripe to…
The Linguistic Big Crunch
Dec 11, 2011 • 3 min
The Linguistic Big Crunch; by M. Adam Block; From Volume CLIX, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, June 2010. — In my role as Physologist at the High-Energy Pronoun Accelerator, I have been charged with the complex task of determining the physical laws of…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. IX
Nov 20, 2011 • 27 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. IX — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss parrot naming practices and “discuss” the “loss” of “cursive” “handwriting”. They also investigate more Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, and Ask Mr Linguist about the legitimacy of the…
In space no one can hear you scream
Nov 10, 2011 • 0 min
In space no one can hear you scream; by Keith W. Slater; From Volume CXLVIII, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, February 1998. — I opened my ears and the stars came down / speakers of languages I once called exotic / but now call data (Read by Keith…
Je suis /hoze/
Nov 10, 2011 • 3 min
Je suis /hoze/; by Chesterton Wilburfors Gilchrist, Jr.; From Volume CLVII, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, August 2009. — Once again I am compelled to relate the tale of graduate students who have displayed shocking behaviour in the pursuit of…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. VIII
Oct 20, 2011 • 24 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. VIII — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss the “oldest” words in English and whether kids really are better than adults at learning languages. They also investigate more Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, and Ask Mr Linguist…
A New Mechanism For Contact-Induced Change
Oct 11, 2011 • 12 min
A New Mechanism For Contact-Induced Change; by H.D. Onesimus; From Volume CL, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, July 2005. — Modern contact linguistics has demonstrated an impressive ability to account for language change and the emergence of new…
Dissection
Sep 20, 2011 • 0 min
Dissection; by Bryan Allen; From Volume CL, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2005. — Dissection—extracted from the ether it lies… (Read by Bryan Allen.)
The Glottal Stop Word
Sep 20, 2011 • 3 min
The Glottal Stop Word; by So /ʔːː/ Confused; From Volume CLVIII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2010. — Dear Editors, I think I may have discovered an unexpected allomorph of the so-called “F-word”. I have a long-time friend—the sort with whom…
Veritas
Sep 10, 2011 • 0 min
Veritas; by Pocus Pisces; From Volume XVI, Number 4, of Psammeticus Quarterly, August 1989. — Linguistic thought’s been full of folks/ Who’ve known the psych-real rules;/ Each one is sure that he is right/ And all the others—fools! (Read by Keith Slater.)
How Computers Can Do Fieldwork For You: A Case Study
Sep 10, 2011 • 7 min
How Computers Can Do Fieldwork For You: A Case Study; by Chit Fullah; From Volume CLVIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2010. — So, as a very mature and worldly individual—I am 20 years old after all—I am continually surprised by the lack of…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. VII
Aug 19, 2011 • 32 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. VII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by surprise guest Comptroller General Joey Whitford for Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, discuss stubborn speakers of a dying language and robot conlangers, enjoy more Words of…
To the Field Workers, to Make Much of Time
Aug 10, 2011 • 0 min
To the Field Workers, to Make Much of Time; by Earl Herrick; From Volume XVI, Number 4, of Psammeticus Quarterly, August 1989. — Gather ye data while ye may,/ 
Old Time is still a-flying./ 
Informants that can speak today/ 
Tomorrow will be dying. (Read…
Linguistics Manifesto
Aug 10, 2011 • 4 min
Linguistics Manifesto; by Ling M. Anifesto; From Volume CLXI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2011. — Introduction to Linguistics Manifesto—There have been many linguistic manifestos over the course of the many centuries since man uttered his…
How to Pay for Linguistic Fieldwork
Aug 10, 2011 • 3 min
How to Pay for Linguistic Fieldwork; by The SpecGram Editorial Board; From Volume CLVIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2010. — The thing is is that fieldwork is expensive, and yet we have to somehow pay for it. Or we won’t get to do it. And…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. VI
Jul 20, 2011 • 29 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. VI — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by guest Devan Steiner for Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, discuss a Boston Accent Eradication Program and the suddenly uncertain future of the Oxford Comma, enjoy more Words of…
The Uncanny Science of Linguistic Reconstruction
Jul 10, 2011 • 18 min
Speculative Grammarian proudly re-presents “The Uncanny Science of Linguistic Reconstruction” by Timothy Pulju. Originally presented at TEDxDartmouth 2011. ©2011 TEDxDartmouth; licensed under the Creative Commons (CC BY-NC-ND 3.0).
Language Made Difficult, Vol. V
Jun 20, 2011 • 30 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. V — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss just how wrong Chomsky is and whether phoneme inventories shrink with distance form Africa, and investigate more Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics. We also enjoy more Words of Wisdom from…
The Joy of Old and Odd Books
Jun 10, 2011 • 2 min
The Joy of Old and Odd Books; A Letter from the Managing Editor; From Volume CLVIII, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, February 2010. — As I was perusing my signed 1355 first edition copy of Jötunn Svartálfar’s Teach Yourself Gothic in Six Score Minutes…
λ♥[love] (Linguistics Love Song)
Jun 4, 2011 • 3 min
λ♥[love] (Linguistics Love Song); by Christine Collins; From Volume CLXII, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, June 2011. — let me have your heart and i will give you love / the denotation of my soul is the above / if there’s anything i lack, it’s you /…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. IV
May 20, 2011 • 33 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. IV — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss the anatomical oddities of phoneticians, the fact that Big Brother may now be watching your every word, and more Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics. We also enjoy Words of Wisdom from Lady…
Video: Linguistic Stand-Up Comedy from Gabe Olsen
May 10, 2011 • 3 min
Linguistic Stand-Up Comedy from Gabe Olsen
Survey of Linguistic Evidence of Meta-Consciousness in Tier-19 Terran Primates
Apr 22, 2011 • 24 min
Survey of Linguistic Evidence of Meta-Consciousness in Tier-19 Terran Primates; by Cëŏjpruustcrêrt êe Âgriüsturttâiy Fuördrêostsklanöukklėû Růŕskramnnuũrgciwä and Ëø Daerl stiic Uasŝăź swerz Ê; From Volume CLV, Number ζ of Speculative Grammarian, January…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. III
Apr 15, 2011 • 29 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. III — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss linguistic “thought experiments”, physicists modelling bilingual societies, a letter from a young proto-linguist concerning the word “lukewarm”, and Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics.
The Other Sino-Tibetan Languages
Apr 10, 2011 • 3 min
The Other Sino-Tibetan Languages; Book Announcement from Psammeticus Press; From Volume CLII, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, March 2007. — This volume fills in the considerable gaps left by Routledge’s slim 2003 volume The Sino-Tibetan Languages.…
Doing Fieldwork on Constructed Languages
Apr 10, 2011 • 6 min
Doing Fieldwork on Constructed Languages; by Curtis U. Lehder; From Volume CLIX, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, May 2010. — As all linguists know, there are only about 6,000 languages left in the world today, and that number is shrinking rapidly.…
Language Made Difficult, Vol. II
Mar 20, 2011 • 28 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. II — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss mammal individuality and population size, architectural linguistics, a letter from a young proto-linguist concerning Urban Dictionary; and Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics.
Language Made Difficult, Vol. I
Mar 10, 2011 • 34 min
Language Made Difficult, Vol. I — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss the Sapir Worf Hypothesis; “New” vs “Nyoo”; and a letter from a young proto-linguist concerning IBM’s Watson on Jeopardy. Plus Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics.
Nursery Rhymes From Linguistics Land
Feb 20, 2011 • 3 min
Nursery Rhymes From Linguistics Land; by Yune O. Hūū, II; From Collateral Descendant of Lingua Pranca, October 2009. — Continuing in the great tradition of Stepfather Goose, the following nursery rhymes are presented to ensure their preservation for…
An Iñupik Linguistic Fragment (or, the Last Grammarian)
Feb 20, 2011 • 7 min
An Iñupik Linguistic Fragment (or, the Last Grammarian); by Metalleus; From Lingua Pranca, June 1978. — The following fragment was found in a shoe box at Indiana University. It was translated by Metalleus with the help of a Phi Beta Kappa key. The author…
Regular Isomorphisms of Categorization in the Apathetic Informant
Feb 10, 2011 • 8 min
Regular Isomorphisms of Categorization in the Apathetic Informant; by Angus Æ. Balderdash, Esq.; From Volume CXLIX, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2004. — Unfortunately, it is often the case that when working with data sets containing…
They Don’t Have a Word for It
Feb 10, 2011 • 1 min
They Don’t Have a Word for It; Book Announcement from Psammeticus Press; From Volume CLVII, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, December 2009. — With the inexplicable success of pseudo-lexicons such as Howard Rheingold’s 2000 “They Have a Word for It: A…
The Oxford Comma: A Solution
Jan 20, 2011 • 1 min
The Oxford Comma: A Solution; by Eliza Doolittle; From Volume CL, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2005. — The Oxford Comma has once again raised its nasty little head in linguistic circles, thanks largely to the efforts of one Ms Truss and her…
Twenty Special Forms of Rhetoric
Jan 20, 2011 • 5 min
Twenty Special Forms of Rhetoric; by Dawn B. Seely; From Volume CXLVII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, March 1993. — Rhetoric has been a topic of academic interest for, approximately, forever. Below are detailed a number of special types of…
Ready! Fire! Aim!—A New Approach to Military Combat Using Language Science
Jan 10, 2011 • 6 min
Ready! Fire! Aim!—A New Approach to Military Combat Using Language Science; by François Achille Bazaine; From Volume CLVIII, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, March 2010. — One of the aims of any branch of scientific inquiry is to improve the lives of…
An Introduction to Linguistics in Haiku Form
Jan 10, 2011 • 0 min
An Introduction to Linguistics in Haiku Form; by Anonymous; From Volume CLIX, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, September 2010. — linguistic theory / hidden representations / to surface structures (Read by Peter iVox.)
Towards a Perfect Definition of the Term “Sign”
Dec 20, 2010 • 3 min
Towards a Perfect Definition of the Term “Sign”; by Louis Capet; From Volume I, Number 3 of Better Words and Morphemes, The Journal of the Linguistic Society of South-Central New Caledonia, May 1991. — Saussure defined the sign as the union of the…
French Sues English
Dec 10, 2010 • 3 min
French Sues English; by SpecGram Wire Services; From Volume CLIX, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, June 2010. — The Académie Française filed a lawsuit today at the European Court of Language Slights in Brussels against the English language, claiming…
The Linguistics Wars
Nov 15, 2010 • 10 min
The Linguistics Wars; by Dæriam Landec, Ph.D., l’École de SpecGram, Istanbul; From Volume CLI, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, January 2006. — As is widely known—though not exhaustively covered in the linguistic, academic, or mainstream press—an…
The Encyclopedia of Mytholingual Creatures, Places, and Things—Part II
Oct 15, 2010 • 4 min
The Encyclopedia of Mytholingual Creatures, Places, and Things—Part II; by Jʚsɘph Cɑɱpbɛɬɭ; From Volume CLIX, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, July 2010. — Noams: Small, wizened, earth-dwelling mytholingual creatures of Europe and North America.…
The Encyclopedia of Mytholingual Creatures, Places, and Things—Part I
Sep 15, 2010 • 5 min
The Encyclopedia of Mytholingual Creatures, Places, and Things—Part I; by Jʚsɘph Cɑɱpbɛɬɭ; From Volume CLIX, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, June 2010. — Abominable Synonym: A mytholingual creature of Nepal and Tibet that causes speakers within the…
Phonological Theory and Language Acquisition
Aug 15, 2010 • 2 min
Phonological Theory and Language Acquisition; by Notker Balbulus, Monastery of St. Gall; From Volume CXLVIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, January 1998. — Gildea has argued that modern phonological theorizing suffers from a tendency toward over…
Morphemes: A New Threat to Society
Jul 15, 2010 • 2 min
Morphemes: A New Threat to Society; by Susan Wishnetsky; From Lingua Pranca, June 1978. — This leaflet was produced by the Council On Morpheme Abuse (COMA) to increase public awareness of the most recent health hazards. (Read by Trey Jones.)
How to Do Fieldwork on Proto-Indo-European
Jun 15, 2010 • 0 min
How to Do Fieldwork on Proto-Indo-European; by Tim Pulju, Dartmouth College; From Volume CLVIII, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, April 2010 (Read by David J. Peterson.)
New speech disorder linguists contracted discovered!
Jun 15, 2010 • 0 min
New speech disorder linguists contracted discovered!; by Yreka Bakery, Egello College; From Volume CLI, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, April 2006. — An apparently new speech disorder a linguistics department our correspondent visited was affected by…
Subliminal Linguistics
Jun 15, 2010 • 1 min
Subliminal Linguistics; By Trey Jones, at Rice University; From Volume CXLVII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, February 1993. — The new field of subliminal linguistics questions whether or not it is possible that there are clues available to children…
What is Linguistics Good For, Anyway?
May 16, 2010 • 6 min
What is Linguistics Good For, Anyway?; An Advice Column by Jonathan “Crazy Ivan” van der Meer; From Volume CLV, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, February 2009. — The most commonly asked question of a linguist, when one’s secret is revealed, is (all…
The Braille Song
Apr 15, 2010 • 3 min
The Braille Song; by Innocuous Mustard; Music and Lyrics by Sheri Wells-Jensen, Sam Herrington, and Jason Wells-Jensen; From Volume CLVIII, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, January 2010. — You can read it in the sunshine, / Standin’ in the lunch line,…
The Boustrophedon-Plummerfeld Hypothesis and Futurological Linguistics
Mar 15, 2010 • 5 min
The Boustrophedon-Plummerfeld Hypothesis and Futurological Linguistics; by Jay Trones, of the Futurological Linguistics Association, Rice University; From Volume CXLVII, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, February 1993. — Recently I found myself…
The Tribesman
Feb 15, 2010 • 4 min
The Tribesman; by Aya Katz & Leslie Fish; From Volume CXLVII, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, January 1993 —— Once a fieldworker hiked into unknown terrain, / Seeking someone to question, he came. / When he asked of the natives what language they…
A 21st Century Proposal for English Spelling Reform
Jan 15, 2010 • 7 min
A 21st Century Proposal for English Spelling Reform; by H. Sanderson Chambers III; From Volume CXLIX, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, January 2004. — As is well-known to all educated people—and if it’s not well-known to you, then you’re not one of…
Reanalysis of Spanish by Naïve Linguists
Dec 15, 2009 • 4 min
Reanalysis of Spanish by Naïve Linguists; by Chesterton Wilburfors Gilchrist, Jr.; From Volume CLV, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, September 2008. — While sitting in the Linguistics Lounge the other day, I overheard some first-year grad students…
Nasal-Ingressive Voiceless Velar Trill (Letters to the Editor)
Dec 1, 2009 • 1 min
Letters to the Editor; From Volume CLI, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, July 2006. — To the most respected editors, In the fall I’ll be a first-year grad student in linguistics at R—— University. A couple of the current fourth-years told me that the…
Where No Researcher Should Tread
Dec 1, 2009 • 7 min
Where No Researcher Should Tread; By Cowell R. Augh, Ph.D.; From Volume CLVI, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, May 2009. — We, the linguistic community at large, owe a great deal of thanks to our esteemed colleague Quentin Popinjay Snodgrass for…
The Effect of Coffee Consumption on Adults’ Average MLU
Dec 1, 2009 • 3 min
The Effect of Coffee Consumption on Adults’ Average MLU at the Breakfast Table; By Suzy X.; From Volume XVI, Number 3 of Psammeticus Quarterly, May 1989. — Dear Sirs: When Mommy fell asleep at the computer during her third straight all-nighter and…