Impolite Company

Impolite Company

anchor.fm/impolite-company
Comedian Chris Cyr brings his brand of targeted hedonism to you on a semi-regular basis. Monologues, diatribes, and conversations about everything from coffee to the increasing likelihood that we’re all living in the fever dream of a dying DMT user, no topic is off limits. #NoGodsNoMasters Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/impolite-company/support


They Call Me The Working Man
Sep 11 • 47 min
Season 3 starts with host Chris Cyr on the road in Little Rock, AR. Recorded over Labor Day Weekend, Chris recounts his very first job. Then he reminisces about a few jobs where he was definitely not a model employee. St. Augustine hated babies. Check out…
Two Street Jokes
Aug 2 • 29 min
Chris is on the road today, so there’s not a regular episode. He did fire up the ol’ remote studio (a.k.a. The Samsung Galaxy S 8) and give you his two favorite street jokes in observance of Comedy Contest Season! Also, most of America needs to learn how…
New Year’s Summer Day
Jun 19 • 53 min
Chris makes the case for moving New Year’s Day to the summer. He rants about a lot of stuff. The late night crowd at his show this weekend hated him, which was awesome. One more call for a revolution. —- Support this podcast:…
L’il Wu Tang Clan
May 29 • 52 min
Chris gives away three million dollar ideas on today’s episode. The best of which is a new children’s series featuring the remaining members of the Wu Tang Clan. He recounts his memorial day weekend, and complains about a car that needs to be retired.…
Hugh Jackman’s Claws Are Real
May 15 • 55 min
Chris discusses Game of Thrones, insomnia, conspiracies, LSD, and good Christian values. Impolite Company is here to remind you, #NoGodsNoMasters —- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/impolite-company/support
Your Mom’s Really Into Sepultura
May 8 • 44 min
Back from his trip to New York, Chris catches up with the audience, discusses NYC, Game of Thrones, Avengers, Illinois’s recreational marijuana effort, and wants to know “Are we recording?” Welcome to Impolite Company! —- Support this podcast:…
No One Is Ready
Apr 16 • 52 min
Chris wonders if he’s ready to start the show. He can’t work the coffeemaker in the studio. He delivers a special pep talk for you about accomplishing your dreams. RIP Notre Dame cathedral. It’s #NoGodsNoMastersNoChurches on today’s Impolite Company! —-…
Bird Wars
Apr 9 • 52 min
Chris is under siege from a pigeon who’s nesting on his front porch. Will he survive this aggression? Who knows? Exploding soup cans, weird house selling superstitions, and other topics all get blown off so he can spend more time on the bird. Listen to…
Singing in the Reign of Blood
Apr 4 • 54 min
Chris sings most of today’s episode. We don’t mean that he sings on today’s show, we mean he SINGS THE DAMN SHOW. He assures us there were no drugs involved. Most of the show involves, Joe Biden, and how “Biden: The Musical” is not going to be made. He…
The Bustelo Missile Crisis
Mar 28 • 55 min
Do you have a “Go Bag?” What is the weird thing people are going to find when you die, a coffee can full of your fingernail clippings? R.I.P. coffee cans, in this age of plastic. Donald trump has an army of meth heads to protect him if he loses the next…
So I Bought A Hand Pie
Mar 26 • 36 min
It’s an abbreviated show today since Chris overslept. But, it’s a perfect time to let you know about the recent change at Chris’s local doughnut shop. The Mueller report is completed, and even though no one’s read it, everyone’s sure it supports their…
Boycott Fish Fries
Mar 21 • 57 min
Chris Cyr wonders why liberals are starting to eat at ChicFillA again. For that matter, why are they spending money on fish fries at churches across the country? Also, a completely made up survey about the end of the world. —- Support this podcast:…
You Have To Turn The Box On
Mar 19 • 51 min
Did you know that public transportation runs late as part of an organized conspiracy to increase the rate of fatal pneumonia in poor people? We did. Chris Cyr informs you on today’s Impolite Company! —- Support this podcast:…
Tweeting From the End of the World
Mar 14 • 54 min
Chris describes his experience with a sensory deprivation tank, wonders why his bank doesn’t accept cash half the time, Panda Express people are loud, and how did we survive Facebook being down? Get on Twitter and Get Ready for Today’s Impolite Company!…
Money Laundering and Blood Alley
Mar 12 • 53 min
It’s a new studio. New equipment. Same Chris. Chris gives a solution for the emerging marijuana dispensary industry, where banks are reluctant to open accounts for the new business. Chris tells you the basics of money laundering. The real purpose of the…
John Wayne and Dick Pics
Feb 20 • 50 min
All we’re saying is that if you’re a dude and your buddy says “Hey, check this out!” you let him send you a pic. Also, who, other than everyone, John Wayne was a racist homophobe? Toilet bowls full of foam. Snowstorms that may or may not come. And of…
Valentine’s Day Massacre
Feb 14 • 44 min
Happy Valentine’s Day from Impolite Company. —- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/impolite-company/support
Process Improvement for Cannibals
Feb 12 • 40 min
Yeah, we don’t even know where to begin. A recent gig in rural Illinois has Chris concerned about vampires and cannibals. He has tips for both. It’s a weird episode of Impolite Company! —- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/impolite-company/support
I Was Basically Oliver Twist
Feb 9 • 47 min
Chris is certain he’s a city kid through and through. He recounts a time his car was broken into and reveals that he’s much more efficient at breaking into cars, but doesn’t explain how he knows that. Also, doughnuts. It’s a deep dive on today’s Impolite…
Secrets, Lies, and Oprah
Feb 6 • 45 min
We’re not sure if Chris is ranting about Donald Trump and keeps getting distracted by Liam Neeson, or if he’s ranting about Liam Neeson and keeps getting distracted by Donald Trump. But, we can all agree that it’d have been a different week if Liam had…
Saturday Mornings Were Better In The 80s
Feb 1 • 45 min
It’s been a year! Chris discusses personal and creative growth, and tells a few jokes he wrote in his first year of comedy. The new DCU shows are fun. Also, if you purposefully use the wrong pronoun to address a person, you’re an a-hole. That’s a pretty…
The Art of the Deal
Jan 27 • 46 min
The government shut down is over and Chris wonders if this is the type of negotiating we can expect from the POTUS when he protects US interests with North Korea. Also, don’t use duct tape for sex play, addresses the “why are you politicial?” question,…
Jesus Just Left Chicago
Jan 24 • 54 min
Warning: Today’s episode was recorded in the car, on the highway, Tuesday night. We meant to post it late that night, but time, man…time. Chris cusses too much and apologizes for it. He discusses current events ranging from bratty white kids in red hats…
Cheeseburger in Paradise
Jan 15 • 48 min
A veritable buffet of American exceptionalism was bestowed upon the Clemson Tigers yesterday. Let’s talk about it. Also, it snowed in St. Louis. Need learn furniture? —- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/impolite-company/support
The Plural of Moose is Moose
Jan 9 • 49 min
Chris lists a number of things you could have done last night instead of watching Donald Trump’s speech. It’s a long list. The plural of “moose” is “moose.” Right? The Chrysler Building is for sale. —- Support this podcast:…
Till the Wheels Fall Off
Jan 8 • 46 min
Chris spends a lot of time talking about flat tires, which somehow still brings up the subjects of donuts. Do people pick up escorts at the front door? Does the government shutdown mean we can act crazy on mass transit now? And it’s interesting that Trump…
Space Birthdays Are Going To Be Sad
Jan 3 • 48 min
Chris discusses the news that the Chinese government launched a lunar rover on the far side of the Earth’s moon. Completely ignoring recent achievements by the U.S. space program, Chris angrily screams into the abyss about why we don’t have an Auntie…
June 21 is the New January 1
Jan 2 • 46 min
It’s a new year, but what does that really mean? How we measure time is a construct created by men who wanted a way to chart their moment by moment progress towards their graves. Also, don’t hijack trains. We swear it all ties together, maybe. Enjoy…
I Don’t Know It’s Christmas
Dec 18, 2018 • 47 min
Chris bemoans the fact that it doesn’t feel like Christmas, gives advice to long haul drivers tempted to buy imitation amphetamines, makes a suggestion about international nuclear proliferation that may be illegal, and more! —- Support this podcast:…
Be An Axe Murderer For Good
Dec 11, 2018 • 48 min
Chris gives you advice for your annual performance review, surviving toxic holiday culture in your corporate job, and if you’re going to be an axe murderer, choose your victims wisely. Die Hard is a Christmas Movie. —- Support this podcast:…
The Clanger!
Dec 4, 2018 • 42 min
Chris can’t handle the Salvation Army bell ringers who block the ingress to every retail establishment he wants to go to this time of year. He spends a good part of the episode airing his grievances. George H.W. Bush died this week. The general feeling…
The Truth About Rudolph
Nov 29, 2018 • 48 min
Chris gives a different take on Christmas classics like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and How The Grinch Stole Christmas. He also made the mistake of listening to Christmas music on the way into the studio this morning. —- Support…
Broke Wednesday
Nov 28, 2018 • 48 min
Chris knows he needs a commercial, but isn’t sure about what format to use. He makes sure you know how to celebrate the first Wednesday after Thanksgiving, more commonly known as Broke Wednesday. Chris also worries that he may get food poisoning. —-…
The Unavoidable Problem of Pie
Nov 27, 2018 • 47 min
Chris discusses the unavoidable problem of pie, the lessons of Creed 2, Christmas Trees, and kids. Get back into the swing of things with today’s Impolite Company. —- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/impolite-company/support
Thanksgiving
Nov 23, 2018 • 52 min
Exclusively for the internet, Chris hides in a bathroom and record and records a special episode for the Thanksgiving holiday. Don’t play Hallelujah on bar jukeboxes. What are you thankful for? Pie! And a lost tribe knows how to handle Jehovah’s…
What In The Hell Is Wrong With You, Missouri?
Nov 8, 2018 • 47 min
Cold bubbly water poured into your crotch will wake you up quite well. Chris shares this and other secrets. He also wants to know, what the hell is wrong with you, Missouri? —- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/impolite-company/support
Yolonda MizzUnderstood Brown
Nov 7, 2018 • 51 min
Sam kills Chris again, and takes over the show. Yolanda MizzUnderstood Brown (yes, say the whole thing) joins him to talk Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, and cuffing season. Catch her being sued by her son on Judge Mathis Thursday at 3pm on ABC. —- Support…
F**king Vote
Nov 6, 2018 • 47 min
Chris has election advice for Missouri voters. Mostly, that advice is to not let Josh Hawley make it to the U.S. Senate. Seriously, Josh Hawley looks like he’d fuck cancer victims, in every sense of the word. Don’t vote for him. Seriously. Don’t fucking…
The Lost Episode (The Last Drunk)
Nov 4, 2018 • 52 min
One night in August, Chris went to a party. The party kept going until it night became morning. The show doesn’t stop just because of whiskey. This is a cautionary tale. If you consume too much of the devil’s party water, you’re going to say some…
Woke Bingo and Other Halloween Recaps
Nov 1, 2018 • 54 min
Chris is doped up on cold medicine and can’t be held responsible for how tired he sounds, or anything he says. He’s taken so much cold medicine, that he can’t remember what he talked about as he writes this description two days late. He thinks he said, “I…
Halloween!
Oct 31, 2018 • 48 min
It’s Halloween! Draw your pentagrams, like your black candles, put on your robes, and place an Almond Joy in the center of the summoning circle for our Dark Lord to snack on after he appears. Chris has thoughts on this day. Let’s see if he survives this…
No, You Can’t Have A Pet Pikachu
Oct 30, 2018 • 49 min
Chris discusses why drunk people shouldn’t talk to the musician on stage. There’s a discussion about weddings, why the government won’t let you have a pokemon, and other topics. It’s a fun ride on today’s Impolite Company. —- Support this podcast:…
You Can Hurt Trump, But Don’t Touch DeNiro
Oct 25, 2018 • 49 min
Yesterday, a bunch of suspicious packages were mailed to the offices of various people and institutions referred to as “enemies of the people” and other insults by the President of the United States. That was bad. Today one of those packages was received…
Did Not Win The Lottery
Oct 24, 2018 • 49 min
Chris did not win the big ass lottery drawing last night. He didn’t even buy a ticket. But he has a plan to get rich anyway. Unrelated fact: Did you know that it’s practically impossible to prosecute 100 people for the same murder? Other unrelated fact:…
I Ain’t Afraid Of No Ghost
Oct 23, 2018 • 46 min
Chris talks about horror movies and relates them to the real world. The kind of people who live in Newtown, would definitely build their homes on a cursed cemetery. Possessed children just need to be punched in the face. Send Seal Team 6 after Michael…
Let Eli Roth Teach Your Kids
Oct 17, 2018 • 47 min
On today’s Impolite Company, Chris discusses his disappointment in finding a seed in a Clementine this morning. He also thinks your kids would learn more from watching The Devil’s Rejects than they’ll learn from Chronicles of Narnia. Did your kid go Eli…
Lee Greenwood is a Chump
Oct 16, 2018 • 47 min
Proud To Be An American is a terrible song. It’s even worse when sung by drunk white people at a karaoke bar. Lee Greenwood is a chump. It’s impolite Company with Chris Cyr. —- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/impolite-company/support
Frack Branson
Oct 11, 2018 • 47 min
Chris doesn’t think Branson needs state money to promote tourism. The governor needs to up his grammar game. Are we done with problematic material in general? Free speech is boring. —- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/impolite-company/support
Lance Has Seen A Ghost (w/Lance Cain)
Oct 10, 2018 • 55 min
Today’s guest on Impolite Company is St. Louis comic, Lance Cane. Chris and Lance talk about comedy, playing in a band, and other topics. Lance has seen a ghost. —- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/impolite-company/support
Donut Get It Twisted
Oct 9, 2018 • 50 min
Enough about bagels. Chris helps you choose the right donut order and tells you what your donut choices say about you. The jackbooted thugs of the New World Order make an appearance. Enjoy today’s Impolite Company! —- Support this podcast:…
Photography is Lies (w/ Susan Bennet)
Oct 4, 2018 • 55 min
Chris sits down with Susan Bennet, the photographer entrusted with making him look damned good in all of his headshots. They discuss selfies, photography as an art, why you are NOT a photographer regardless of your IG followers, and other topics. Check…
Disappointingly Not The Anti-Christ
Oct 2, 2018 • 47 min
It’s October! Chris is going to talk about horror movies. Today, he talks more about the time he was convinced he was the anti-Christ after his dad let him watch The Omen. Brett Kavanaugh is a (our legal department demands we add the word “probably” here)…
The Mexico Tapes, Pt. 4
Aug 27, 2018 • 57 min
It’s the final night of his vacation and instead of finishing his packing, Chris is recording an episode for you. That’s how much he loves you. Don’t you ever question it. Chris addresses concerns people express over the dangerous nature of Mexico, the…
The Mexico Tapes, Pt. 3
Aug 23, 2018 • 55 min
Still on the roof of his AirBnB in San Miguel de Allende, Chris dispatches another episode from his Mexican adventure. He talks about PETA’s approach to Animal Crackers, Verizon’s culpability in the deaths of people during emergencies, Olive Garden,…
The Mexico Tapes, Pt. 2
Aug 22, 2018 • 57 min
Chris is sitting on the roof of his Air BnB in San Miguel de Allende recording today’s episode. He’ obsessed with the Jacuzzi tub on this roof, and wonders if that’s enough to keep him from returning to St. Louis. He discusses the proper way to help…
Viva Mexico
Aug 21, 2018 • 54 min
Chris checks in from vacation, now that he isn’t at the mercy of Verizon’s data plan for uploading content. He talks about Anthony Bourdain, the need for most Americans to get out of their comfort zone, food poisoning, what might possibly be credit fraud…
Breakfast at Shoney’s (W/ Susan Bennet and Jamie Krock)
Jun 26, 2018 • 51 min
Saturday morning, Chris woke up with a craving for French toast sticks. So clearly, the only solution was to call up Bare Knuckle Comedy writer, Jamie Krock and Susan Bennet of Ooh St. Lou Studios, pile in the car, and drive three hours to Henderson,…
The McDonald’s Lady
Jun 11, 2018 • 52 min
Chris wonders why the woman at McDonald’s quit mid-order. Listeners give some of their worst work experiences. —- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/impolite-company/support
Summer’s Here
Jun 6, 2018 • 51 min
For a lot of kids, school’s out for the summer. Chris remembers the last day of school, getting your yearbook signed, fighting in the streets, swimming pools… It’s your basic summer vacation themed coming of age film. Also, disease vectors. —- Support…