Monster in My Podcast

Monster in My Podcast
A thrice-weekly comedy podcast about the 2nd edition D&D Monstrous Manual.
231: Slaad
Oct 20 • 5 min
Slaad to the bone. Sl-sl-sl-sl-sl-sl-slaad.
230: Sirine
Oct 18 • 5 min
We heard a Sirine go.
229: Shedu
Oct 16 • 4 min
The Shedu is here to respectfully party.
228: Shadow
Oct 13 • 5 min
Listen in for confusion about what shadows actually are. Not the monsters, just… the optical phenomenon.
227: Selkie
Oct 11 • 5 min
All the grace, beauty, and majesty of sea doofuses.
226: Sea Lion
Oct 9 • 6 min
Not the kind you're picturing.
225: Scorpion
Oct 6 • 8 min
God's perfect assassin.
224: Satyr
Oct 4 • 8 min
TAF: Tumnus As Fuck.
223: Sahuagin
Oct 2 • 6 min
Nice try, attempting to get more orcs past us.
222: Rust Monster
Sep 29 • 4 min
A classic and a cutie.
221: Roper
Sep 27 • 5 min
Angry slimer reaches out for some human contact.
220: Roc
Sep 25 • 5 min
The big bird swooped up an elephant snack.
219: Revenant
Sep 22 • 5 min
When unfinished business becomes personal.
218: Remorhaz
Sep 20 • 9 min
Raise your hand if Final Fantasy made you think these were water monsters.
217: Rat
Sep 18 • 4 min
A basement for novices.
216: Rakshasa
Sep 15 • 3 min
Cat people run, run like the wind. Cat people screw, screw like the wind.
215: Quaggoth
Sep 13 • 3 min
Underdark yetis with mysterious pasts.
214: Pudding
Sep 11 • 4 min
Hey buddy, how'd you get out of Slime Week?
213: Greenhouse of Terror (Part 3)
Sep 8 • 5 min
Plant week concludes with a classic: the Shambling Mound.
212: Greenhouse of Terror (Part 2)
Sep 6 • 7 min
Plant week continues with some smart, smart plants.
211: Greenhouse of Terror (Part 1)
Sep 4 • 8 min
Plant week begins with some dangerous, dangerous plants.
210: Poltergeist
Sep 1 • 4 min
It's time for Jerks in (Ethereal) Space!
209: Piercer
Aug 30 • 4 min
You only get one shot.
208: Phoenix
Aug 28 • 9 min
Arizona Travel Guide 2017.
207: Phantom
Aug 25 • 4 min
Someone left a trap in the monster pile.
206: Peryton
Aug 23 • 5 min
We spend 90% of the episode trying to figure out how to pronounce "Borges".
205: Pegasus
Aug 21 • 8 min
Spread your wings and learn to fly.
204: Owlbear
Aug 18 • 5 min
It's featherier than the av-er-age bear!
203: Otyugh
Aug 16 • 5 min
Come and pitch a tentacle.
202: Orc
Aug 14 • 4 min
Welcome to the Monstrous Manual's original sin.
201: The Secret of the Ooze (Part 3)
Aug 11 • 7 min
All good things must come to an end, and seep out into a culvert or sluice.
200: The Secret of the Ooze (Part 2)
Aug 9 • 7 min
Ooze week continues, as slime time resumes.
199: The Secret of the Ooze (Part 1)
Aug 7 • 9 min
Don't let these gooey boys slip through your fingers!
198: Ogre, Half
Aug 4 • 4 min
Kinda big, a little hair, not as dumb.
197: Ogre
Aug 2 • 5 min
Big, hairy, dumb.
196: Octopus, Giant
Jul 31 • 7 min
We go to bat for an oft-maligned slimy genius of the sea.
195: Nymph
Jul 28 • 5 min
Break beauty down to its component parts, for profit.
194: Nightmare
Jul 26 • 5 min
Emerge from the pile, young steed.
193: Neogi
Jul 24 • 7 min
Don't stand still long enough for them to make you a baby bag.
192: Naga, Dark
Jul 21 • 9 min
Snake men with agency and spells.
191: Naga
Jul 19 • 4 min
One night I had the weirdest dream where I walked into a cave, and I saw a snake with a human head wearing a vest, rolling a donut.
190: Myconid (Fungus Man)
Jul 17 • 6 min
Big tasty doofuses on the march.
189: Mummy, Greater
Jul 14 • 8 min
A lich by any other name still smells as sweet.
188: Mummy
Jul 12 • 8 min
Revenge of the dry cloth zombies.
187: Mudman
Jul 10 • 5 min
Saddle up for some trouble in the puddle.
186: Muckdweller
Jul 7 • 5 min
Here's our little muddy friend, walking through the forest. Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, golly, what a day
185: Morkoth
Jul 5 • 3 min
Gary named this file "Wet Orcs" when he edited it, and that just about sums it up.
184: Mongrelman
Jul 3 • 4 min
It's as uncomfortable to type as it is to say.
183: Beholderfest 2017 (Part 6)
Jun 30 • 12 min
This year's Beholderfest ends with a discussion of Beholder toys and homes.
182: Beholderfest 2017 (Part 5)
Jun 28 • 12 min
Milord Wizard answers all of our most pressing questions about Beholders.
181: Beholderfest 2017 (Part 4)
Jun 26 • 9 min
What makes a Beholder tick? What do they do for fun? Let's find out.
180: Beholderfest 2017 (Part 3)
Jun 23 • 11 min
What can a Beholder do? Let's find out in the Powers section of "I, Tyrant".
179: Beholderfest 2017 (Part 2)
Jun 21 • 5 min
Our look at "I, Tyrant" continues as we gaze upon Beholder history and myth.
178: Beholderfest 2017 (Part 1)
Jun 19 • 24 min
The tradition continues! Listen for our first dive into the Monstrous Arcana book "I, Tyrant", covering some Beholder Basics.
177: Mold Man (Vegepygmy)
Jun 16 • 3 min
Vegepygmy isn't the preferred nomenclature.
176: Mold
Jun 14 • 7 min
It's the things from real life that are scariest.
175: Mist, Vampiric
Jun 12 • 5 min
See also: Crimson Death Mist.
174: Mist, Crimson Death
Jun 9 • 5 min
See also: Vampiric Mist.
173: Minotaur
Jun 7 • 5 min
Probably the strongest single-issue voter in the book, if we had to guess.
172: Mind Flayer (Illithid)
Jun 5 • 7 min
No running around the brain pool!
171: Mimic
Jun 2 • 8 min
This is the entry that made us want to do this show.
170: Merman
May 31 • 5 min
When will someone think of the merMEN!?!?
169: Maedar Medusa
May 29 • 7 min
When I'm old and crazy, shove me in a pommel.
168: Medusa
May 26 • 6 min
Somehow these are way cooler than they have any right to be?
167: Manticore
May 24 • 4 min
(In a full grown man's voice) Daddy, daddy, bring me a boy.
166: Manscorpion
May 22 • 5 min
This entry hits the Tark mark.
165: Mammal, Small
May 19 • 7 min
This one goes out to the little guys.
164: Mammal, Herd
May 17 • 3 min
Let's ruminate about ruminants.
163: Mammal
May 15 • 5 min
I'm led to believe that an outfit called the "Blood Hound Gang" has conceived of a theorem for determining the behavior of two mammalian entities.
162: Lycanthrope, Werewolf
May 12 • 4 min
We finish out lycanthrope fortnight with the big kahuna himself.
161: Lycanthrope, Wereraven and Weretiger
May 10 • 8 min
Kole almost falls into a trap of being super predictable. Then he falls into it.
160: Lycanthrope, Werefox and Wererat
May 8 • 7 min
Whoever wrote this has some strange ideas about women and race.
159: Lycanthrope, Werebear and Wereboar
May 5 • 7 min
Two woodland buddies, just partying in the forest.
158: Lycanthrope, Seawolf and Werebat
May 3 • 8 min
It's always fun when the author of the Monstrous Manual is clearly writing about someone he knows.
157: Lycanthrope, General
May 1 • 8 min
Lycanthrope fortnight begins with a whimper, appropriately enough (because of dogs, you see).
156: Lurker
Apr 28 • 6 min
Don't look down. Or up!
155: Locathah
Apr 26 • 4 min
Please write in and tell us if you have ever, ever, run an underwater campaign. We don't think it's ever happened.
154: Lizard / Lizard Man
Apr 24 • 10 min
The parade of uninspired demihumans continues!
153: Living Wall
Apr 21 • 6 min
Join us. Join us. Join us.
152: Demilich
Apr 19 • 5 min
The creature so cool that we rescued it from the indignity of being a footnote.
151: Lich
Apr 17 • 7 min
The best week of the show (outside of Beholderfest) begins with getting Lich, and dying trying.
150: Leucrotta
Apr 14 • 5 min
Add human teeth to any animal to make it instantly 100x more vile.
149: Leprechaun
Apr 12 • 6 min
Imagine the hills lighting up as the eyes of thousands of tiny wish men open their eyes and train them on you.
148: Leech
Apr 10 • 7 min
The ruined Resident Evil 0, and now they're coming for your throat meat.
147: Lammasu
Apr 7 • 5 min
The angriest lion dad.
146: Lamia
Apr 5 • 5 min
This visiting noble sure loves eating viscera.
145: Kuo-Toa
Apr 3 • 5 min
Dime store Deep Ones.
144: Kobold
Mar 31 • 6 min
A classic that goes down smooth, candle and all.
143: Kirre
Mar 29 • 4 min
What has fur and eight legs? A tarantula, you dolt.
142: Ki-rin
Mar 27 • 6 min
A smug merry-go-round cast off dispenses horchata into a kiddie pool.
141: Kenku
Mar 24 • 6 min
Mischief birds tear up your tires and siding.
140: Jackalwere
Mar 22 • 3 min
A misplaced lycanthrope presages a rough month of episodes coming up.
139: Ixixachitl
Mar 20 • 5 min
I'll have you know this is the best blurb that I can write.
138: Invisible Stalker
Mar 17 • 5 min
This space intentionally left blank.
137: Intellect Devourer
Mar 15 • 4 min
Literally the first thing that comes to mind when someone says "draw me a psionic monster."
136: Insect Swarm
Mar 13 • 6 min
You can only get so far talking about velvet ants and locusts, so enjoy a dad joke so bad it only appeals to dust.
135: Insect
Mar 10 • 8 min
Bugs are mad scary, yo.
134: Imp, Mephit
Mar 8 • 7 min
We're serious about that sitcom deal. Call us, we'll save you CBS.
133: Imp
Mar 6 • 5 min
It's a tiny little beastie that drives a man. Don't tell Men in Black!
132: Hydra
Mar 3 • 5 min
Get some head(s).
131: Human
Mar 1 • 6 min
Perhaps the most dangerous game of all was tennis played with an active grenade.
130: Horse
Feb 27 • 3 min
Let's strip all of the majesty off of god's most glorious creature, shall we?
129: Hook Horror
Feb 24 • 3 min
It's a Dungeons and Dragons classic that prompts and unusual "Would You Rather".
128: Homonculus
Feb 22 • 3 min
We're looking to break into television. If you know anyone who's open to sitcom development, let us know!
127: Hobgoblin
Feb 20 • 4 min
Take a horse, and put a bird on it.
126: Hippogriff
Feb 17 • 4 min
Take a horse, and put a bird on it.
125: Hippocampus
Feb 15 • 5 min
Whoever wrote this entry is ultra thirsty for a water horse.
124: Heucuva
Feb 13 • 6 min
Find the anti-Kole, and slay him.
123: Hell Hound
Feb 10 • 3 min
A walking commercial for Puppy Pepcid. Pupcid.
122: Haunt
Feb 8 • 5 min
Are you a DM who needs an excuse to join the action with your players? Then the Haunt may be for you!
121: Hatori
Feb 6 • 6 min
A crocodile slides a mile with no legs and a great big smile.
120: Harpy
Feb 3 • 6 min
Reverse mythological beasts always do the opposite of what you expect.
119: Halfling
Feb 1 • 5 min
Of all the monsters we grappled with and bested, it took the humble halfling to break us entirely.
118: Hag
Jan 30 • 5 min
The season of the witch continues as we make a case for Hags being the very best.
117: Grippli
Jan 27 • 5 min
Here's one frog who won't suddenly turn into a symbol for Nazi shitheads.
116: Grimlock
Jan 25 • 4 min
Big dumb idiot with a club coming through!
115: Griffon
Jan 23 • 4 min
Hide your horses, because the skies are never safe.
114: Gremlin, Jermlaine
Jan 20 • 5 min
I've been informed that we missed a chance to make a joke about Jermlaine Jackson. Sorry about that.
113: Gremlin
Jan 18 • 7 min
Don't get them wet after midnight, or Gary will yell at you for getting the mythology wrong.
112: Grell
Jan 16 • 5 min
Brains, birds, and Beholders… oh my!
111: Gorgon
Jan 13 • 6 min
Have I already used the "everybody must get stoned" joke? C'mon, there are so many creatures with a petrification gimmick.
110: Golem, Stone Variants
Jan 11 • 5 min
Just when you thought you were safe from Golems, here they come again.
109: Golem, Necrophidius and Scarecrow
Jan 9 • 6 min
The Ravenloft Rock Block continues with two of the cooler interlopers: A skeletal naga construct and a friend with no brain.
108: Golem, Gargoyle and Glass
Jan 6 • 6 min
The redundancy golem shows up twice, even if you don't want him to.
107: Golem, Doll and Bone
Jan 4 • 6 min
When Ravenloft comes to crash the party, you don't ask questions.
106: Golem, Lesser
Jan 2 • 5 min
They did the monster mash.
105: Golem, Greater
Jan 1 • 5 min
Dying would be a stone dude.
104: Goblin
Dec 28, 2016 • 4 min
Sloppy boys, sloppily drawn.
103: Gnome, Spriggan
Dec 26, 2016 • 5 min
It's a ghastly group of gnarly gnomes.
102: Gnome
Dec 23, 2016 • 5 min
Suffering a horrible accident doesn't immediately make you a cryptid, you insensitive monster.Links:Gnome (Monstrous Manual)
101: Gnoll
Dec 21, 2016 • 4 min
We only need one Wes Anderson, no matter how big your package is.Links:Gnoll (Monstrous Manual)
100: Gloomwing
Dec 19, 2016 • 3 min
It's a double nightmare creature who's on the prowl for boy-spine from the very shadows themselves.Links:Gloomwing (Monstrous Manual)
99: Githzerai
Dec 16, 2016 • 4 min
Gith Week ends with the most interesting example of these planar mummy men… The Githzerai. Their lives may be shams!Links:Githzerai (Monstrous Manual)
98: Githyanki
Dec 14, 2016 • 7 min
Sharpen up your silver swords, it's time to hack through another religious extremist mummy man.
97: Gith
Dec 12, 2016 • 8 min
Thus begins Gith week, where we try to distinguish between three sets of indistinguishable shrunken mummy men.
96: Giff
Dec 9, 2016 • 7 min
Please go home, Spelljammer. Space Hippos aren't cool.Links:Giff (Monstrous Manual)
95: Gibberlings
Dec 7, 2016 • 6 min
We've finally moved past the sea of giants, and now we're on to these small, smelly idiots.Links:Gibberling (Monstrous Manual)
94: Wood Giant (Voadkyn)
Dec 5, 2016 • 7 min
Our discussion of giants comes to a weird head… specifically by talking about a giant with a weirdly-shaped head.
93: Storm Giant / Verbeeg
Dec 2, 2016 • 6 min
We finally get to the fireworks factory of Dungeons and Dragons giants… The giant against which all giants are measured. The Verbeeg!
92: Reef Giant / Stone Giant
Nov 30, 2016 • 8 min
How is a Stone Giant different from a Mountain Giant? Tune in to find out!
91: Jungle Giant / Mountain Giant
Nov 28, 2016 • 9 min
From the highlands to the lowlands, conversation turns mostly to appearance.
90: Frost Giant / Hill Giant
Nov 25, 2016 • 7 min
Chilly dummies!
89: Fog Giant / Fomorian
Nov 23, 2016 • 5 min
We've got one guy who is functionally indistinguishable from a Cloud Giant, and another guy who's just a nasty boy.
88: Firbolg / Fire Giant
Nov 21, 2016 • 5 min
Just when you thought it was safe to let your guard down around lava.
87: Desert Giant / Ettin
Nov 18, 2016 • 7 min
It's an exercise in contrasts as we compare the transcendent Desert Giant to the dumb and pointless Ettin.Links:Giant, Desert (Monstrous Manual)Giant, Ettin (Monstrous Manual)
86: Cloud Giant / Cyclops
Nov 16, 2016 • 8 min
Now begins the long, slow death march of talking about barely-differentiated giants.
85: Ghoul
Nov 14, 2016 • 4 min
Imagine this: What if zombies were gross?
84: Ghost
Nov 11, 2016 • 5 min
The withering stare of age is brought on by unfinished business. Settle your accounts, folks.
83: Genies (Part 2)
Nov 9, 2016 • 6 min
The return of the Bottle Buddies.
82: Genies (Part 1)
Nov 7, 2016 • 7 min
I'm an efreeti in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way.Links:Genie (Monstrous Manual)
81: Gargoyle
Nov 4, 2016 • 6 min
A wizard sneezed and a plague was born.Links:Gargoyle (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
80: Gargantua
Nov 2, 2016 • 8 min
Oh no, they say he's got to go: Go Go Gargantua.
79: Galeb Duhr
Oct 31, 2016 • 4 min
Happy Halloween! Have some boulders that are disguised as boulders.Links:Galeb duhr - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
78: Fungus
Oct 28, 2016 • 6 min
Everything you ever wanted to know about a legit and real scary thing. Both you, and it, will scream forever.
77: Frog
Oct 26, 2016 • 5 min
It's just frogs, folks.
76: Fish
Oct 24, 2016 • 5 min
It's just fish.
75: Feyr
Oct 21, 2016 • 5 min
What first appears to be another beholder is actually an extended Ghostbusters II tribute.Links:Feyr - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
74: Eyewing
Oct 19, 2016 • 4 min
Horrible dummies from the abyss will glue you to the wall with tears.
73: Ettercap
Oct 17, 2016 • 3 min
The thrilling conclusion to the "how do spiders sleep?" saga.Links:Ettercap - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
72: Elf, Drow
Oct 14, 2016 • 7 min
Deep below the earth, the dark elves weave their radioactive cloaks, warmed by the breath of those who failed the test.Links:Elf, Drow (Monstrous Manual)
71: Elf, Aquatic
Oct 12, 2016 • 8 min
You live in a paradise under the sea, wending between the kelp… but there's a dark threat from within. Can you trust your eyes, sea elf?Links:Elf, Aquatic (Monstrous Manual)
70: Elf
Oct 10, 2016 • 5 min
We're back in Player Handbook territory as we discuss the long-lived fey creatures that die in secret like cats.
69: Elephant
Oct 7, 2016 • 4 min
Or, as we call them, future pianos. Now I'm sad.
68: Elemental, Composite
Oct 5, 2016 • 6 min
Can you fight a force of nature? Yes, but it would be boring.
67: Elemental Kin, Water
Oct 3, 2016 • 5 min
True love melts away, and all you're left with is some poison in your eye.
66: Elemental Kin, Fire
Sep 30, 2016 • 3 min
Who can be sure what a baby snake would grow up to? Would it grow a face? Would its spear become a part of its body? So snuff out the fireplace, sonny, lest you invite doom.
65: Elemental Kin, Earth
Sep 28, 2016 • 3 min
Nobody has ever used these things in a campaign, and I wouldn't believe you if you contradicted me.
64: Elemental Kin, Air
Sep 26, 2016 • 5 min
You happen into a clearing and discover a small, pearlescent egg. This isn't an episode of Abject Suffering, but your world is about to change forever.Links:Elemental, Air Kin (Monstrous Manual) — Three months after conception, the sylph lays a pearly egg…
63: Elementals
Sep 23, 2016 • 7 min
If you kidnap a planar dummy, don't be surprised if he burns your life down.Links:Elemental (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — Elemental creatures are composed of one of the four classical elementals of air, earth, fire, or water.
62: Dwarf
Sep 21, 2016 • 7 min
Just in case you didn't catch them in the Player Handbook, they're back!Links:Dwarf (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — Dwarves average four feet in height, with squat, broad bodies.
61: Dryad
Sep 19, 2016 • 5 min
Are you ready for uncomfortable sexual situations? Are you too charming for your own good? Then the Dryad might be for you, sweet thing.Links:Dryad - Forgotten Realms Wiki - Wikia — Dryads are fey-maidens who act as the protectors of forests and trees.…
60: Dragonne, Turtle Dragon
Sep 16, 2016 • 3 min
Exdragonanza closes with a whimper on a glorified manticore, and what amounts to a gigantic sea turtle.Links:Dragonne - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — From a distance, the dragonne merely looks like a giant lion, with the exception of two metallic…
59: Dragonets
Sep 14, 2016 • 6 min
Now we enter a detour into the little guys, and hope we don't inhale a dragon faerie.Links:Dragonet (3.5e Creature) - D&D Wiki — This creature resembles a sleek, miniature dragon, slightly smaller than a housecat. It has a thin, long neck, fine scales,…
58: Steel Dragon, Yellow Dragon
Sep 12, 2016 • 4 min
Too chromatic for the metal dragons, too metallic for the chromatic dragons. Here we have the misfits. The outlaws. The rebels.Links:Chromatic dragon - Forgotten Realms Wiki - Wikia — Chromatic dragons are also very commonly evil.Steel Dragon (Dungeons &…
57: Dragons, Mercury, Mist, and Shadow
Sep 9, 2016 • 6 min
Let's dig deeper an deeper into Dragonalia, with elemental dragons that skip back and forth between irrelevant planes of existence.Links:Mist dragon - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — The mist dragon, also known as the Draco Nebulus Obscura, is a type…
56: Dragon, Brown, Cloud, Deep
Sep 7, 2016 • 4 min
And the miscellany rolls in, both aloof and pointless.Links:Cloud dragon - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — A cloud dragon is a neutrally aligned dragon which can take a gaseous form at will, and can exhale a powerful blast of air.Deep dragon -…
55: Dragons, Metallic
Sep 5, 2016 • 11 min
A parade of depressing archetypes who will trap you into conversation, then leave you forever to go back to their home planet.Links:Metallic dragon - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — Metallic dragon is a classification of dragon found in the role…
54: Dragons, Gem
Sep 2, 2016 • 9 min
Welcome to the weirdo neutral dragons that time forgot, as their cruel creators shunted them into Monster Manuals with higher and higher numbers.Links:Gem dragon - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — The following is a list of the gem dragons, a…
53: Dragons, Chromatic
Aug 31, 2016 • 11 min
It's a whole rainbow of shitty eternity lizards.Links:Chromatic dragon - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — A Chromatic dragon is a classification of fictional dragon found in the role playing game Dungeons & Dragons. In this setting, chromatic dragons…
52: Dragons, General
Aug 29, 2016 • 7 min
Exdragonanza 2016 begins in earnest as we discuss dragonkind in general, before diving into specifics over the next few weeks.Links:Dragon, General Information (Monstrous Manual) — Dragons are an ancient, winged reptilian race. They are known and feared…
51: Dracolich
Aug 26, 2016 • 6 min
Contents of the Dracolich may be less bony than they appear.Links:Dracolich (Monstrous Manual) — The dracolich is an undead creature resulting from the unnatural transformation of a dragon. The mysterious Cult of the Dragon practices the powerful magic…
50: Doppelganger
Aug 24, 2016 • 4 min
We are Gary and Kole. Please proceed as normal.Links:Doppelganger (Monstrous Manual) — The doppelganger is a master of mimicry that survives by taking the shapes of men, demihumans, and humanoids.
49: Dolphin
Aug 22, 2016 • 3 min
Somehow they made a real animal the most fantastical creature in this book full of sentient jelly and fire nymphs.Links:Dolphin (Monstrous Manual) — The dolphin is both a hunter and hunted in its marine world.
48: Dog, Moon
Aug 19, 2016 • 3 min
If you come at the Displacer Beast, you best not miss.Links:Dog, Moon (Monstrous Manual) — Often mistaken for baneful monsters, moon dogs are native creatures of Elysium and champions of the causes of good. They often appear in the Prime Material plane to…
47: Dog
Aug 17, 2016 • 5 min
Tell me all your thoughts on dog, because I know we're going to talk about them.Links:Dog (Monstrous Manual) — Smaller than wolves, the appearance of the wild dog varies from place to place. Most appear very wolf-like, while others seem to combine the…
46: Displacer Beast
Aug 15, 2016 • 6 min
You can't hit what you can't accurately see.Links:Displacer beast - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — A displacer beast is considered to be a “magical beast”. In the game, it resembles a black puma with a pair of powerful black tentacles sprouting from…
45: Dinosaur
Aug 12, 2016 • 5 min
Somehow the Monstrous Manual made dinosaurs boring. Bra-fucking-vo.
44: Deepspawn
Aug 10, 2016 • 4 min
It's a beholder, it's a shoggoth, it's redundant!Links:Deepspawn (Monstrous Manual) — Deepspawn look like large, rubbery spheres of mottled grey and brown. Six arms project from their bodies; three are tentacle-arms, and three are jaw-arms, ending in…
43: Death Knight
Aug 8, 2016 • 4 min
It's your favorite Dragonlance character, Lord Soth, singing his sorrowful song about his demise.Links:Death Knight (Monstrous Manual) — A death knight is the horrifying corruption of a paladin or lawful good warrior cursed by the gods to its terrible…
42: Crypt Thing
Aug 5, 2016 • 5 min
Someone ctrl-v'ed the skeleton entry again!Links:Crypt Thing (Monstrous Manual) — A crypt thing looks like nothing more than an animated skeleton, save that it is always clothed in a flowing robe of brown or black. Each eye socket is lit by a fierce, red…
41: Crustacean, Giant
Aug 3, 2016 • 4 min
Just goes to show you: The angle is everything.Links:Crustacean, Giant (Monstrous Manual) — Giant crustaceans are peculiar mutations of crabs and freshwater crayfish. The first inhabits saltwater regions, while the latter is found only in fresh water.
40: Crocodile
Aug 1, 2016 • 3 min
Cave Man Boy is back, and he's going to have his say, god damn it.Links:Crocodile (Monstrous Manual) — The crocodile is a large, dangerous predatory reptile native to tropical and subtropical climes. It spends most of its time submerged in swamps, rivers,…
39: Crawling Claw
Jul 29, 2016 • 4 min
Animated, disembodied hands aren't as cool as you'd think!
38: Crabmen
Jul 27, 2016 • 7 min
The Monstrous Manual takes a left turn… Instead of making the Crabmen another orc stand-in, they've created a morally nuanced ethical test. A very tasty ethical test.Links:Crabman (Monstrous Manual) — Crabmen live as simple hunter-gatherers, subsisting…
37: Couatl
Jul 25, 2016 • 6 min
This entry on the Couatl was written by a Couatl.Links:Couatl (Monstrous Manual) — The couatl are feathered serpents of myth and lore. It is believed that they are distant relatives of dragons, although this remains unproven.
36: Cockatrice
Jul 22, 2016 • 4 min
It's a shittier, birdier basilisk. Next.Links:Cockatrice (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — The cockatrice is based on medieval alchemical folklore, which believed they came from a snake or a toad hatching a rooster’s egg. The…
35: Cloaker
Jul 20, 2016 • 5 min
Up next: The Pants Mimic.Links:Cloaker (Monstrous Manual) — Cloakers are fiendish horrors, related to trappers, that dwell in dark places far beneath the surface of the earth. They generally seek to kill those who enter their lairs, unless they can think…
34: Chimera
Jul 18, 2016 • 5 min
It's the Odd Couple in a single body!
33: Centipede
Jul 15, 2016 • 4 min
Whoever wrote this entry thinks centipedes are the most loathsome creatures in existence.Links:Centipede (Monstrous Manual) — Giant centipedes are loathsome, crawling arthropods that arouse almost universal disgust from all intelligent creatures (even…
32: Centaur
Jul 13, 2016 • 5 min
Oh to roam free on the wooded fields as a horse elf.Links:Centaur (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — Based upon the centaurs of Greek myth, they resemble humans with the lower bodies of horses.
31: Cave Fisher
Jul 11, 2016 • 4 min
It's half lobster, half spider, half barnacle, and 100% charming.Links:Cave fisher - Dungeons and Dragons Wiki - Wikia — The cave fisher is a crab-like monster which inhabits the Underdark and ambushes prey. The cave fisher hides on ledges and hunts by…
30: Catoblepas
Jul 8, 2016 • 6 min
The worst Death Buffalo.Links:Catoblepas (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — A catoblepas has a large, bloated bison’s body with short, stumpy legs like those of a hippopotamus. At the front of its body is a shaggy mane of dark brown…
29: Cat, Small
Jul 6, 2016 • 4 min
The smaller the cat, the bigger the heart… until it becomes a medical condition.
28: Cat, Great
Jul 4, 2016 • 4 min
Join us for a tour of all cats medium and large, as the show becomes just a reading of the Encyclopedia Brittanica.Links:Great Cat - Dungeons and Dragons Wiki - Wikia — The great cats are a category of large felines who represent apex predators where they…
27: Carrion Crawler
Jul 1, 2016 • 5 min
Another in the long line of monsters that just ruin your property values. It's like a centipede, but worse.Links:Carrion crawler - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — The carrion crawler was one of the earliest creatures introduced in the D&D game. In all…
26: Bullywug
Jun 29, 2016 • 3 min
Delicious frog people who are actually just orcs.Links:Bullywug - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — The bullywugs are portrayed as a violent race of marsh-dwelling frog-like humanoids.
25: Bulette
Jun 27, 2016 • 4 min
There goes the neighborhood.Links:Bulette - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — Originally inspired by a cheap plastic toy, the bulette was one of the first monsters specifically created for D&D, and has been included in every edition of D&D, although…
24: Bugbear
Jun 24, 2016 • 6 min
Pointless and boring, the bugbear arrives on the scene to make orcs look interesting in comparison.Links:Bugbear (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — Bugbears resemble hairy, feral goblins standing seven feet tall. They take their…
23: Brownies
Jun 22, 2016 • 6 min
This is the least excited I've ever been when I heard the word "brownie".Links:Brownie - Dungeons and Dragons Wiki - Wikia — The brownie is a distant relative of the halfling that dwells in quiet, pastoral areas.
22: Broken One
Jun 20, 2016 • 6 min
How did they make Teleporter Mistakes boring?Links:PlanetADnD, Dungeons and Dragons — Broken ones (or animal men) are the tragic survivors of scientific and magical experiments gone awry. While they were once human, their beings have become mingled with…
21: Brain Mole
Jun 17, 2016 • 5 min
Psionics are so terrible that a lowly rodent of the ground can use them as snacks.Links:Brain mole - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — The brain mole is a small mole-like mammal that can psionically “burrow” into another creature’s mind.
20: Birds
Jun 15, 2016 • 3 min
You're loving this, aren't you Kole?
19: Behir
Jun 13, 2016 • 4 min
When you're trying to choose between "dragon" and "snake" and the coin you flip lands on its edge.Links:Behir - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — A behir is a huge blue serpentine magical beast with a crocodilian head; the creature is around forty feet…
18: BeholderFest 2016 (Part 6)
Jun 10, 2016 • 8 min
All good things must come to an end. At least until next year.
17: BeholderFest 2016 (Part 5)
Jun 8, 2016 • 6 min
The many-eyed cavity creep gives way to beholders that don't really need to be beholders.
16: BeholderFest 2016 (Part 4)
Jun 6, 2016 • 6 min
BeholderFest 2016 will never end! Meet the many-ribbed Death Tyrant and many more of his bizarre friends.Links:Death tyrant - Forgotten Realms Wiki - Wikia — Death tyrants were an undead form of beholder, similar to zombies, that retained some innate…
15: BeholderFest 2016 (Part 3)
Jun 3, 2016 • 4 min
BeholderFest continues as we settle in and dedicate a whole episode to our friend (and yours), the helpful Spectator.Links:Spectator (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — A spectator is an extraplanar relative of the beholder with four…
14: BeholderFest 2016 (Part 2)
Jun 1, 2016 • 7 min
Pucker up, because it's time to talk about the Death Kiss, the Eye of the Deep, and the Gauth. The magic is gone!Links:Beholder-kin, Death Kiss (Monstrous Manual) — The Death Kiss, or “bleeder”, is fearsome predator found in caverns or ruins.Eye of the…
13: BeholderFest 2016 (Part 1)
May 30, 2016 • 8 min
Feast your eyes on the first part of BeholderFest 2016, where we give you the skinny on our favorite Eye Tyrants.Links:Beholder (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — Its appearance is that of a floating orb of flesh with a large mouth,…
12: Beetle, Giant
May 27, 2016 • 3 min
Please search Kickstarter for our patent-pending beetle sleeping bags. You know, to hide the horror.Links:Beetle (4e Creature) - D&D Wiki — Some species of beetles are innocuous and even beneficial, feeding off of carrion and refuse that would otherwise…
11: Bears
May 25, 2016 • 4 min
Mr. Burns's Hierarchy of Bears.Links:Category:Bear - Dungeons and Dragons Wiki - Wikia — Bears are “ursine” creatures, distantly related to dogs and canines, but larger and more muscular.
10: Bats
May 23, 2016 • 6 min
Dead head frisbees and laundering human meat.Links:SRD:Bat - D&D Wiki — Bats are nocturnal flying mammals.
9: Basilisk
May 20, 2016 • 4 min
The shocking origin story of the Dracolisk: Prodigious production, combined with clumsiness on slippery surfaces.Links:Basilisk » Dungeons & Dragons - D&D 5 — A basilisk is a multilegged, reptilian horror whose deadly gaze transforms victims into porous…
8: Banshee
May 18, 2016 • 3 min
I scream, you scream, we all scream then die instantly.Links:Banshee - Forgotten Realms Wiki - Wikia — A banshee appears as a translucent image of its former self in life. With the pass of time the image of the banshee tends to become blurred and…
7: Baatezu
May 16, 2016 • 4 min
Don't confuse a devil for a demon, it doesn't end well.Links:Baatezu - Forgotten Realms Wiki - Wikia — Baatezu were a category of devils inhabiting the Nine Hells of Baator.
6: Aurumvorax
May 13, 2016 • 3 min
Smeltable truffle pigs in the shape of centibadgers.Links:Aurumvorax - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — The aurumvorax seems to have a deep affection for precious ores and minerals, which it consumes to supplement its mainly carnivorous diet.
5: Argos
May 11, 2016 • 3 min
Who overcooked the Beholder!?Links:PlanetADnD, Dungeons and Dragons — Argos are found in the same regions of wildspace as the baleful beholder nations.
4: Arcane
May 9, 2016 • 3 min
Passive aggressive space weirdos prowl the void, looking for gold to have sex with.
3: Ankheg
May 6, 2016 • 4 min
Here comes the Ankheg to undermine our views of intelligence and society, especially as concerns worms and farming.Links:Ankheg - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — An ankheg is described as having six legs and a many-segmented body, all covered in a…
2: Aboleth
May 4, 2016 • 4 min
Prepare yourselves to become slime slaves to gigantic bottom feeding degenerates.Links:Aboleth - Forgotten Realms Wiki - Wikia — They resemble a bizarre eel, with long, tubular bodies, as well as a tail at one end and two fins near the head and another…
1: Aarakocra
May 2, 2016 • 5 min
The Aarakocra are crappy bird people with secret fingers and a penchant for cloaca-based basketry.Links:Aarakocra - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia