Monster in My Podcast

Monster in My Podcast

monsterinmypod.fireside.fm
A thrice-weekly comedy podcast about the 2nd edition D&D Monstrous Manual.
130: Horse
Feb 27
Let's strip all of the majesty off of god's most glorious creature, shall we?
129: Hook Horror
Feb 24
It's a Dungeons and Dragons classic that prompts and unusual "Would You Rather".
128: Homonculus
Feb 22
We're looking to break into television. If you know anyone who's open to sitcom development, let us know!
127: Hobgoblin
Feb 20
Take a horse, and put a bird on it.
126: Hippogriff
Feb 17
Take a horse, and put a bird on it.
125: Hippocampus
Feb 15
Whoever wrote this entry is ultra thirsty for a water horse.
124: Heucuva
Feb 13
Find the anti-Kole, and slay him.
123: Hell Hound
Feb 10
A walking commercial for Puppy Pepcid. Pupcid.
122: Haunt
Feb 8
Are you a DM who needs an excuse to join the action with your players? Then the Haunt may be for you!
121: Hatori
Feb 6
A crocodile slides a mile with no legs and a great big smile.
120: Harpy
Feb 3
Reverse mythological beasts always do the opposite of what you expect.
119: Halfling
Feb 1
Of all the monsters we grappled with and bested, it took the humble halfling to break us entirely.
118: Hag
Jan 30
The season of the witch continues as we make a case for Hags being the very best.
117: Grippli
Jan 27
Here's one frog who won't suddenly turn into a symbol for Nazi shitheads.
116: Grimlock
Jan 25
Big dumb idiot with a club coming through!
115: Griffon
Jan 23
Hide your horses, because the skies are never safe.
114: Gremlin, Jermlaine
Jan 20
I've been informed that we missed a chance to make a joke about Jermlaine Jackson. Sorry about that.
113: Gremlin
Jan 18
Don't get them wet after midnight, or Gary will yell at you for getting the mythology wrong.
112: Grell
Jan 16
Brains, birds, and Beholders… oh my!
111: Gorgon
Jan 13
Have I already used the "everybody must get stoned" joke? C'mon, there are so many creatures with a petrification gimmick.
110: Golem, Stone Variants
Jan 11
Just when you thought you were safe from Golems, here they come again.
109: Golem, Necrophidius and Scarecrow
Jan 9
The Ravenloft Rock Block continues with two of the cooler interlopers: A skeletal naga construct and a friend with no brain.
108: Golem, Gargoyle and Glass
Jan 6
The redundancy golem shows up twice, even if you don't want him to.
107: Golem, Doll and Bone
Jan 4
When Ravenloft comes to crash the party, you don't ask questions.
106: Golem, Lesser
Jan 2
They did the monster mash.
105: Golem, Greater
Jan 1
Dying would be a stone dude.
104: Goblin
Dec 28, 2016
Sloppy boys, sloppily drawn.
103: Gnome, Spriggan
Dec 26, 2016
It's a ghastly group of gnarly gnomes.
102: Gnome
Dec 23, 2016
Suffering a horrible accident doesn't immediately make you a cryptid, you insensitive monster.Gnome (Monstrous Manual)
101: Gnoll
Dec 21, 2016
We only need one Wes Anderson, no matter how big your package is.Gnoll (Monstrous Manual)
100: Gloomwing
Dec 19, 2016
It's a double nightmare creature who's on the prowl for boy-spine from the very shadows themselves.Gloomwing (Monstrous Manual)
99: Githzerai
Dec 16, 2016
Gith Week ends with the most interesting example of these planar mummy men… The Githzerai. Their lives may be shams!Githzerai (Monstrous Manual)
98: Githyanki
Dec 14, 2016
Sharpen up your silver swords, it's time to hack through another religious extremist mummy man.
97: Gith
Dec 12, 2016
Thus begins Gith week, where we try to distinguish between three sets of indistinguishable shrunken mummy men.
96: Giff
Dec 9, 2016
Please go home, Spelljammer. Space Hippos aren't cool.Giff (Monstrous Manual)
95: Gibberlings
Dec 7, 2016
We've finally moved past the sea of giants, and now we're on to these small, smelly idiots.Gibberling (Monstrous Manual)
94: Wood Giant (Voadkyn)
Dec 5, 2016
Our discussion of giants comes to a weird head… specifically by talking about a giant with a weirdly-shaped head.
93: Storm Giant / Verbeeg
Dec 2, 2016
We finally get to the fireworks factory of Dungeons and Dragons giants… The giant against which all giants are measured. The Verbeeg!
92: Reef Giant / Stone Giant
Nov 30, 2016
How is a Stone Giant different from a Mountain Giant? Tune in to find out!
91: Jungle Giant / Mountain Giant
Nov 28, 2016
From the highlands to the lowlands, conversation turns mostly to appearance.
90: Frost Giant / Hill Giant
Nov 25, 2016
Chilly dummies!
89: Fog Giant / Fomorian
Nov 23, 2016
We've got one guy who is functionally indistinguishable from a Cloud Giant, and another guy who's just a nasty boy.
88: Firbolg / Fire Giant
Nov 21, 2016
Just when you thought it was safe to let your guard down around lava.
87: Desert Giant / Ettin
Nov 18, 2016
It's an exercise in contrasts as we compare the transcendent Desert Giant to the dumb and pointless Ettin.Giant, Desert (Monstrous Manual)Giant, Ettin (Monstrous Manual)
86: Cloud Giant / Cyclops
Nov 16, 2016
Now begins the long, slow death march of talking about barely-differentiated giants.
85: Ghoul
Nov 14, 2016
Imagine this: What if zombies were gross?
84: Ghost
Nov 11, 2016
The withering stare of age is brought on by unfinished business. Settle your accounts, folks.
83: Genies (Part 2)
Nov 9, 2016
The return of the Bottle Buddies.
82: Genies (Part 1)
Nov 7, 2016
I'm an efreeti in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way.Genie (Monstrous Manual)
81: Gargoyle
Nov 4, 2016
A wizard sneezed and a plague was born.Gargoyle (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
80: Gargantua
Nov 2, 2016
Oh no, they say he's got to go: Go Go Gargantua.
79: Galeb Duhr
Oct 31, 2016
Happy Halloween! Have some boulders that are disguised as boulders.Galeb duhr - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
78: Fungus
Oct 28, 2016
Everything you ever wanted to know about a legit and real scary thing. Both you, and it, will scream forever.
77: Frog
Oct 26, 2016
It's just frogs, folks.
76: Fish
Oct 24, 2016
It's just fish.
75: Feyr
Oct 21, 2016
What first appears to be another beholder is actually an extended Ghostbusters II tribute.Feyr - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
74: Eyewing
Oct 19, 2016
Horrible dummies from the abyss will glue you to the wall with tears.
73: Ettercap
Oct 17, 2016
The thrilling conclusion to the "how do spiders sleep?" saga.Ettercap - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
72: Elf, Drow
Oct 14, 2016
Deep below the earth, the dark elves weave their radioactive cloaks, warmed by the breath of those who failed the test.Elf, Drow (Monstrous Manual)
71: Elf, Aquatic
Oct 12, 2016
You live in a paradise under the sea, wending between the kelp… but there's a dark threat from within. Can you trust your eyes, sea elf?Elf, Aquatic (Monstrous Manual)
70: Elf
Oct 10, 2016
We're back in Player Handbook territory as we discuss the long-lived fey creatures that die in secret like cats.
69: Elephant
Oct 7, 2016
Or, as we call them, future pianos. Now I'm sad.
68: Elemental, Composite
Oct 5, 2016
Can you fight a force of nature? Yes, but it would be boring.
67: Elemental Kin, Water
Oct 3, 2016
True love melts away, and all you're left with is some poison in your eye.
66: Elemental Kin, Fire
Sep 30, 2016
Who can be sure what a baby snake would grow up to? Would it grow a face? Would its spear become a part of its body? So snuff out the fireplace, sonny, lest you invite doom.
65: Elemental Kin, Earth
Sep 28, 2016
Nobody has ever used these things in a campaign, and I wouldn't believe you if you contradicted me.
64: Elemental Kin, Air
Sep 26, 2016
You happen into a clearing and discover a small, pearlescent egg. This isn't an episode of Abject Suffering, but your world is about to change forever.Elemental, Air Kin (Monstrous Manual) — Three months after conception, the sylph lays a pearly egg in a…
63: Elementals
Sep 23, 2016
If you kidnap a planar dummy, don't be surprised if he burns your life down.Elemental (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — Elemental creatures are composed of one of the four classical elementals of air, earth, fire, or water.
62: Dwarf
Sep 21, 2016
Just in case you didn't catch them in the Player Handbook, they're back! Dwarf (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — Dwarves average four feet in height, with squat, broad bodies.
61: Dryad
Sep 19, 2016
Are you ready for uncomfortable sexual situations? Are you too charming for your own good? Then the Dryad might be for you, sweet thing. Dryad - Forgotten Realms Wiki - Wikia — Dryads are fey-maidens who act as the protectors of forests and trees. They…
60: Dragonne, Turtle Dragon
Sep 16, 2016
Exdragonanza closes with a whimper on a glorified manticore, and what amounts to a gigantic sea turtle. Dragonne - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — From a distance, the dragonne merely looks like a giant lion, with the exception of two metallic wings…
59: Dragonets
Sep 14, 2016
Now we enter a detour into the little guys, and hope we don't inhale a dragon faerie. Dragonet (3.5e Creature) - D&D Wiki — This creature resembles a sleek, miniature dragon, slightly smaller than a housecat. It has a thin, long neck, fine scales, sharp,…
58: Steel Dragon, Yellow Dragon
Sep 12, 2016
Too chromatic for the metal dragons, too metallic for the chromatic dragons. Here we have the misfits. The outlaws. The rebels. Chromatic dragon - Forgotten Realms Wiki - Wikia — Chromatic dragons are also very commonly evil.Steel Dragon (Dungeons &…
57: Dragons, Mercury, Mist, and Shadow
Sep 9, 2016
Let's dig deeper an deeper into Dragonalia, with elemental dragons that skip back and forth between irrelevant planes of existence. Mist dragon - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — The mist dragon, also known as the Draco Nebulus Obscura, is a type of…
56: Dragon, Brown, Cloud, Deep
Sep 7, 2016
And the miscellany rolls in, both aloof and pointless. Cloud dragon - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — A cloud dragon is a neutrally aligned dragon which can take a gaseous form at will, and can exhale a powerful blast of air.Deep dragon - Forgotten…
55: Dragons, Metallic
Sep 5, 2016
A parade of depressing archetypes who will trap you into conversation, then leave you forever to go back to their home planet. Metallic dragon - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — Metallic dragon is a classification of dragon found in the role playing…
54: Dragons, Gem
Sep 2, 2016
Welcome to the weirdo neutral dragons that time forgot, as their cruel creators shunted them into Monster Manuals with higher and higher numbers. Gem dragon - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — The following is a list of the gem dragons, a classification…
53: Dragons, Chromatic
Aug 31, 2016
It's a whole rainbow of shitty eternity lizards. Chromatic dragon - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — A Chromatic dragon is a classification of fictional dragon found in the role playing game Dungeons & Dragons. In this setting, chromatic dragons are…
52: Dragons, General
Aug 29, 2016
Exdragonanza 2016 begins in earnest as we discuss dragonkind in general, before diving into specifics over the next few weeks. Dragon, General Information (Monstrous Manual) — Dragons are an ancient, winged reptilian race. They are known and feared for…
51: Dracolich
Aug 26, 2016
Contents of the Dracolich may be less bony than they appear. Dracolich (Monstrous Manual) — The dracolich is an undead creature resulting from the unnatural transformation of a dragon. The mysterious Cult of the Dragon practices the powerful magic…
50: Doppelganger
Aug 24, 2016
We are Gary and Kole. Please proceed as normal. Doppelganger (Monstrous Manual) — The doppelganger is a master of mimicry that survives by taking the shapes of men, demihumans, and humanoids.
49: Dolphin
Aug 22, 2016
Somehow they made a real animal the most fantastical creature in this book full of sentient jelly and fire nymphs. Dolphin (Monstrous Manual) — The dolphin is both a hunter and hunted in its marine world.
48: Dog, Moon
Aug 19, 2016
If you come at the Displacer Beast, you best not miss. Dog, Moon (Monstrous Manual) — Often mistaken for baneful monsters, moon dogs are native creatures of Elysium and champions of the causes of good. They often appear in the Prime Material plane to…
47: Dog
Aug 17, 2016
Tell me all your thoughts on dog, because I know we're going to talk about them. Dog (Monstrous Manual) — Smaller than wolves, the appearance of the wild dog varies from place to place. Most appear very wolf-like, while others seem to combine the looks of…
46: Displacer Beast
Aug 15, 2016
You can't hit what you can't accurately see. Displacer beast - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — A displacer beast is considered to be a “magical beast”. In the game, it resembles a black puma with a pair of powerful black tentacles sprouting from its…
45: Dinosaur
Aug 12, 2016
Somehow the Monstrous Manual made dinosaurs boring. Bra-fucking-vo.
44: Deepspawn
Aug 10, 2016
It's a beholder, it's a shoggoth, it's redundant! Deepspawn (Monstrous Manual) — Deepspawn look like large, rubbery spheres of mottled grey and brown. Six arms project from their bodies; three are tentacle-arms, and three are jaw-arms, ending in mouths of…
43: Death Knight
Aug 8, 2016
It's your favorite Dragonlance character, Lord Soth, singing his sorrowful song about his demise. Death Knight (Monstrous Manual) — A death knight is the horrifying corruption of a paladin or lawful good warrior cursed by the gods to its terrible form as…
42: Crypt Thing
Aug 5, 2016
Someone ctrl-v'ed the skeleton entry again! Crypt Thing (Monstrous Manual) — A crypt thing looks like nothing more than an animated skeleton, save that it is always clothed in a flowing robe of brown or black. Each eye socket is lit by a fierce, red…
41: Crustacean, Giant
Aug 3, 2016
Just goes to show you: The angle is everything. Crustacean, Giant (Monstrous Manual) — Giant crustaceans are peculiar mutations of crabs and freshwater crayfish. The first inhabits saltwater regions, while the latter is found only in fresh water.
40: Crocodile
Aug 1, 2016
Cave Man Boy is back, and he's going to have his say, god damn it. Crocodile (Monstrous Manual) — The crocodile is a large, dangerous predatory reptile native to tropical and subtropical climes. It spends most of its time submerged in swamps, rivers, or…
39: Crawling Claw
Jul 29, 2016
Animated, disembodied hands aren't as cool as you'd think!
38: Crabmen
Jul 27, 2016
The Monstrous Manual takes a left turn… Instead of making the Crabmen another orc stand-in, they've created a morally nuanced ethical test. A very tasty ethical test. Crabman (Monstrous Manual) — Crabmen live as simple hunter-gatherers, subsisting…
37: Couatl
Jul 25, 2016
This entry on the Couatl was written by a Couatl. Couatl (Monstrous Manual) — The couatl are feathered serpents of myth and lore. It is believed that they are distant relatives of dragons, although this remains unproven.
36: Cockatrice
Jul 22, 2016
It's a shittier, birdier basilisk. Next. Cockatrice (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — The cockatrice is based on medieval alchemical folklore, which believed they came from a snake or a toad hatching a rooster’s egg. The cockatrice…
35: Cloaker
Jul 20, 2016
Up next: The Pants Mimic. Cloaker (Monstrous Manual) — Cloakers are fiendish horrors, related to trappers, that dwell in dark places far beneath the surface of the earth. They generally seek to kill those who enter their lairs, unless they can think up…
34: Chimera
Jul 18, 2016
It's the Odd Couple in a single body!
33: Centipede
Jul 15, 2016
Whoever wrote this entry thinks centipedes are the most loathsome creatures in existence. Centipede (Monstrous Manual) — Giant centipedes are loathsome, crawling arthropods that arouse almost universal disgust from all intelligent creatures (even other…
32: Centaur
Jul 13, 2016
Oh to roam free on the wooded fields as a horse elf. Centaur (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — Based upon the centaurs of Greek myth, they resemble humans with the lower bodies of horses.
31: Cave Fisher
Jul 11, 2016
It's half lobster, half spider, half barnacle, and 100% charming. Cave fisher - Dungeons and Dragons Wiki - Wikia — The cave fisher is a crab-like monster which inhabits the Underdark and ambushes prey. The cave fisher hides on ledges and hunts by…
30: Catoblepas
Jul 8, 2016
The worst Death Buffalo. Catoblepas (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — A catoblepas has a large, bloated bison’s body with short, stumpy legs like those of a hippopotamus. At the front of its body is a shaggy mane of dark brown…
29: Cat, Small
Jul 6, 2016
The smaller the cat, the bigger the heart… until it becomes a medical condition.
28: Cat, Great
Jul 4, 2016
Join us for a tour of all cats medium and large, as the show becomes just a reading of the Encyclopedia Brittanica. Great Cat - Dungeons and Dragons Wiki - Wikia — The great cats are a category of large felines who represent apex predators where they live.
27: Carrion Crawler
Jul 1, 2016
Another in the long line of monsters that just ruin your property values. It's like a centipede, but worse. Carrion crawler - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — The carrion crawler was one of the earliest creatures introduced in the D&D game. In all…
26: Bullywug
Jun 29, 2016
Delicious frog people who are actually just orcs. Bullywug - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — The bullywugs are portrayed as a violent race of marsh-dwelling frog-like humanoids.
25: Bulette
Jun 27, 2016
There goes the neighborhood. Bulette - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — Originally inspired by a cheap plastic toy, the bulette was one of the first monsters specifically created for D&D, and has been included in every edition of D&D, although various…
24: Bugbear
Jun 24, 2016
Pointless and boring, the bugbear arrives on the scene to make orcs look interesting in comparison. Bugbear (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — Bugbears resemble hairy, feral goblins standing seven feet tall. They take their name…
23: Brownies
Jun 22, 2016
This is the least excited I've ever been when I heard the word "brownie". Brownie - Dungeons and Dragons Wiki - Wikia — The brownie is a distant relative of the halfling that dwells in quiet, pastoral areas.
22: Broken One
Jun 20, 2016
How did they make Teleporter Mistakes boring? PlanetADnD, Dungeons and Dragons — Broken ones (or animal men) are the tragic survivors of scientific and magical experiments gone awry. While they were once human, their beings have become mingled with those…
21: Brain Mole
Jun 17, 2016
Psionics are so terrible that a lowly rodent of the ground can use them as snacks. Brain mole - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — The brain mole is a small mole-like mammal that can psionically “burrow” into another creature’s mind.
20: Birds
Jun 15, 2016
You're loving this, aren't you Kole?
19: Behir
Jun 13, 2016
When you're trying to choose between "dragon" and "snake" and the coin you flip lands on its edge. Behir - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — A behir is a huge blue serpentine magical beast with a crocodilian head; the creature is around forty feet long…
18: BeholderFest 2016 (Part 6)
Jun 10, 2016
All good things must come to an end. At least until next year.
17: BeholderFest 2016 (Part 5)
Jun 8, 2016
The many-eyed cavity creep gives way to beholders that don't really need to be beholders.
16: BeholderFest 2016 (Part 4)
Jun 6, 2016
BeholderFest 2016 will never end! Meet the many-ribbed Death Tyrant and many more of his bizarre friends. Death tyrant - Forgotten Realms Wiki - Wikia — Death tyrants were an undead form of beholder, similar to zombies, that retained some innate magical…
15: BeholderFest 2016 (Part 3)
Jun 3, 2016
BeholderFest continues as we settle in and dedicate a whole episode to our friend (and yours), the helpful Spectator. Spectator (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — A spectator is an extraplanar relative of the beholder with four…
14: BeholderFest 2016 (Part 2)
Jun 1, 2016
Pucker up, because it's time to talk about the Death Kiss, the Eye of the Deep, and the Gauth. The magic is gone! Beholder-kin, Death Kiss (Monstrous Manual) — The Death Kiss, or “bleeder”, is fearsome predator found in caverns or ruins.Eye of the Deep -…
13: BeholderFest 2016 (Part 1)
May 30, 2016
Feast your eyes on the first part of BeholderFest 2016, where we give you the skinny on our favorite Eye Tyrants. Beholder (Dungeons & Dragons) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — Its appearance is that of a floating orb of flesh with a large mouth,…
12: Beetle, Giant
May 27, 2016
Please search Kickstarter for our patent-pending beetle sleeping bags. You know, to hide the horror. Beetle (4e Creature) - D&D Wiki — Some species of beetles are innocuous and even beneficial, feeding off of carrion and refuse that would otherwise pile…
11: Bears
May 25, 2016
Mr. Burns's Hierarchy of Bears. Category:Bear - Dungeons and Dragons Wiki - Wikia — Bears are “ursine” creatures, distantly related to dogs and canines, but larger and more muscular.
10: Bats
May 23, 2016
Dead head frisbees and laundering human meat. SRD:Bat - D&D Wiki — Bats are nocturnal flying mammals.
9: Basilisk
May 20, 2016
The shocking origin story of the Dracolisk: Prodigious production, combined with clumsiness on slippery surfaces. Basilisk » Dungeons & Dragons - D&D 5 — A basilisk is a multilegged, reptilian horror whose deadly gaze transforms victims into porous stone.
8: Banshee
May 18, 2016
I scream, you scream, we all scream then die instantly. Banshee - Forgotten Realms Wiki - Wikia — A banshee appears as a translucent image of its former self in life. With the pass of time the image of the banshee tends to become blurred and indistinct,…
7: Baatezu
May 16, 2016
Don't confuse a devil for a demon, it doesn't end well. Baatezu - Forgotten Realms Wiki - Wikia — Baatezu were a category of devils inhabiting the Nine Hells of Baator.
6: Aurumvorax
May 13, 2016
Smeltable truffle pigs in the shape of centibadgers. Aurumvorax - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — The aurumvorax seems to have a deep affection for precious ores and minerals, which it consumes to supplement its mainly carnivorous diet.
5: Argos
May 11, 2016
Who overcooked the Beholder!? PlanetADnD, Dungeons and Dragons — Argos are found in the same regions of wildspace as the baleful beholder nations.
4: Arcane
May 9, 2016
Passive aggressive space weirdos prowl the void, looking for gold to have sex with.
3: Ankheg
May 6, 2016
Here comes the Ankheg to undermine our views of intelligence and society, especially as concerns worms and farming. Ankheg - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia — An ankheg is described as having six legs and a many-segmented body, all covered in a brown…
2: Aboleth
May 4, 2016
Prepare yourselves to become slime slaves to gigantic bottom feeding degenerates. Aboleth - Forgotten Realms Wiki - Wikia — They resemble a bizarre eel, with long, tubular bodies, as well as a tail at one end and two fins near the head and another along…
1: Aarakocra
May 2, 2016
The Aarakocra are crappy bird people with secret fingers and a penchant for cloaca-based basketry. Aarakocra - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia