Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast

www.danwakesupscreaming.com
Three Brooklynites dissect their fascinatingly stupid lives.
33.2: Next Year on Mars - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Jun 28
The fellows meet a legend from the 70s psych-jazz scene and find themselves mixed up in a supernatural grudge match between immortal super-villains. Also Dan ran some sort of race. Episode thirty-three of Dan Wakes Up Screaming is available for your…
33.1: Ham Smugglers - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Jun 14
Brian tours the Iberian Peninsula and commits a tasty felony, Dan fails out of spitting lessons, and Fed, well, God bless Fed. It’s Episode 33.1 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming! Music Credits: “Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker “Octopussy” by Juanitos “We…
32.2: Breaking News: Melania Trump is an Umbrella - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
May 25 • 44 min
You heard it here first, and let us remind her lawyers, before they come for us, how hard it will be to prove that she is not in fact an umbrella. Good luck, counselors. In other news, the wild dogs of Sochi have mostly taken over Russia, Dan is seriously…
32.1: Fonzie vs. Fonzie - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
May 8
This episode was recorded on the first of April, so there is a lot of chat about pranks which is probably no longer seasonally appropriate. Other matters discussed include Fed’s eccentric alternatives to coffee cups, Brian’s attempted relations with…
31.2: Exclusive Presidential Interview - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Mar 21 • 45 min
In what is likely to result in millions of downloads and at least one Pulitzer, we have scored the ultimate podcast get: an exclusive interview with a POTUS. It is not unlike when Mark Maron sat down with Obama, although the president that we were able to…
31.1: The Only Living Dan in New York - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Mar 7 • 50 min
Dan recently celebrated a birthday, which he refers to as “the saddest day of the year.” If you see a gaunt, haunted man staring blankly out a Brooklyn window in February, odds are that’s Dan. Do us a favor Dan, and dial nine whine whine, ‘cause that’s…
30: Bad Mood Edition - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Feb 17 • 64 min
This episode was recorded the day of the Women’s March, which already seems like sepia-toned ancient history. Even then, a mere twenty-four hours into our nation’s current horror, we were already too outrage-fatigued to notice that Executive Branch…
29.2: Chris Gaines Ruined America - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Jan 12 • 33 min
November and December lasted five years each. Halloween was a lifetime ago. The calendar is crawling. Did it feel this way between Bush’s election and inauguration? I can’t remember. It’s finally January, the slowest and foulest four weeks of the year, in…
29.1: Dan Cancels Christmas - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Dec 27, 2016 • 41 min
I haven’t heard from Dan since the news broke about George Michael. I’m picturing him alone somewhere in a sequined motorcycle jacket over a bare chest, sitting on a stool in a dark room under a spotlight, weeping softly as he ignores all my texts. Also I…
28: We Are Hippies Now - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Dec 9, 2016 • 59 min
This episode was recorded two weeks after the election. We were having a contest to see who could be the most hopeless dude in the room, and it was pretty much a four way tie if you count Griffin. Fortunately for the listener, Dan had the good sense to…
27: The Fiftieth Episode Spectacular - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Oct 25, 2016 • 64 min
In October of 2013, three men sat down in a booth at Halyard’s Bar and turned on a microphone. American culture was changed forever that night, even if America hasn’t quite realized it yet. This is the fiftieth episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming. That may…
26.2: Dan Like Nobody’s Watching - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Sep 13, 2016 • 64 min
Fed can bring home the bacon. Brian can cook it up in a pan. Dan will never let you forget that you’re a man. Enjoy this new episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming. Music Credits: “Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker “Octopussy” by Juanitos “Years of…
26.1: Ye Olde Podcaste - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Aug 29, 2016 • 41 min
In this third episode of August we review our summer vacations, do unflattering impressions of the Founding Fathers, introduce Judge Fedd, the grammar enforcer, and continue to totally ignore the ongoing presidential election. You are welcome, America.…
25.2: Is This a Fetish? - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Aug 15, 2016 • 35 min
Human sexuality is a fascinating conundrum, and the fellows spend much of this episode trying to think of ways to cash in on it. Also, Brian falls victim to a classic long con, Dan and Fed tell unappetizing stories about sleepaway camp, and we are visited…
25.1: Dan Versus The Volcano - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Aug 1, 2016 • 0 min
Residents of Kensington may have recently seen a disheveled and nearly nude man crawling around on a fire escape with a can of WD-40. Episode 25.1 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming attempts to explain what was going on there. Also, could you guys please give this…
24: Are You There God? It’s Me, Dan. - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Jul 5, 2016 • 51 min
Welcome to July, Screamers. This episode was recorded in Fed’s immaculately clean apartment, which, I cannot stress enough, was entirely spotless and tidy when we arrived. In this edition of Dan Wakes Up Screaming, we meet Bun Bun the Toilet Bunny, an…
23.2: The Redneck Version of Space - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Jun 10, 2016
Spoiler alert: the best part of this episode is when Fed says “I’m sure he’s fine.” That won’t make any sense to you until you hear it, but trust me, it’s just great. Other highlights: Brian talks about the time he was nearly murdered by mice, and Dan…
23.1: Nude With Inner Tube - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
May 27, 2016 • 52 min
In this episode we learn that if Fed were rich he would drive around in a Cadillac full of caviar, and maybe some day he would also go to a dentist. Meanwhile, Dan proposes that we refer to fans of the podcast as “the screamers,” and also hears the phrase…
22: Dan’s Been Kissed By a Rose - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
May 6, 2016 • 45 min
Dan falls in love with a flower, Fed performs a historical reenactment of Jefferson Davis, and Brian admits to being a pretty bad men’s room attendant in this, the twenty-second episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming. Music Credits: “Many Happy Returns” by…
21.2: Doctor Diesel and the Towel Boy - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Apr 8, 2016
The fellows pitch a prestige cable series, win a Russian beer sweepstakes, and try out a new trivia segment on this, the conclusion to Episode 21 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming. Editor’s Note: At one point in this program, Brian incorrectly refers to F. Lee…
21.1: Skinny Dan Versus Big Fat Fed - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Mar 25, 2016 • 41 min
When he was subsisting on dining hall starch in college, Fed was what Buffalo Bill would call “a great big fat person.” I’m not saying that Fed was fat, but when Fed sat around the house, Fed sat around the house. Also, I’m not that saying Fed was fat,…
20.2: A Nation of Elvises - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Feb 18, 2016 • 49 min
We re-join our heroes for another harrowing Fed-selected music segment, a visit from an Austrian sexpert, and a quick round of America’s new favorite party game, Teen Topix. Please enjoy the conclusion of the Winter Storm Jonas edition of Dan Wakes Up…
20.1: Used Up On Prom Night - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Feb 5, 2016 • 43 min
Welcome to our Pop Culture Roundup and Oscar Prediction Supercast! Just kidding. Two thirds of us haven’t even seen the new Star Wars movie. Other things never mentioned in this first episode of 2016 include the death of David Bowie and the ongoing…
19: American Bear and Monkey Boss - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Nov 19, 2015 • 59 min
Brian returns to Naked Island for some saucy corrective corrections, Dan’s class photo is so bad that the photographer wins a Pulitzer, and Fed attempts to channel the spirit of a legendary Cajun chef, with limited success. Please enjoy the nineteenth…
18: Season Three! Escape From Naked Island - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Nov 5, 2015 • 66 min
Season Three of Dan Wakes Up Screaming is upon us with an episode that has it all: nudity, violence, adult situations, and compulsory hand-holding with strangers. Music Credits: “Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker “Octopussy” by Juanitos “Cool Reggae…
17.2: Werewolves of Windsor Terrace - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Oct 22, 2015 • 44 min
This is it: the final episode of Season Two, which means that we are mere weeks away from the premiere of Season Three. A lot of people thought we wouldn’t get renewed for another season, and do you know where those people are now? Well, if we go by…
17.1: A Bottle of Bile - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Oct 8, 2015 • 35 min
Breaking news: Dan Wakes Up Screaming still exists. This new episode, which is part one of the electrifying conclusion of Season Two, finds that Fed is moving to a new apartment, Brian has finally quit smoking, and Dan in incensed at the lack of Huey…
16.2: Base Jumpers Don’t Cry - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Jul 27, 2015 • 35 min
Episode 16.2 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming finds the boys still all squicked out about seeing one another in daylight, so they’re relieved when a very special guest shows up and they don’t have to talk to one another anymore. By the way, have you ever…
16.1: Tricked By Dogs - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Jul 14, 2015 • 40 min
This episode was recorded in broad daylight, which weirded everyone out. Overcoming the queasiness of seeing one another during business hours, the fellows managed to discuss: - Current American politics (The first time ever that such a conversation was…
15.2: Dry Horizons - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Jun 29, 2015 • 49 min
What do you serve to a Broadway producer who barges into your podcast taping planning to kidnap you and then force you into a life of indentured servitude in the theater? The answer, as we learn on this episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming, is a small sherry…
15.1: Feliz Quinceanera - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Jun 22, 2015 • 42 min
Dan’s kids have lice, Fed’s starting a cult, and Brian is convinced that he is too talented for Broadway. It’s the fifteenth episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming! This is also our thirtieth podcast in total, so depending on your outlook this is either our…
14.2: Welcome to the Peace Department - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Jun 1, 2015 • 52 min
Dan recently cancelled his subscription to cable television, which means that this podcast is probably doomed, because we can’t even picture Dan without access to CoziTV. If you see a very thin and panicky fellow trying to rent Murder She Wrote tapes at…
14.1: Berserker Sex Robot Superstar - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
May 19, 2015 • 49 min
In the not-too-distant future, podcasters will be replaced by sexy androids. Probably. Episode fourteen of Dan Wakes Up Screaming offers a terrifying glimpse of the coming dystopia. “Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker “Ride My Tempo” by Fhernando…
13.3: Big Flats Ain’t Big Enough For Both of Us - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Apr 20, 2015 • 34 min
The fellows collaborate on a genre fiction series that will be available in airport bookstores near you, Dan’s clone/single white female shows up, and a particularly eventful day in history is marked. Lucky episode thirteen is in the can. “Many Happy…
13.2: Dan Fulfills The Prophecy - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Apr 9, 2015 • 44 min
The epic trilogy continues: first the fellows meet another local artisan of the burgeoning maker culture, and then Dan shares a heartwarming story in which he achieves all that his parents ever wanted for him, at a shopping mall fashion show. Music…
13.1: We Disagree With Your Lifestyle - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Mar 24, 2015 • 57 min
Dan showed up to this evening’s session wearing glasses and sporting an iPhone. He looked like an art director, but all that gravitas evaporated when his selection for the music segment turned out to be “Jacob’s Ladder” by Huey Lewis and the News. Please…
12.2: French Bulldog Puppy Apocalypse - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Mar 3, 2015 • 44 min
It could happen, people. Season Two continues with a special guest, and a new “Day in History” segment which Dan described as “a train wreck… but it’s short!” Also we go on for awhile about Lisa Loeb, which, can you believe that hasn’t happened yet? Music…
12.1: The German Word for “Sex Murder” - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Feb 17, 2015 • 42 min
Apparently it is “Lustmord.” Anyway, Season Two continues with another new episode. Music credits: “Many Happy Returns” by Guillaume Tucker “Alabama Chicken” by Sean Hayes “Messy Love” by Another Day On Earth “Upside Down” by Oblivian Substanshall
11.2: Various Heresies - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Feb 4, 2015 • 52 min
Dan and Fed spend much of this Baltika-fueled evening preparing for the annual celebration of Marchington. What’s Marchington, you ask? Oh my God, are Dan and Fed happy that you asked. Brian is for the most part without comment on the subject. Other…
11.1: Season Two! Swimming to Xanadu - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Jan 20, 2015 • 41 min
Season Two of Dan Wakes Up Screaming is upon us. Phone the neighbors, wake the kids, tell your friends about your favorite podcast. Seriously, please, tell your friends about this podcast. In this episode, Dan recalls some boorish behavior in college…
10.2: Truman Capote’s Seance For Sexy Singles - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Nov 28, 2014 • 44 min
Special holiday weekend edition! In Cold Blood might be the best book ever written, but it’s nothing compared to the Capote’s major life work: The Black and White Ball. We had an audience with Capote’s departed spirit (he’s a friend of Mike’s, apparently)…
10.1: It’s a Shame About Sly - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Nov 12, 2014 • 50 min
After every episode of this podcast, one of the celebrities mentioned therein has died. No kidding, every one. There could be a non-supernatural explanation for this, for instance: a lot of elderly celebrities come up on this podcast, which is produced by…
8.3: An Army Of Brians - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Aug 28, 2014 • 56 min
In this finale to the trilogy which episode three of Dan Wakes Up Screaming became, the fellows investigate a sinister society whose covert machinations have influenced Western society for untold generations. Also, there are dick jokes. “Many Happy…
8.2: The Monster of Fort Tilden - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Aug 21, 2014 • 56 min
Alternate title: Terrifying True Tales of Public Nudity. Also, former lacrosse wunderkind Fed explains the purpose of a jock strap to the other, less athletically-inclined fellows, who can’t seem to imagine why a person would wear such a thing. This could…
8.1: Rip Poop Smoke Butt Hiney Hole - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Aug 13, 2014 • 51 min
Don’t think about the title of this episode. Instead, let it wash over you. Savor the music of the syllables. Mutter it to yourself as you go through your day. What dark truths does this phrase conceal? What can it tell us about ourselves, and the world…
7.2: Cook’s Illustrated is Decadent and Deranged - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Jul 21, 2014 • 76 min
The plague of airplanes continues unabated, and the fellows huddle indoors, where they are visited by an illustrator from a celebrated magazine. Music Credits: “Saeta: Pilatos por no dejar” by La Nina de los Peines “Infinite Mammalia” by The Polish…
7.1: What Is The Deal With Airplanes - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Jul 7, 2014 • 35 min
Listeners will probably wonder why the fellows decided to record this episode on the tarmac of what sounds like the world’s busiest airport. They were actually just sitting in Brian’s yard as usual, as some sort of Lost or possibly X-Files situation was…
6.2: Three Terrible Tenors - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Jun 16, 2014 • 69 min
All eleven of our listeners know that the second parts of these episodes tend to come apart a bit. Generally the boys have cracked a second sixer, and there’s a lot of giggling, snorting, and dick jokes. Well, this hour of content is no exception. There…
6.1: All for Dan, Dan For Love - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Jun 2, 2014 • 55 min
Good news, America: scheduling conflicts and personal issues have been abolished, and the fire hose of premium, gratis content is once again spraying into the faces of the listening public. In this episode, Dan proposes a theme song, and a motto, which…
A Very Special Episode: What A Fed We Have in Fed - Dan Wakes Up Screaming: The Podcast
Apr 29, 2014 • 24 min
Federico Garduno was married recently, and Dan, who is prone to fits of sentimentality, marked the occasion by putting together a Very Special Episode as a tribute to his friend of many years. Brian was enraged, and submitted his own anti-Fed podcast, a…