#Millennial

#Millennial

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The hashtag makes us cool… Right?
#5x02: No Cheese For You
Jan 15 • 83 min
* It’s 2019, but we peaked in 2009 so don’t expect us to participate in your 2009 vs 2019 selfie challenge. * Laura and Pam detail their weekend drama of cheese fries and Bachelor viewing parties. * This week’s $10 Patron guest is Shania, who is gracious…
#5x01: Bubble Butt
Jan 8 • 103 min
* We’re back for SEASON 5! (Sorry Andrew.) * We recount our NYE experiences: little brothers, poopy plungers, and dogs shoving things into toilets. It gets weird. * Announcing our new Patreon 2019 benefits: Face to Face hangouts, BREAKING NEWS, LANDY…
#4x48: Star Struck
Dec 18, 2018 • 68 min
* The #Millennial holiday spectacular is here! We’re live, on camera, and drinking! Patrons can watch video of our entire recording here. * Our $5 and $10 Patrons gained access to a new benefit: an exclusive #Millennial Discord channel where you can chat…
#4x47: Seasoned
Dec 11, 2018 • 64 min
* We’re gearing up for the holidays! Andrew and Pat are baking cookies, Laura is nearly getting murdered by repairmen, and the deadline to sign up for healthcare is December 15th! * Listeners sound off: reactions to last week’s CRISPR discussion and a…
#4x46: Fake It Til You OmgWait
Dec 4, 2018 • 68 min
* We’re back this week with guest Jared, who works for a probation and parole department. Will we get through the episode without bring thrown in the clink? * Jared schools us on the importance of criminal justice reform, as well as the other areas our…
#4x45: Satan Wins
Nov 27, 2018 • 61 min
* Turkey hangover has passed, the world is still on fire, and #Millennial is back! * What did we do when we were off-air the last two weeks? Partied like fucking rockstars, that’s what. * Jk, we all saw Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Weak Screenplays. *…
#4x44: Confused
Nov 13, 2018 • 84 min
* We’re joined by Rachel Ritlop, the owner of The Confused Millennial website and podcast! * California has had a terrible week — Pam and Andrew have stories relating to the Thousand Oaks shooting and the horrific fires * Midterm update: The Blue Wave’s…
#4x43: Blue… Something
Nov 8, 2018 • 72 min
* Welcome to the 2018 midterms, which will never ever #%$&ing end. * Light up a fat one in honor of the nation’s most reviled Keebler Elf, Jeff Sessions. * Podcast friends! Check out the podcast Other People’s Lives for the inside scoop on being a…
11 Minute #Millennial: Special Election Day Episode
Nov 6, 2018 • 12 min
It’s Election Day in the United States, so we’ve created a special episode of #Millennial that is as long as the average wait time at the polls. Enjoy 11 minutes of fun, tears, and WTFness.
#4x42: VOTE
Oct 31, 2018 • 76 min
* Pam and Andrew watched the LONG World Series, while Laura got heckled by a weirdo neighbor. * We create a special 11 minute #Millennial minisode for when you wait in line to vote. * Announcing the new $1 Patreon supporter tier - DTF! Come on, aren’t we…
#4x41: Chicago Gangbang
Oct 23, 2018 • 77 min
- Listener Josh joins us on the show this week to talk Star Wars, Trump supporting relatives, and to make Andrew envious of his silky radio voice. - Laura gives a review of Chicago, Hamilton, and a new definition of gang banging. - Researchers at Oxford…
#4x40: 23AndLookSeeImNativeAmerican
Oct 16, 2018 • 87 min
* Elizabeth Warren, like many white people before her, is cleaving to trace amounts of Native American ancestry in her DNA results. Which brings us to the point of who gives a fuck? * The Confessional requires some advice from the #Millennial love doctor…
#4x39: Dumblevers
Oct 9, 2018 • 76 min
* Want your first month of #Millennial bonus content for free? Confirm your voter registration status and we’ll happily oblige. [Click here](https://www.patreon.com/posts/21931362) for more details. * UPDATE: Fan Bingbang has been released - sadly, this…
#4x38: Kavanope
Oct 3, 2018 • 75 min
* Andrew’s feeling a love for Patagonia this fall, but appears to be the only brand whore on the panel * #Millennial PSA: If you know a white man being denied an opportunity because of his history as an abuser, keep him in your #thoughtsandprayers. *…
#4x37: So Sexy
Sep 25, 2018 • 71 min
* Live from the #Millennial Pulpit this week, we are joined by Alex, who is both a listener and a pastor. We’re shocked that such a good person listens to THIS show. * Offensive Halloween costumes are back in full force this year. What’s sexier than…
#4x36: En Garde
Sep 20, 2018 • 74 min
* Hurricanes, mushrooms, and homeowner woes abound in this week’s #Millennial. * The Emmys were a snooze fest for viewers and presenters alike. * Brett Kavanaugh gets the Anita Hill treatment: Dr. Christine Blasey Ford has come forward with allegations…
#4x35: All of the Dairy
Sep 13, 2018 • 83 min
* Pat is back with some big news: His fam won Best Cow at the county fair. #BumpkinLife * Shockingly, Pat was uninterested in dating Show Andrew but came around once he met Real Andrew. * Important Announcement: Andrew has hSv, not hPv. * Why the hell do…
#4x34: Red Panda Surprise
Sep 6, 2018 • 70 min
* Welcome to the (shit)show, Angel! * Do furries dress as red pandas? * BREAKING: A senior White House official wrote an anonymous op-ed for the New York Times confirming the Republic’s dumpster fire status. * 2018 Gift for $10 Patrons: a #Millennial…
#4x33: Pumpkin Spice Laura
Aug 28, 2018 • 89 min
* It’s a full show this week: remembering John McCain, a victory in Georgia, and [PSL is comin’ back baby](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEPjBsp0ZgQ)! * Actress and creator [Mariana Novak](http://www.instagram.com/itsmariananovak) joins us to talk…
#4x32: Uhhh
Aug 21, 2018 • 73 min
* This week, listener Kelsey joins the show to give us public speaking advice (gulp)! * Pam is back from Vegas with an explanation of how she met a Backstreet Boy and why she bought $20 avocado toast and thus will be unable to retire. * How to embrace the…
#4x31: Podcast Married
Aug 14, 2018 • 88 min
* One of our hosts spent $20 on avocado toast, so we fired her and warned that she’ll never be able to afford a home. * Marc sits in, promoting Andrew to ask a barrage of personal questions as one does. * Who’s getting guaranteed salaries, health…
#4x30: On The Road
Aug 7, 2018 • 77 min
* Welcome to the end of 420 jokes - it’s episode 4x30 maaaaaaan. * Welcome Roshni! This week, we kick off a new $10 Patron benefit where we’ll be bringing on listener guest hosts. * This week marks the 53rd anniversary of the Voting Rights Act. The best…
#4x29: James Gunt
Jul 31, 2018 • 87 min
* We chose avocado toast over paying the bills, but we still managed to return from our summer break as promised. * Where do we stand on Disney’s firing of James Gunn? How false equivalencies and absolutism have made this debate a frustrating one. *…
#4x28: From The Right
Jul 17, 2018 • 91 min
* On this week’s episode, we take a walk on the conservative side. Listener Parker joins us to talk hot button topics like immigration, funding, healthcare, and abortion. * If con is the opposite of pro, isn’t congress the opposite of progress? Several…
#4x27: Milkshake
Jul 10, 2018 • 74 min
* We’re joined this week by Andrew’s paramour, Pat! * Pat fills us in on that dairy farmer life: tariffs, and hormones, and nut juice, oh my! * Speaking of milk, the US delegation to the UN made waves this week when they went rogue and blocked a…
#4x26: Hillaryland
Jul 3, 2018 • 70 min
* Happy 4th of July! The US still has over 2,000 children in cages. * This week in more ‘America is fucked’ news, justice Anthony Kennedy resigns from the Supreme Court, leaving a second vacancy for Trump to fill. * Disney and Universal Studios are…
#4x25: Cannibisda
Jun 26, 2018 • 80 min
* Andrew and Pam kick off the show with a spoiler free review of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. * Speaking of fallen kingdoms, we provide this week’s update on the US border detention situation. Tl;dr: 2,300 children are still separated from their…
#4x24: Who [Thinks They’ll Be] A Millionaire?
Jun 19, 2018 • 67 min
* Welcome back, sycophants. * Marc rejoins us this week to tell us what nerds should be excited for after E3. (The answer is ALWAYS Pokémon, duh.) * Just in case you missed it… * THE US GOVERNMENT IS PUTTING CHILDREN IN CAGES * THE US GOVERNMENT IS…
#4x23: A Quarter’s The Charm
Jun 12, 2018 • 86 min
* Who did it better? IHOP marketing their “name change” to “IHOB,” or Agent Orange marketing his summit with Little Rocket Man? All this in this week’s #Millennial and much more! * We call Kate, a Canadian listener who schools us in provincial politics…
#4x22: Happy Pride
Jun 5, 2018 • 96 min
* Happy June, Happy Pride! * We welcome Dr. Sarah Steelman to the show to discuss her research on same-gender pairings and degrees of “outness.” * Sarah informs us on a number of topics, including queer theory, the Matrix of Intelligibility, and the…
#4x21: Marcah
May 29, 2018 • 91 min
* “Bless me #Millennial for I have sinned. It has been 3 days and 12 hours since the last time I threw my garbage on a movie theater floor.” - Andrew * Marc (aka Micah?) joins us and gives us his E3 predictions. He and Andrew plan to get E-rect. * We…
#4x20: Worse Than War
May 22, 2018 • 76 min
* Welcome back to #Millennial! it’s 4x20 maaaaaaaaaaan. * We kick off the show with a new segment, #MilleniHelp. With almost a third of the US population not putting away enough for retirement, what are we doing to save? Patrons sound off and share some…
#4x19: Trivia Night
May 15, 2018 • 71 min
* “Happy Mother’s Day to everyone! I don’t want to see any more pictures of your mom!” – Andrew * Please [take this survey](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSde8TylR6XH4s6SYPXK3IB9Oi9avBK2sE_PWrLxARUoHv2ldQ/viewform) so we can help create the best…
#4x18: Love At First Poke
May 8, 2018 • 77 min
* #Millennial is back for another packed episode, and Hawaii is turning into Mount Doom! * Is Roe vs. Wade in trouble, and is the anti-choice argument really about the sanctity of life? (Spoiler: Nope.) * Love at first poke: Facebook is trying to clean up…
#4x17: Smokey Eye
May 1, 2018 • 69 min
* North and South Korea: are they or aren’t they? * Speaking of couples who deserve each other, T-Mobile and Sprint are creating one network to rule them all (with shitty reception). * Michelle Wolf was savage at the White House Correspondents’ dinner,…
#4x16: BFF or BBF?
Apr 27, 2018 • 74 min
* Uncle Andrew lets us peek behind the curtain of MuggleCast headquarters. * Let’s play a LoveGame, a LoveGame: Laura battles to the death to retain her BFF status, and things get heated. * America’s Dad is going to prison and we try to figure out what…
#4x15: Better Call Cohen
Apr 17, 2018 • 78 min
* Is there even a 1% chance our boyfriends think we have a pee tape? Find out live, just like we do. * This message brought to you by grad school: fuckin everyone over, one podcast at a time. * We dig into an explosive news week with a discussion — and a…
#4x14: Dirty Dancers
Apr 10, 2018 • 65 min
* Laura introduces us to her slampiece and Andrew is erect. * The Number takes on a decidedly ominous tone. * Hawaii puts itself on the short list of states that allow medically assisted suicide. There are worse ways to go. * A Chicago suburb bans assault…
#4x13: Self Driving, Self Care
Apr 3, 2018 • 79 min
* A warm welcome to Zach, who brings a touch of sincerity and thoughtfulness to the episode. * Fuel efficiency standards are being rolled back and we fuckin rampage. * Uber fucks up bigly as one of its self-driving cars self-drives its dumb ass into a…
#4x12: A Stormy Spanking
Mar 27, 2018 • 79 min
* A Stormy’s comin, ‘Arry. And you best be ready when she does. * The Journal of Sex Research has released a comprehensive list of reasons (and remedies) for dead bedrooms in long-term relationships. We’re fascinated. * Cambridge Analytica: What. The…
#4x11: People Are Stupid
Mar 20, 2018 • 62 min
* The new intro is here! RIP Matt, you’ll live on in our earbuds. * The Stormy Daniels saga is about to be put on steroids by a new interview. * From bikes to trains to video games, it’s the biggest toy store to ever go out of business! Gee whiz! * A big…
#4x10: Long Distance BFFs
Mar 13, 2018 • 70 min
* RIP Andrew. The show assumes its final form as the girls take over. * We vouch for the wholesomeness of a long lost host. * “North Korea meeting? What North Korea meeting?” -The White House, probably. * Martin Shkreli, the asswipe who raised lifesaving…
#4x09: Ha Ha Ha
Mar 9, 2018 • 69 min
* Hidden from the Headlines: a new and troubling trend of governors refusing to hold special elections when they fear their party might be on the losing end. This is NOT what democracy looks like. * Alexa users are reporting that the AI will laugh…
#4x08: Our Dungeon Master
Feb 27, 2018 • 79 min
* A tapestry of photographs flash before the screen. The collage ends on a glowing photo of Matt, smiling, looking serene atop a mountain of clouds. We feel his presence even as the picture fades to white. His voice echoes softly: “How’s my butthole look…
#4x07: HomoHomeowner
Feb 20, 2018 • 70 min
* Black Panther is a crazy good success story. One might say… almost too successful. * It’s happening. Slowly, but surely. Mueller’s investigation is inching closer to conclusion, starting with the fuckwads who dared to interfere with the oldest…
#4x06: I Love You
Feb 13, 2018 • 67 min
* Time for a feel trip. We wish Matt the worst of luck, and hope he falls flat on his face. * “LOOK AT ME. I’M THE POACHER NOW.” -Lions * Omarosa returns to her reality television roots and immediately starts dropping bombs and freaking us the fuck out. *…
#4x05: Lady Doritos
Feb 6, 2018 • 64 min
* The Eagles win the Superbowl and MLK rolls over in his grave. * Memo Schmemo. Who needs the FBI anyway?! Lolz * Stop trying to make the Olympics happen. They’re not going to happen. * The Larry Nassar case gets heated and the #MeToo movement proves…
#4x04: nOprah
Feb 1, 2018 • 63 min
* Andrew recalls a horrific dream he had recently. ~What does it mean??~ * We share our thoughts on Trump’s SOTU.. the parts we watched, anyway. * Oprah has announced she’s not running for President. That’s a big win for the Dems. * Fantastic Beasts: The…
#4x03: Step At A Time
Jan 23, 2018 • 59 min
-The government shitdown unfolds as we speak, and we all pray that pinky promises are legally binding. -An Irish woman finds love in the arms of her new husband: the 300 year old ghost of a Haitian pirate. WTF News is back! -#FakeNews NASA says our solar…
#4x02: Mountains, Gandalf
Jan 16, 2018 • 80 min
-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream, and we are it. Let’s act like it. -MOUNTAINS, GANDALF!!! takes on a decidedly different meaning. -President Trump refers to particular, mostly people of color-populated countries as “shitholes,” and the veneer of…
#4x01: Nurse Maura
Jan 9, 2018 • 60 min
* Welcome back! It’s officially season 4. Time to jump the shark and disintegrate into a heap of failure. * Highlights from our break include a Rated R coffee mug, a tropical trip from hell, and an acute injury to one of our boyfriends. Merry Christmas. *…
#3x47: The Good Things in 2017
Dec 19, 2017 • 65 min
-Happy birthday to the heart and soul of this show, our dear Laura. Champion of the downtrodden. Warrior for the underrepresented. Purveyor of the sex. -We finally unwrap our Secret Santas and find out WTF is in Laura’s giant box. -Surprise, bitch! takes…
#3x46: The Last Gay Cake
Dec 12, 2017 • 72 min
-The Force is strong with us as we get hyped THE FUCK UP for Star Wars: The Last Jedi. -Surprise, bitch! takes us to Florida, where grandparents and presidential campaigns go to die. -Transgender military recruits are shown the respect they deserve by our…
#3x45: A Merry Mueller Christmas
Dec 5, 2017 • 69 min
- We kick off with a graphic update on our Thanksgiving sex lives. #blessed - Surprise again, bitch! welcomes back a sly motherfucker who somehow figured out how to con the system. - It’s beginning to look a lot like a merry Mueller Christmas. - Royal…
#3x44: Surprise
Nov 28, 2017 • 65 min
- We’re back from break and recap our — Thank God — smooth Thanksgivings with the family. This discussion prompts some memories of our closeted pasts. - Dictionary.com reveals their Word of the Year, and it’s a word that isn’t in Trump’s vocabulary. - It…
#3x43: Lord Of The Amazon
Nov 15, 2017 • 58 min
Australians show us how voting is done. Congrats to the LGBTQ community down under! Literal. Fucking. Nazis. show up to protest in favor of a “white Europe” — 60,000 of them, to be exact, because fuck this whole year. Want to stop your nudes from being…
#3x42: Benched
Nov 7, 2017 • 78 min
We say goodbye to Kevin Spacey as he says goodbye to his career. The stomach-turning shooting in Texas has us grieving yet again. But we have reason to hope. Popular conservative Twitter accounts, like @Jenna_Abrams, have been outed as #FAKE. They were…
#3x41: Enlightful
Oct 31, 2017 • 65 min
Kevin Spacey fucks up bigly. (Since recording, HOC has now halted production) November 1st: be there, or be stuck with whatever health coverage you currently have. New voicemails prove that regret is a universal feeling. News kicks off with #MuellerMonday…
#3x40: Cool As A Cucumber
Oct 24, 2017 • 79 min
Andrew goes full fuckin fanboi, Laura signs up for NaNoWriMo, and we all warn against the dangers of cucumbers. PSA: FOOD DOES NOT BELONG IN YA SNATCH Surprise, bitch! takes us to the scorching hellfire that is SoCal. The Distraction Game: a new and…
#3x39: Founding Daddies
Oct 17, 2017 • 72 min
Take a step back into time in lovely Pennsylvania, where sewing machines and malt shakes still = viable business model. Oh and btw 3 million Americans in Puerto Rico still don’t have power or water. California goes full Captain Planet on puppy mills. STOP…
#3x38: Bump Potato
Oct 11, 2017 • 64 min
Welcome to a special edition of The LANDY Show. Our other two bitches have lives, and we have podcasts, so who’s the real winner? Rape culture is insidious and present at all levels of of culture. WHO KNEW? (Harvey Weinstein sure did.) Every year is en…
#3x37: Docket Delight
Oct 4, 2017 • 61 min
Our hearts ache for Las Vegas right now. And we would send them our thoughts and prayers, but thoughts and prayers are worth approximately nothing. We need gun control. Now. Help us, Justice Kennedy— you’re our only hope. The Supreme Court just heard oral…
#3x36: FYI Puerto Ricans Are U.S. Citizens
Sep 29, 2017 • 67 min
Andrew witnesses casual sexism up close and personal in a hotel elevator. Ruh roh. Surprise, bitch! digs into the uncomfortable dynamic between family, politics and Facebook. #triggered America’s predominant religion, football, comes under attack by…
#3x35: Rocket Man [Repost]
Sep 21, 2017 • 66 min
With two more natural disasters this week, Andrew predicts The Big One is finally upon Los Angeles. West Coast Patrons: Please make sure your credit cards are up to date. Surprise, Bitch: Detroit ain’t so bad after all. A Canadian confesses that she’s…
#3x34: So Fresh, So Clean
Sep 14, 2017 • 75 min
Introducing… the LANDY Show! Happy birthday to our favorite national tragedy. Where were you when Matt turned 16? Surprise, bitch! Can… can you hear us? We lament the end of the summer and all that makes life worth living. u say wot m8? this iphone is a…
#3x33: Surprise, Everyone
Sep 8, 2017 • 64 min
-FUCK IT. WE’L DO IT LIVE. But seriously we’re doing this live, buckle up. -We’ve completely revamped our Patreon benefits so that they’re simpler, but better, than ever before. Example: personalized, handwritten letters from one of the hosts are coming…
#3x32: Ladies Night
Aug 30, 2017 • 68 min
It’s ladies night! And the girls outline a newly-revamped Patreon. MuggleFuck: A History. Coming to a theater near you. Hurricane Harvey breaks records as the largest and most intense hurricane in Texas history. We discuss the ramifications and encourage…
#3x31: He Was Blinded
Aug 24, 2017 • 88 min
BLIIIIIINDED BY THE LIGHT, wrapped up like a douche you know the rumor is you’re tight. (Nailed it.) BANNON. IS. OUT! But T-Swift is about to be back in. Bigly. Remember that place “Afghanistan”? Where we’ve been at war for 16 years? Yeah, that’s still…
#3x30: Not Silent
Aug 17, 2017 • 78 min
“In the end, we will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” -Martin Luther King Jr. imparted wisdom that still speaks to us today. So let’s not stay silent. Charlottesville, Virginia was a repugnant display of violent…
#3x29: Repent
Aug 10, 2017 • 67 min
Who the hell gets married over Facetime? After only dating for 3 weeks? Well, let us tell you. It’s the end of the world as we know it, and we feel like it’s a good time to cleanse our souls. We discuss rising tensions with North Korea and take a BUNCH of…
#3x28: OUT!
Aug 4, 2017 • 79 min
Pay for Bae: how should couples split things like dates and bills? Is it okay for that dynamic to be lopsided? How are trends (and gender norms) affecting this discussion? AP Choice asks us how to start a new podcast. We have literally no good advice. And…
#3x27: Nine
Jul 28, 2017 • 70 min
Hey what’s going on guys? Anything new? Been a pretty slow news week? NOT. But first, listener feedback spends some time sucking Laura’s dick. Trump announces… via tweet… a ban on transgender troops. #FUCK. #YOU. What’s worse: Trump shitting on Sessions,…
#3x26: United
Jul 21, 2017 • 54 min
ANDREW. MEETS. KYLE!!! And the crowd roars. (See photo below) Ten years after the release of Deathly Hallows, Laura reflects on her life choice. Andrew airs those life choices for all to see on Patreon. MySpace struggles with a serious security flaw that…
#3x25: Covfefe Party
Jul 14, 2017 • 57 min
- America is all “ain’t no party like a covfefe party cause the covfefe party don’t stop” or some shit like that. - The found footage nightmare of our favorite haunted house is coming soon to a Patreon near you. - Donald Trump Jr, the little engine that…
#3x24: Safe, Not Sexy
Jul 6, 2017 • 83 min
* We’re live streaming the episode on Patreon! Throughout the episode our supporters chat with us. * The next iPhone will be getting rid of the fingerprint scanner. We wonder what this experience will be like for those of us with double or triple chins. *…
#3x23: Daily Mix 1
Jun 29, 2017 • 67 min
Patrons are in for some sleepless nights next week. Brace yourselves for a ghost tour. Voicemails makes a triumphant return with a hilarious drunk message for the hosts. “3 kisses are demanded upon entry of the abode, whether morning or night, on pain of…
#3x22: Bobby Newport
Jun 21, 2017 • 80 min
Introducing: #Millennial voicemails. A way for you to harass us and an even better way for us to laugh at you. Not in my house: liberals get a’ talkin’ to for some blatant, disturbing hypocrisy that’s run roughshod over the Otto Warmbier story. Justice is…
#3x21: Theresa Mayyyyyybe I Shouldn’t Have Done That
Jun 14, 2017 • 80 min
Breaking personal, family-related news sends the hosts into shock… and pride. The Confessional asks for advice on a Friends With Benefits situation. Step one: don’t live with your ex’s family. Sometimes we should worry about what’s NOT making headlines.…
#3x20: We’re Still In
Jun 7, 2017 • 76 min
Women and girls across the globe shout COME AT ME BRO into the night, emboldened by the power and mystique of Wonder Woman. Associate Producer’s Choice - topics submitted by our rockin’ sockin’ $10 Patrons - gets goofy. #EatEverything “I’m here to…
#3x19: Growin’ Up
May 23, 2017 • 59 min
Happy birthday to our own Founding Father, Andrew Simsjefferson, without whom none of us would be here. (He is our literal dad.) Getting an IUD is like entering the Gates of Hell and your doctor is Lucifer. We start news off on a serious note, as reports…
#3x18: Slow News Week
May 18, 2017 • 53 min
What’s been going on this week, guys? Nothing? Yeah, same here. EXCEPT WHAT THE FUCK. Someone at the FBI leaks a memo former Director James Comey wrote wherein he describes Trump pressuring him to drop his investigation - meanwhile, President Fuhrer tells…
#3x17: Loyalty
May 13, 2017 • 64 min
- Andrew, Laura, and Matt recap their recent adventures: Andy’s back on the east coast, Laura is about to own a home, and Matt’s saying bye to his parents. All of this is good news, it seems. - Andrew extends his in-person interactions with #Millennial…
#3x16: Why Civil War?
May 5, 2017 • 56 min
Goodbye, Andrew. Hello, Fuher Laura. YOU get manipulated! *YOU* get manipulated! EVERYONE. GETS. MANIPULATED!!! -Oprah if she worked for Facebook. Why was there a Civil War? What was slavery? Is the sky blue? What’s even, like, REAL, man? President Trump…
#3x15: DO IT LIVE!!!
Apr 25, 2017 • 61 min
Et tu, Brute? Laura betrays the sisterhood and someone gets salty AF. 13 Reasons Why Not to Watch This Show, and the Unicorn Frapp: a monster of our own design. THERE’S NO WORDS ON IT. FUCKIN THING SUCKS. -Bill O’Reilly, or #Millennial listeners? Bye boi!…
#3x14: Seize The Moment
Apr 18, 2017 • 57 min
Welcome to #Millennial where the hosts are all in the midst of quarter life crises. In Hashing It Out: Andrew is picking up and moving across the country. Things he doesn’t have space for: standing desks and his dog. Laura is buying a money pit. Matt is…
#3x13: Coming Clean
Apr 12, 2017 • 74 min
An update to ButtGate: someone is forced to tell their boyfriend the truth. “I’m just going to gently spread your labia,” said the stranger named Gale. And we let them. The Confessional asks us about vomit and blowjobs, two themes that go together like…
#3x12: The Power of Pepsi
Apr 6, 2017 • 70 min
The prodigal son returns: welcome back, Matthew. The city of Atlanta has decided to become a literal dumpster fire; meanwhile, the DC dumpster fire rages on as Steve Bannon is yanked from his NSC post - by none other than the Trumpster himself. Andrew…
#3x11: Girthy Man Snake
Mar 28, 2017 • 68 min
United Airlines: Fly the Unfriendly Skies. Three women - including a 10 year old girl - are kicked off a United flight for wearing leggings. Yes. Seriously. Hidden from the Headlines takes us to Brazil, where we say goodbye to the Amazon rainforest and…
#3x10: Fwd: Andrew Wants British Penis
Mar 20, 2017 • 71 min
#Millennial comes back from Spring Break with a bang. And a lot of embarrassment for Andrew. Speaking of our star host: 80 years later, Andrew finally went to the dentist. What sordid diseases did they find? Fwd: Andrew likes British penis - the title of…
#3x09: Public Space
Mar 2, 2017 • 62 min
​Rabbit rabbit ya’ll! Whatever the fuck that means. Andrew reveals his deep jealousy of the girls’ friendship. We welcome Ian and Zee to the show to discuss last episode’s Confessional from a self-described transphobic listener. They open up about their…
#3x08: TS (No) A
Feb 22, 2017 • 96 min
To anal, or not to anal? What you’ve all been waiting for: the answers to what happened in Aruba. Columbia University accepts, then unaccepts, 277 applicants. In related news: 277 teenagers are spared the trauma of attending Columbia. Should food stamps…
#3x07: Shades of Single
Feb 14, 2017 • 75 min
1/4 of our panel is celebrating Valentine’s Day in Aruba, so the rest of us are here to talk shit on her. We’re not jealous or anything. The Grammy’s were just asking for #GrammysSoWhite to trend, and they lived down to expectations. Something something…
#3x06: That’s My Boy
Feb 7, 2017 • 57 min
There may be big changes coming for one of us over Valentine’s Day. Stay tuned. Listener feedback takes a dump on Andrew and weaves a tale of panties and bushes. We guarantee we’re the only podcast that will go from anal to the Constitution. #blessed…
#3x05: Long Distance Lovin’
Feb 3, 2017 • 76 min
In Good News, the Boy Scouts are now cool with transgendered youth joining their organization. Hollywood no longer hates Mel Gibson, which is SAD! Will Facebook’s latest News Feed changes have a positive effect on curbing fake news? Our $10 Patron offer a…
#3x04: Alternate Facts
Jan 25, 2017 • 76 min
With Andrew missing in action, we decide to display some of our own #alternatefacts. Tourists. Good for the economy. Bad for literally everything else. Listener Feedback asks for our advice on how to handle Trump-loving relatives and traveling alone. We…
#3x03: Lit
Jan 21, 2017 • 70 min
Note: This episode was recorded before the Presidential Inauguration. The Women’s Marches are going to be YUGE. Trump’s inauguration probably won’t. AP Choice makes a comeback with questions about credit scores on dating sites, how to make a difference in…
#3x02: SimSeed
Jan 13, 2017 • 66 min
We reminisce on our favorite Obama qualities and the changes he’s enacted over the past 8 years. Surprise, bitch! goes terribly awry because of fucking course it does. We welcome Kid Rock to the show. In this week’s After Dark: We planned a real…
#3x01: Third Time’s The Charm
Jan 8, 2017 • 68 min
Welcome to 2017. Welcome to season 3. Please manage your expectations for both. Happy New Year, sycophants. Two truths, one lie reveals which of us is the loser that stayed home and got drunk with her dad. Wikishits announces their descent into the 6th…
#2x47: Farm Girls Have Great Calves
Dec 18, 2016 • 67 min
In our last show of the year, we streamed LIVE for Patrons and welcomed back a long-lost host. Happy birthday, Laura. We hope this embarrasses you, Laura. News jumps off with a report from Aleppo, Syria, where thousands of unarmed civilians have been…
#2x46: Amazon Go-ing To Kill Jobs
Dec 7, 2016 • 54 min
In our penultimate “fuck this year” episode, all of our hosts return! Except the other chick “Welcome to the jungle, we got fun and games - we got volcanoes exploding.. right in your face.” The Hamilton Mixtape is now available on Spotify! (Or for…
#2x45: Won’t Let Go
Nov 30, 2016 • 73 min
It’s the Andrew and Matt show on this week’s #Millennial, so we’re doing things a little differently! * Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday: We recap these four… uh… holidays. * Updates: The New York Times has seen some major growth…
#2x44: Beautiful Disaster
Nov 23, 2016 • 75 min
Buckle up, minions: we’re so deep in the Dumpster Fire the theme music is no longer audible. * What are we thankful for? Nothing (except Bruce Springsteen). * Trump was shocked to learn that the leader of the free world tends to live in the nation’s…
#2x43: Beauty and the Fantastic Beasts
Nov 15, 2016 • 69 min
Well, we’re back from our election trip, and everything is terrible. But we’re kicking this episode off with a soothing meditation session to help you ugly cry those election woes out. Speaking of the election, we’re taking a break from politics this…
#2x42: President Elect
Nov 9, 2016 • 30 min
We’re sad y’all. What does this mean for the future of the country? We offer our early reactions and how to cope with such a devastating vote. In the next episode we’ll discuss the GOOD parts of hanging out together!
#2x41: Duel Of The Fates
Nov 2, 2016 • 70 min
Halloween was an identity crisis for one of us, who faced the toughest Harry Potter quiz of her life. We’ve got 99 problems and Anthony Weiner is literally all of them. Dumpster Fire: The Penultimate Edition questions how one man’s dick can exert so much…
#2x40: The Selfie Felony
Oct 26, 2016 • 55 min
#Millennial reporting live from the end of the Republic, with only two more weeks left before the next - and depending on how it goes, maybe the last - presidential election. -Is Wonder Woman an empowering role model for girls worldwide, or just…
#2x39: Perfect Illusion
Oct 20, 2016 • 78 min
* Welcome back to the show, Pam! * Note: This episode was recorded BEFORE the debate. This week’s After Dark will have our thoughts on the third and final brawl! * Shit is real now in the fight against ISIS. We discuss the Battle for Mosul. * Andrew tries…
#2x38: Everything
Oct 11, 2016 • 65 min
Haiti’s death toll from Hurricane Matthew has soared past 900 — and thousands more are suffering from the rapid spread of cholera. Donate whatever you can spare to Unicef’s Haiti mission or Hope for Haiti. “BREAKING NEWS: DONALD TRUMP SHOCKS WORLD,…
#2x37: Wanna Get Pregnant?
Oct 6, 2016 • 75 min
Andrew met Bruce Springsteen and died from exposure. RIP. But he’ll be resurrected in time for election night - where we’ll all be hanging out in D.C. to watch the results roll in. Think you might want to join? Let us know here. BREAKING NEWS: Using…
#2x36: Laura’s Son
Sep 30, 2016 • 71 min
Americans: You’re running out of time to register to vote. Get on that NOW if you haven’t already! Shout out to our friend Sarah at the HP-Alliance - their most recent campaign is called Wizard Rock the Vote, and its endeavor is to register new voters and…
#2x35: Lucky Seven
Sep 21, 2016 • 58 min
* The FBI director says it’s a good idea to cover up your camera. * Pumpkin Spice EVERYTHING is back. And Laura confesses to being a white girl. * In Dumpster Fire 2016, we discuss a Bush’s vote for Hillary, Trump using charity money to settle legal…
#2x34: Overheatin’ Hillary
Sep 14, 2016 • 58 min
Some MVP listeners ask Andrew why he thinks “a hole is a hole.” Andrew digs his grave deeper. HAPPY 9/11 MATT!!! The birthday boy reminds us two national tragedies were born that day. Dumpster Fire 2016: Deplorable Lives Matter. Overheatin’ Hillary. Real…
#2x33: Taco Emissions
Sep 7, 2016 • 59 min
Andrew isn’t here, so we answer all your burning questions about him. Warner Bros’ legendary failure of the week has us asking: if company slogans were 100% honest, what would they be? This week in science: antibacterials don’t work, and neither do your…
#2x32: McChicken
Sep 1, 2016 • 52 min
Bienvenido a Jacob, nuestro último ganador del Boleto de Oro! We bring a little culture to the show with a story from Mexico. But we don’t steep in our newfound intellectualism for long. Mayo or man juice? Trick question: both. Surprise, bitch! takes us…
#2x31: Mook Me
Aug 25, 2016 • 75 min
It’s Britney, bitch. Burning to ashes in this week’s Dumpster Fire: the GOP-black community relationship. Then again, what do they have to lose? Clinton’s hashtag!emails are back in the news cycle with more expected to be leaked just in time for election…
#2x30: His Own Worst Enemy
Aug 17, 2016 • 70 min
Golden ticket winner Claire toughs out a packed show about Trump’s downward spiral. But first: Bucket Lists: what’s on ours, and why do they all entail the same thing. Trumpster Fire 2016: further and further down the rabbit hole we go. The Donald doubles…
#2x29: Hear Hear
Aug 10, 2016 • 66 min
Golden ticket winner #2 hails from Australia and brings her pet wallaby onto the show! Not really, but you fucking believed it for a second. Team USA is dominating the Olympics right now, so when the GOP completes our country’s transformation into a…
#2x28: Dissing The Baby
Aug 3, 2016 • 70 min
​This week’s episode welcomes guest host Zach to the program, because Zach was unlucky enough to win a Golden Ticket from our t-shirt sales. Sorry Zach. Andrew realizes the fate of his sister’s marriage is in his hands. Surprise, Bitch! takes us to…
#2x27: Fill That Core
Jul 27, 2016 • 77 min
​This week’s episode of #Millennial will just be Michelle Obama’s DNC speech on an eternal loop. Thank you and goodnight. Harry Potter and the Cursed Fan Fiction comes out this weekend - only one of us defends its honor.​ Dumpster Fire 2016 takes aim at…
#2x26: Anyone Can Ride Andrew
Jul 19, 2016 • 81 min
This episode brought to you by Monday Afternoon: a great time to record if you want to make your convention coverage as dated as possible. ​The night is always darkest before the dawn, and this week, “the dawn” is Roger Ailes ​getting thrown out of Fox…
#2x25: GO-ing Nowhere
Jul 12, 2016 • 73 min
​Bitch we’re back. By popular demand. Brave new world: a lot has changed in two short weeks and we’re still working to process it. Dumpster Fire 2016 is upon us, and #Millennial has some live Google hangouts planned for the upcoming conventions. All bones…
#2x24: What’s Your Status?
Jun 22, 2016 • 66 min
It’s our last show before a two week summer break, so eat it up sycophants. Andrew is, officially, an Uber driver. Welcome to the jungle. The Department of Justice is editing the Orlando shooter’s 911 transcripts — is this what everyone means by “PC…
#2x23: Orlando
Jun 15, 2016 • 105 min
- A major tragedy in the United States calls for a special episode of #Millennial. We discuss the horrific Orlando shooting in-depth. - The facts as we know them so far. - What issues were at play? And what aspects are standing out this time? -…
#2x22: Director Despot
Jun 8, 2016 • 67 min
​Andrew survives his flight across the Atlantic, eliminating any hopes we had of being on CNN. ​Primary season sings its swan song as California and five other states go to the ballot box. If I call Laura an ill-begotten slag, is that hate speech, or…
#2x21: Welcome, Summer
Jun 1, 2016 • 69 min
Trash ass alcohol. Melancholy music. Gays. Welcome, summer. ​Two new confessions ask for our advice about coming out of the closet and online dating, and we handle the quandaries with the grace of a lemming. This week in uplifting news: Johnny Depp turns…
#2x20: Simming
May 26, 2016 • 78 min
Celebrate Andrew’s birthday with us and a Dunkin Donuts near you. Golden Ticket winners won’t get a lifetime supply of chocolate, but they will get a lifetime supply of embarrassment. News summons the spirit of Alex Trebek in a Jeopardy-style rundown of…
#2x19: Detached
May 20, 2016 • 66 min
If a host turns her hair green, but no one sees it, does it still make a sound? A new oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is trashing shit up — and no one even knew it was happening until a random helicopter pilot was like, oh look, a rotting ecosystem.…
#2x18: Our Watch Begins
May 11, 2016 • 65 min
* Performers who don’t show up on time SUCK. * Obama hates how the media is covering Trump, but loves bison. * The Political Minute: Goodbye Kasich, hello President Trump. Goodbye endorsements from past Presidents, hello Nickelback. * Facebook has…
#2x17: Cruz’n For A Bruisin’
May 4, 2016 • 59 min
The Podcast Where It Happens celebrates Hamilton’s slew of Tony nominations! Too bad we’ll never see it live. Andrew plugs the new Hypable, but if you’re like Micah you won’t be visiting it. We offer a few dramatic readings from Fuck Off, Cupid, and…
#2x16: To Bey Or Not To Bey
Apr 27, 2016 • 65 min
Stop doing things, people. We can’t keep up with all this shit. Harriet Tubman was a baller way before she was a $20. “Can you move to the right a bit, I need a clear shot of this for my blog.” -Andrew, having a threesome with his new Uber passengers.…
#2x15: Below Average
Apr 20, 2016 • 61 min
Andrew returns from last week’s stint in prison to find his world has collapsed. “I’ve got transparent pandering in my bag. Swag.” -Hillary Clinton News kicks off with a brand new study that reveals either we’re all morons, or the study’s authors are. New…
#2x14: Dragon My Balls
Apr 13, 2016 • 69 min
Fuck Off, Cupid: introducing a new segment for singles, by singles. Best and worst experiences, lessons learned, and real online dating interactions — submitted by you, dramatically read by us. Visit fuckoffcupid.com to get in on the action. Can you tell…
#2x13: Buddy
Apr 6, 2016 • 71 min
Andrew talks about visiting the Grand Canyon and throws this show off the rails 3 minutes in. Hidden from the Headlines gets our heads out of the U.S.’s ass and into a complicated international conflict. Look at us being all worldly and shit. “To sex, or…
#2x12: Candy Wrapper
Mar 30, 2016 • 54 min
Welcome back, sycophants. • We’re joined this week by comedian Liz Magee for our first “Ask Me Anything” style interview! Check her out on Twitter: @JokesMagee • Our LOTR movie commentary is coming on April 11th. The eagles are coming! • Quickfire News…
#2x11: Give Me Sad
Mar 23, 2016 • 55 min
- We begin with a message about recent, horrific attacks around the world. - Andrew has an issue with his upstairs neighbors he needs help on. This is war. - In Quickfire News, we tackle an update on the new $10 bill, Twitter controversies, Georgia’s…
#2x10: The Drop Bear Conspiracy
Mar 15, 2016 • 71 min
What does a year in space do to your body, besides deprive it of sex? Astronaut Scott Kelly holds the answers. Listener Feedback is best described as, “You’re all idiots,” but we know that, so at least there’s common ground. This week’s installment of…
#2x09: Problematic
Mar 9, 2016 • 63 min
​Our assholes are lubed up for your furious emails. But first: check out our band new #Millennial t-shirts, brought to you by the letter “p” — please clap. All shirts are $20 and come with one free month of Patreon! Existing Patrons get a sweet little…
#2x08: Super White
Mar 3, 2016 • 68 min
We’re back this week with a SUPER packed election episode. But first, Chris Rock took on the Academy for #OscarsSoWhite. Leo finally won an Oscar though, so… #progress? The #Millennial Confessional brings some exciting news, as well as questions about…
#2x07: Exceptional
Feb 24, 2016 • 85 min
If it looks like an asshole and talks like an asshole, it’s probably Sony. #FreeKesha gains some much-needed momentum as the embattled singer struggles to ditch a binding contract with her alleged rapist. Apple takes on the FBI in an epic David and…
#2x06: What Constitution?
Feb 17, 2016 • 67 min
Welcome back, sycophants, and enjoy this week’s dose of gluten-free headlines. Associate Producer’s Choice wants to know in what ways is the U.S. worse off because of Obama, or in spite of him. THE 8TH HARRY POTTER BOOK GUYS!!! IT’S HAPPENING!!! Except…
#2x05: Better Halves
Feb 10, 2016 • 78 min
​Episode 5 starts by revealing episode 4’s secrets, ideas for Valentine’s Day, and thoughts on the Super Bowl non-controversy controversy. ​News kicks off with questioning… the news. What makes New Hampshire’s primary important? Is it worth the media…
#2x04: Of Caucuses and Kings
Feb 3, 2016 • 64 min
Andrew humbles himself before God and man over last week’s poor audio quality. We forgive you, Andrew, but Jesus doesn’t. “Freedom” is spelled c-a-u-c-u-s if you’re an Iowan or clinically insane person. We jump right into the goods with an overview of…
#2x03: We’re Doomed, Part II
Jan 26, 2016 • 69 min
Note: There is an issue with Andrew’s voice on this recording that we were unable to correct. We apologize for the issue and promise it won’t happen again! Andrew was almost murdered by a serial killer last week, so this episode is brought to you by…
#2x02: Burn It Down
Jan 20, 2016 • 62 min
Andrew is gearing up for an awful storm in New York. Alan Rickman has passed away. It makes us wonder: How many people are hiding their cancer? And why? ­The Iowa caucus is getting close! We look at the frontrunners (lolTrump) and a Sarah Palin…
#2x01: But WHY?
Jan 13, 2016 • 72 min
Season 2 of #Millennial has arrived! - The four hosts survived their New Years celebrations (thanks in part to staying home), and one of us became a mage. What’s a mage? - Speaking of partying, someone in this episode is secretly drinking. Who is it? Take…
#46: Bath Bomb and Chill
Dec 23, 2015 • 100 min
It’s the end of the year and the end of our first season — so it’s time to celebrate! The hosts all have drinks to enjoy… but some couldn’t resist starting to drink before we hopped onto Google Hangouts. Uh oh. Star Wars: The Force Awakens has arrived,…
#45: #FreeLaura
Dec 15, 2015 • 59 min
DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUN DUUUUUN DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN!!! If you knew that was the Star Wars theme song, congratulations on reaching Level 10 Master Nerd status. Seriously, we’re PUMPED to be visiting a galaxy far, far away again, and the new Fantastic…
#44: Notorious MG
Dec 9, 2015 • 68 min
* As the season finale gets closer and closer, we get a little nostalgic and invite ex-host Micah to join us for a very Trump-filled episode. * The holiday season is about gift-giving (and nothing else) but sometimes it’s a little stressful to find the…
#43: Wake Up!
Dec 2, 2015 • 72 min
Are we still doing this? Yes? Okay. This week’s episode kicks off with a Secret Santa announcement that’s going to have all four of us at the top of this year’s Naughty List. Quickfire News takes us through the week’s most gripping headlines 2 minutes at…
#42: Clear Air
Nov 25, 2015 • 79 min
It’s a holiday week here in the United States, so the hosts are thinking less about ISIS and more about FUN in the 42nd edition of #Millennial. * Congratulations to our raffle winners who’ve won a free month of Patreon for supporting us on iTunes! * With…
#41: Vas Te Faire Encule, ISIS
Nov 18, 2015 • 68 min
To our French listeners and friends: we know you’ve heard so many condolences over the past week, so we hope ours don’t sound rote or insincere. We hope you believe us when we tell you that our hearts bleed for you. We were nauseated by the unconscionable…
#40: Hotline Bling
Nov 11, 2015 • 72 min
#Millennial turns 40 (weeks) in this mid-life crisis of an episode. Shooting the Shit opens the show with a new raffle opportunity for anyone who wants to leave an iTunes review and win a month of free Patreon. (After you’ve reviewed, enter here:…
#39: Chainsaws on a Plane
Nov 4, 2015 • 86 min
It’s an Andrew-less episode this week. Buckle up, this is gonna be a rough ride. Our friend John Thrasher joins us - check out his podcast, Currently! And in this week’s After Dark: A viral video of a school resource officer beating a teenage girl…
#38: The Cursed Bush
Oct 28, 2015 • 79 min
​Welcome back, sycophants. Episode 38 opens with a quick recap of the presidential election, wherein we bemoan the loss of both Joe Biden’s and (probably) Jeb Bush’s campaigns.​ Murdering toddlers: not as clear-cut of an issue as you might think. News…
#37: The Force Is Out
Oct 21, 2015 • 57 min
The new Star Wars movie is on the way, and Andrew reminds us all why it’s important to stick a light-saber up your butt. Also: ​Congratulations on your hot new Prime Minister, Canada! Speaking of elections, we recap last week’s Democratic debate and fight…