Welcome To Patchwork

Welcome To Patchwork

www.welcometopatchwork.com.au
Have you ever wondered if it’s acceptable to bring food to someone's house and take it back home if no one has eaten it? Christian, Dion and Josh are Welcome To Patchwork: An Australian comedy podcast that stares far too hard at everyday life.


Patreon Bonus Clip - Should TV Settings Be Touched?
May 16 • 10 min
Missing us during the break? Well, Christian, Dion and Josh are giving you a window into the world of becoming a Patron. For as little as $2 a month you could get access to a clip like this every second week. This time they discuss how to efficiently and…
#45 - Season 3 Retrospective (Part 2)
Apr 30 • 37 min
Our final episode for Season 3. Featuring an unfunny friend’s hilarious response; Dion suffers the chimes of Christian’s cascading alarms and the link between gifts and events. There are very limited tickets left for our live show on May 25 at The Grace…
#45 - Season 3 Retrospective (Part 1)
Apr 16 • 37 min
Christian, Dion and Josh reflect on the Season 3 that was. Dissecting their poor hygiene, double dipping and learning to stack the dishwasher. Featuring very special guest, Microbiologist Mark to serve Welcome to Patchwork a petrie dish full of Season 3…
#44 - How Many Tissues Do You Pull From The Box? ft. Alex Dyson
Mar 26 • 38 min
With very special guest, Alex Dyson! Featuring Christian’s failing green thumb, issues with tissues and hiding your spare keys for guests. Alex has a new podcast with Kyran Wheatley called Mirth! Alex and Kyran have also opened a pop up bar that will be…
#43 - Do You Sign The Back Of Your Credit Card?
Mar 12 • 35 min
Christian takes a deep dive into smelling better, decoding washing machines and signing the back of credit cards. Plus Forgive Me Father, Oh Wow and of course, Really Good. If you’re interested in signing up to Australia’s newest digital only bank, search…
#42 - Can You Refuse To Catch Up With A New Friend?
Feb 26 • 34 min
Christian sweats over his water bottle, refusing to catch up with new friends and Josh wonders how many reminders you need to give people before an event. Plus Quick Quiz, Oh Wow and of course, Really Good. If you’re interested in signing up to…
#41 - Is There A Limit To Partner Sleepovers?
Feb 12 • 34 min
Josh takes advantage of the facilities, skipping the queue and the limits to housemate sleepovers. If you’re interested in signing up to Australia’s newest digital only bank, search Up Bank in your app store and enter the promo code PATCH for $10 credit!…
#40 - Should You Call Out An Unfunny Friend?
Jan 29 • 34 min
Josh keeps a text message close to his chest, a cross to the Australian Open broadcast and presenting a funny video to a friend. Want more Patchwork? For as little as $2 a month, you can listen to extra recordings, behind-the-scenes videos, plus heaps…
#39 - Do You Trust GPS Over Local Road Knowledge?
Jan 15 • 32 min
Josh tries to find Dion’s hidden bar, trusting GPS directions, the Hubba Hubba Rooibos challenge and Forgive Me Father. Want more Patchwork? For as little as $2 a month, you can listen to extra recordings, behind-the-scenes videos, plus heaps more. Visit…
#38 - A Very Patchwork Christmas 2018
Dec 18, 2018 • 39 min
A Patchwork Christmas special featuring the return of Timmy and Santa, saying goodbye at gatherings and interacting with children.
#37 - Should You Take The Elevator To The First Floor?
Dec 4, 2018 • 27 min
The final instalment of Mr Minute, elevator chat, Dion’s deception and disappointing actions by restaurants.
#36 - Do You Wake Up As Soon As Your Alarm Goes Off?
Nov 20, 2018 • 28 min
Signing legal documents for friends, setting alarms in the morning and employee name tags. With special guests Mr. Minute and Wheelie Good.
#35 - Can Your Partner Also Be Your Best Friend?
Nov 6, 2018 • 31 min
Patchword of the Day, the last time you dropped your phone and the concept of food envy. With special guests Mr Minute and Really good!
#34 - How Long Should You Keep A Birthday Card? ft. Andy Lee
Oct 23, 2018 • 39 min
- Featuring Andy Lee from the Hamish & Andy duo; blinking in photos; birthday cards and the Andy-pasto. With very special guests Forgive Me Father, Mr Minute and Really Good.F
#33 - Did Your Parents Cut Off Your Crusts?
Oct 9, 2018 • 29 min
Josh eats an apple cutting the crust and answering questions about your holiday. With special guests, Mr. Minute and Really Good.
#32 - Should You Store Your Cups Upside Down?
Sep 25, 2018 • 27 min
Tales from Tasmania; Dion tries sleeping in a hostel and how to store your cups. With special guests Mr Minute and Really Good.
#31 - How Many Biscuits Is It OK To Eat In One Sitting?
Sep 11, 2018 • 28 min
Christian’s Apple watch purchase and Josh’s biscuit eating habits. With special guests Mr Minute, Do You Remember? and Really Good
#30 - Season 2 Retrospective (Part 2)
Jul 10, 2018 • 35 min
#MugQuest, Dion’s increasing frustration with Google Home, our discussion about the party pop-in pops back in and the Curry, No Hurry Cross-Examination. With very special guests Oh Wow of the Week and Really Good.
#30 - Season 2 Retrospective (Part 1)
Jun 26, 2018 • 49 min
The Patchwork host cheatsheet, we revisit email signatures and what to do with mail that’s not yours. With a special retrospective-style take on Oh Wow of the Week and Really Good, plus Josh vs. Google; our final Rooibos Challenge for the Season.
#29 - Quick Sew Melbourne
Jun 5, 2018 • 35 min
Josh’s Bone to Pick with a listener, the Patchwork hosts get dressed up, debating Dion’s deliberate misappropriation, getting out of conversations and our thoughts on gyms. With very special guests Oh Wow, Really Good, a Bendigo Bank ad and Baby Boomers…
#28 - Detective Sass
May 22, 2018 • 39 min
Christian and Dion’s defining tram ride, Pythagoras pulls the short stick; being distracted on tours, taking photos with celebrities, leaving notes for strangers and Josh does some investigating. With very special guest, Oh Wow, Really Good and some…
#27 - I’d Subscribe To That
May 8, 2018 • 42 min
Dion’s chilling discoveries, Christian leverages a favour and we discuss the best ways to tell someone to shut the f**k up. With very special guests, Oh Wow, Really Good and the final installment of Curry, No Hurry
#26 - The Metrics of Cancelling Plans
Apr 24, 2018 • 41 min
The lesser of two carbonated evils, getting trapped by the Offside rule, Patch #24 gets reviewed, the metrics of cancelling plans and Part 2 of Curry No, Hurry. With very special guests, Oh Waleed of the Week and Really Good.
#25 - Curry, No Hurry
Apr 10, 2018 • 38 min
The Highs and Lows of Josh’s Great Social Experiment; Murphy’s Buttered Toast, the Future of Cigarette Packaging and Part 1 of another Christian epic, ‘Curry, No Hurry.’ With very special guests, Really Good, Oh Wow and Trent’s Rooibos Challenge.
#24 - Everybody Eats My Hummus ft. Andy Matthews
Mar 27, 2018 • 41 min
The 2018 Melbourne International Comedy Festival starts this week and we’re joined by comedian, writer, “Two In The Think Tank” podcast host and mug recipient Andy Matthews. Featuring Patchwork catering, a visit from the Thompsons and Andy forgets to turn…
#23 - Chrìstians Sans Frontières ft. Laura Dunemann
Mar 13, 2018 • 39 min
With the 2018 Melbourne International Comedy Festival only weeks away, Melbourne based comedian, Laura Dunemann, visits the WTP studios to discuss her very concrete fear of flying, fighting over the front seat and kissing fruit.
#22 - A Bin’s A Bin’s A Bin
Feb 27, 2018 • 37 min
The A to Zincs of living a healthy lifestyle, dealing with cluttered inboxes and Josh, again, proves frugal with his approval. With very special guests Oh Wow, Forgive Me Father and Really Good.
#21 - Going Cold Chappie
Feb 13, 2018 • 40 min
Christian can’t let silence sit, Dion can’t stop blinking and Josh tells us about his experiences going cold chappie. Featuring specials guests House Swap, Oh Wow and Really Good.
#20 - Flapping Soles
Jan 30, 2018 • 41 min
Josh’s attitude to takeaway food containers, Dion gets his shoes repaired, Josh and Dion confront their friend Jackson, paying for meals, a new Rooibos Challenge, Oh Wow of the Week and Really Good
#19 - “OK, Butler”
Jan 16, 2018 • 40 min
Christian uses Google Home for the first time, we discuss our toilet habits and transitioning to adulthood, Christian wins a competition he never entered, Dion opens the door on an unsuspecting victim. Plus, Oh Wow of the Week and Really Good.
#18 - Very Meshy Shorts
Jan 2, 2018 • 44 min
Christian and his friend bring holy bread to a music festival, meshy shorts, ruggers, and what constitutes underwear, unfriending someone on Facebook, and Christian whimps out. Plus Forgive Me Father, Oh Wow of the Week and Really Good!
#17 - A Very Patchwork Christmas
Dec 19, 2017 • 43 min
In this special Christmas Patch, Josh gets no love from a girl at Officeworks, we chat about our Christmas experiences, including gift giving and visiting Santa, with special guests Oh Ho of the Week and Really Good!
#16 - Unfit For Human Habitation
Dec 5, 2017 • 40 min
- Dion visits Christian’s Italian Grandparents house, Josh attempts to get repairs done in his rental house, we discuss if you should wait for your friend to enter their house after dropping them off, as well as if there are too many hellos and goodbyes…
#15 - Leave A Message If You Wish
Nov 21, 2017 • 39 min
Dion dirties Christian’s car, the perfect voicemail message, The Confessional, discussing life’s routines including sleeping and clipping nails, and of course, Really Good!
#14 - Season 1 Retrospective (Part 2)
Oct 3, 2017 • 47 min
Dion’s mum reviews Patchwork, revisiting dirty laundry protocol, childhood bedrooms, becoming a man, revisiting bullying, Oh Wow of the Week, Rooibos Challenge, Christian as an Extra again and Really Good
#14 - Season 1 Retrospective (Part 1)
Sep 19, 2017 • 41 min
- Christian tells us about his ethnic upbringing (again), we revisit gift-giving, Josh hosts a houseparty, a sketch that didn’t make the cut, Monotoly returns, Sah Great and a different take on ‘Really Good’ and a very very special guest.
#13 - The Adventures of Car Man and Computer Boy
Aug 29, 2017 • 39 min
- What to do when your fly is undone, have food in your teeth or notice clothes tags showing, conventions relating to sneezing and bless you, the Mattress Story, rules for “Established In”, Oh Wow of the Week and Really good.
#12 - A Full Tank Of Rock
Aug 15, 2017 • 44 min
Josh sells stuff on Gumtree, Burgo’s Storage Unit, A Casual Quest, Christian’s infamous escapade, Mad Lifts, sustainability and Really Good.
#11 - No Gifts Means No Gifts
Aug 1, 2017 • 44 min
High School band practice, Josh mispronouncing Dion’s name, Oh Wow Of The Week, Tinder and online dating, Magazines, Uber Greets, The Rooibos Challenge, Gift Giving and Really Good.
#10 - How To Pickup A 65 Year-Old CEO
Jul 18, 2017 • 35 min
Christian’s eventful tram ride, Mad Lifts, Dion tries to pick-up a dad, The Rooibos Challenge, A Casual Quest at the Ski-fields, Gandhi and Really Good.
#9 - Lovely Leathery Juice
Jul 4, 2017 • 39 min
Rooibos Challenge, A Casual Quest, Christian in a cafe, Dion takes an Uber, where we keep our dirty clothes, Josh has 12 pairs of jeans and Really Good
#8 - Dreaming of Chinese Starfish
Jun 20, 2017 • 35 min
Dream analysis, Monotoly, overseas call centres, complaining to companies, Mad Lifts, stealing lemons and Really Good.
#7 - In Defence of Gelato Messina
Jun 6, 2017 • 33 min
Dion finally cleans his car, we visit Gelato Messina, discuss luxury products and premium water, Christian gets star-struck, clothes shopping with Josh’s mum, plus Monotoly and Really Good.
#6 - The Pinball Wizard
May 23, 2017 • 38 min
Christian’s first experience with online bullying, Mad Lifts, interacting with shop assistants, babies, booster seats and Really Good.
#5 - Semi Flexitarian
May 9, 2017 • 40 min
A strange goodbye, being unemployed, Christian the Extra, social sports, stealing Josh’s hat, boyfriend fashion, food labels, fetishes, the Apex Gang and Dion encounters an annoying voice. With very special guests Really Good and Monotoly (Cinema)
#4 - The Watermelon Diaries
Apr 25, 2017 • 36 min
Dion’s messy car, using the bathroom at work, talking to strangers, the holy trinity of Watermelon stories, eating food from stranger’s plates, stealing from supermarkets and dictators. With very special guests Really Good and New School Courtyard.
#3 - Beautiful Italian Tomatoes
Apr 11, 2017 • 32 min
Featuring oral hygiene, Christian’s tomatoes, when to eat expired food, buying new clothes and unaccountable professions. With very special guests, Monotoly (Butcher Shop), Really Good.
#2 - Tongue Bucket
Mar 28, 2017 • 41 min
Sneaking things into sports events, global economics, Christian’s unhealthy obsession with candles, buying alcohol as kids, Dion’s mannequin hands and Christian’s infamous speech impediment. With very special guests Monotoly (Grocery Store), Really Good…
#1 - Long Haired Women
Mar 4, 2017 • 34 min
Hairdressers and dentists, bullying, camping, the automation of jobs and Dion the doyen. Christian, Dion and Josh kick-off Patch 1 of Welcome To Patchwork. With very special guests Monotoly (Bank) and Really Good.
#0 - Welcome to “Welcome To Patchwork”
Feb 28, 2017 • 2 min
Don’t know what episode to listen to first? Start here! Patches are released every second Wednesday. Join the Patchwork community on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.